YOU'VE BEEN PUNKED!

Welcome to Survivor Insider, where "watching out for you" means "F'in you in the A" (You've been served!)

A FEW NOTES:

1) Yes, it's episode 10 as far as I am concerned, because it's boot 10. Stop sending me e-mails.

2) All archives of the Insider are available at Survivor Network http://www.londyscreations.com/survivornetwork/
Thanks to Larry Londy for the web space.

3) If you want just the transcript, SurvivorFever.net posts it, minus hilarious commentary, in a few days.

4) Speaking of e-mails. Stop sending me stupid ones. Here are examples of WHAT NOT TO SEND:

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From Xxxxxx@aol.com
Subject: Boote
"My uncle told me Rob is going tonight, I swear. I'm weelly serisuo this time."
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From Xxxxxx@hotmail.com
Subject: Amber is a #####
"Amber is a slut and she is definitely being voted out this week. I know someone who works in the industry and she says Amber is a dirty whore."
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From Xxxxxx@yahoo.com
Subject: This week's boot
"Hi, I'm am good friends with the family of (fill in Survivor contestant here). They swear that (fill in Jenna L, Amber, Rob, Rupert or Tom or someone definitely not going) will be booted this week.
You can trust me on this information."
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5) Thanks to all those who support me in this thread. It takes about 2-3 hours to do a transcript, and I enjoy the comments, good or bad. Remember, I do this FOR FUN. Though, if you diss me, I will come after you like Jenna running toward her Oil of Olay.

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TRIBAL COUNCIL VOTING
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Markopolo's note: Shii's lame attempt of being a lemming is pathetic. (Kind of like all those Orangeena lemmings...oh wait...I'm one of them, too. DAMNIT!)

Tom (votes Lex): Lex, I was hoping this day would never actually come. My best friend out here. Best friend I've ever got, ever had in Survivor. You killed goliath, Ethan, Colby and Richard Hatch. What a wonderful job you did putting them away. You should be commended. This is the worst possible vote I ever had to make. But for the game's sake, and for my sake to stay in the game. I had to do it. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. (Pause) My friend, there will be better days ahead.

Kathy (votes Amber): (PAUSES AND BREATHES FOR 10 SECONDS AND THINKS ABOUT HER VOTE) Amber, I don't really like voting for you. But you know what, you didn't have to tell me that we were going to go back and Boston Rob and you were going to bring us to the final six. It's just too strong a lie. So, that's why I am voting for you. (SHIVERING) I just don't like getting lied to that big. This won't matter anyway.

Lex (votes Amber): I'd much rather be casting this vote for your little errand boy. But you're just going to have to do.

Amber (votes Lex): Complete respect. You're the biggest threat of all of us. You know you're going.

(SHE IS COLD AND RUSHES THROUGH HER VOTE AND SCURRIES BACK TO HER STUMP).

Rob (votes Lex): (COMES UP TO THE VOTING BOOTH AND SAYS "Oh, it's nice and warm in here") Hey buddy, sorry about the vote. Thanks for keeping Amber around. I hope we can get over this man and have a beer on the outside. Thanks.

Jenna (votes Lex): Lex, you came out to play this game for your own family, and I respect that. I'm playing this game for mine. So this is what I need to do. (PAUSES) I hope it doesn't affect our friendship outside the game.

Rupert (votes Lex): FORGET IT. I CAN'T FREAKIN HEAR IT. RUPERT TALKS SOFTER THAN A DALLAS MAVERICK PLAYING DEFENSE.

FindingDory reports that Rupert says something like, "Lex, i wish we could have been on the same tribe, and i know we would have been good friends. but i have to show my alliance for my countrymen (chapera? i could be really wrong there). saboga is no more and all i have is jen (jenna i assume)."

Alicia (votes Lex): You're an awesome competitor, and a definite, definite physical threat. But tonight, it's about numbers, and your number is up. Sorry buddy.

Shii Ann (votes Lex): Lex, it's been a pleasure to get to know you. I'm so sorry you didn't win the immunity challenge today. For me, this is the best choice right now strategically. It would be a wasted effort to vote for anyone else. Only you. So, I'm sorry and I hope to see

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Lex Tells All
3 min : 23 sec
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Clip description: Why does Lex feel vulnerable and threatened for the first time in the game? Find out why he is so frustrated.

Markopolo's note: WOW! Now that we know Tom would have likely joined Lex and four Mogo Mogos to defeat Rob, Rupert, Jenna and Alicia, it is REALLY DUMB that Lex voted out Jerri instead of Amber.

HOW ON EARTH COULD HE BE THAT STUPID????!!!!!! HMMN....SOUNDS LIKE WE NEED A LIST!

15 WORST SURVIVOR BLUNDERS EVER

15) Whoever came up with the Outcast twist. DUMB!

14) Dave Johnson. He was supposed to be the idol for all nerds -- muscles and brains. But this rocket scientist teams up with Roger and Butch? WHAT AN IDIOT!

13) S6's Christy being a plain old woman and not making up her mind at all. At least we can make fun of her and she can't hear us. (But Marko, you're typing this transcript, and now all the hearing-impaired people on the internet will be sending you hate mail.)

12) Markopolo making fun of deaf people. (You can make fun of Tom all you want.... he can't read.)

11) Shii Ann's "whoops" at the fake merge.

10) Lindsey not voting off Brandon.

9) Love tribe voting off Gabe.

8) Kimmi and her big, PETA mouth telling Ogakor that Varner had a vote.

7) Andrew Savage NOT going with Rupert's hand-made alliance

6) S5's Batty Granny being useless in the Final 3. "Oh, please give me third place Brian and Clay. You're such nice boys. Can I bury a dead tick for you in my animal graveyard?"

5) Episode 8 of Africa when Kelly got booted. The show SUCKED like Thailand after that. Which leads us to ....

4) Mark Burnett's casting of Thailand.

3) Lex killing his allies. Cuz That's what friends are for!

SING IT WITH ME EVERYBODY!

Keep dying, friends dying

Knowing you can count on me (to vote you out) for surrrrreeeeeeeee

That's what friends are forrrrrrreeeee!

For good votes
....and bad votes!

I'll be on your side....till council morrrrrre!

That's what friends are forrrrreeee!!!!!!!

2) Colby giving away a million dollars.

1) PAGONNNNNNG!!!

Lex (day-after interview): There's been a lot going on. It's a tough day today. Day 27. Where do I start? We had a really rough night last night. None of us got any sleep. We had our merge yesterday. About midday had really limited time to get everything squared away as far as shelter, fire and water on the boil. And ya know, we had far more work then we had resources. We have nine people who need water now. And umm we started dehydrated yesterday. Couldn't boil water fast enough. Tried to get a shelter up which uses water.

Got just a kind of a barebones shelter just to not get in the rain and then got hit by a storm. Which is still going on. And today is a big day for me. For the first time in the game, I feel very, very vulnerable.

(MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE TRIED TO VOTE OUT ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS, IDIOT! WHY DIDN'T YOU TRY TO GO AFTER SHII?)

Definitely threatened. I am concerned that some of the recent plans and decisions I’ve made may come back to haunt me. (UHHH YEAH).

Umm. Ya know. I broke my own first rule that I made for myself when I came out here and that was that I let friendship enter the game when it shouldn't.

(HUH, FRIENDSHIP? FRIENDSHIP? NOW I SOUND LIKE THE MORTAL KOMBAT 2 ANNOUNCER).

And my motto has been this whole time, play hard all the time, gotta keep the friendship separate.

(SO YOU SCREW OVER YOUR FRIENDS COLBY AND ETHAN TO HELP ROBFATHER? ARE YOU NUTS?)

And when Boston Rob had asked me to help Amber out, friend to friend, I am one of those people, when a friend asks me for help, even in this most extreme of situations, I put everything else on hold. And unless I can figure out a hail mary pass play. (YOU'RE NO DOUG FLUTIE!) at the last minute here, I may be going home today.

(HECK, LEX, YOU AIN'T EVEN JESSE PALMER, AND THAT GUY IS STUPID!)

Ya know Boston Rob had made some promises, friend to friend, and it's looking like more and more that he had no intention of keeping them. Umm, he hasn't done anything to make Kathy or I feel secure. So he's either making us sweat (YEAH, THAT'S IT...SWEAT!) because he wants to have a power play on us, or even worse than that, he's not holding up his end of the bargain at all.

(NEW WAY TO MAKE ALLIANCES.

ME: YOU NEVER VOTE FOR ME, AND I'LL TRY NOT TO VOTE FOR YOU

LEX: SURE, FRIEND.)

I've been doing a lot of scrambling. A lot of thinking. Hopefully I'll be able to... hope that I can take this potentially game-ending mistake I made, this blunder, and turn it around in my favor. But I'm feeling guilty and sick about voting Jerri off as well, because she would have been right with us here. And we would have had our numbers advantage with no problem at all.

So I made a huge mistake and I am hoping I don't have to make a price.

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Kathy v. Rob
2 min : 02 sec
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Clip description: Watch tempers flare when Kathy has it out with Boston Rob moments before leaving for Tribal Council.

Markopolo's note: Ooooooh heated. I hope some of this comes out next week, too. Too bad Kathy isn't going to last much longer.

(LEX AND KATHY ARE ON THE BEACH TALKING IN SAME CLIP AS THE SHOW. LEX FINDS IT WEIRD THAT NO ONE IS TALKING)

Kathy (confessional): As far as I'm concerned, I pulled Mariano a huge favor, and I'm sorry but that enters into this game. So, the game is on in a big way. And the game is on between friends. (SLAMS FIST ON PALM)

(SHIFT SCENE TO CAMP. SHII IS SITTING NEXT TO KATHY. ROB IS STANDING IN FRONT OF THEM)

Kathy (to Rob): You told us.

Rob: What did I tell you? I didn't tell you anything. I didn't say a word to you Kathy. (HE DOES HAVE A POINT)

Rob: I said it to Lex, all right. (INTERRUPTS) Let's get that straight. If you want to be honest, let's be honest. I didn't say a word to you. I said to Lex. And what I said to Lex was, "Please take care of her." And I said if you could keep her around, if I can help you, I will. (PAUSES AND SHRUGS SHOULDERS). I can't. (SHOULDER SHRUG). I'm sorry.

Kathy: What I expected from a friend is that we were asked us to bring Amber over. And we did. And we're not treated like friends at all. We are not treated with respect. And you know what? The vote is off between us for respect. (Interrupts Rob) Even now, the way you're talking -- I'm the imbecile? So just stop. Please.

Rob: I'll stop.

Kathy: Stop. Because it's embarrassing.

Rob: You know you're in the wrong. You know that you are (POINTS FINGER). You know that you are in the wrong.

(KATHY GROANS)

Rob: That's fine. I'll stop. I won't talk anymore to you. But don't pull this (sh*t BLEEPED OUT) with me. OK don’t.

Kathy: This is honest honey. (groans).

Rob: Because I stopped to give you a lot of friendship always and now you're tainting it.

Kathy: You just don't want to stand up to what's real here. So go away! These are real emotions. Go away.

(ROB STORMS AWAY)

Kathy (confessional): Rob, I think, was totally admitting to himself that he screwed up because he got so angry at me....and tried to put it back on me. Which is very typical of people when they know they're in the wrong.

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LEX, DAY AFTER
5 min : 42 sec
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Lex (day-after): I certainly knew, coming into this game, that it would be imperative for me to really put friendships on hold to get through this game.

I knew that it could potentially be my Achilles heel. And that it could really mess up my game, because I have a lot of friends from previous seasons of Survivor. I run with a lot of those people.

I do a lot of charity work with them. I have a lot of outside relationships with them and I knew that could be a problem. And I did as best I could to check that at the door when I started the game. And with the exception of this fall from grace with Rob, I did a pretty good job of keeping all that as down in the midst of the game as possible.

Clearly friendships I had with Colby and Ethan did not affect my decision, my call to power when I needed to take care of business with them. I looked at them as, well, business has to be done.

I came out here this time, not for the adventure, not for this great Survivor thing, I came to do business.

I came out here to win. I came out here to make some money.

And in those situations, I got through them just fine. The chink in my armor started to show itself when I had to vote Jerri out. I was conflicted, but in reality my initial gut reaction to that was to keep Jerri and get rid of Amber.

******HE DID IT! HE USED THE WORD GUT!!!!! DING DING DING DING DING!!!!*****

IT'S LIKE EVERY TIME VELMA SAYS "JINKIES" ON SCOOBY DOO.

I should have listened to my gut and I didn't.

*****DING DING DING DING DING!!!!*****

I took my advice from Kathy. We always worked like partners in this game.

And I deferred to her on that, because I was worried that my decision to keep Jerri was an emotional one, rather than a good, strategic decision.

(OH YEAH, SURE, BLAME THE WOMAN!)

So when Kathy said, let's go with this Amber-Boston Rob thing, I thought, you know, she's great. She's kind of like the voice of reason. My keeping Jerri would have been an emotional, friend-related response. I'm in good shape. When in reality, that was the better strategic move and I missed the boat on that. It must've been meant to be.

That's the only way I can look on it. The way I play this game and the way I live my life is the same (IF THAT'S TRUE, YOUR WIFE BETTER WATCH HER BACK!); I'm always honest and true to myself. You only get Lex. I can only be myself. The other thing I believe is everything happens for a reason. I never look back on anything. If you want to be happy in life, you accept what happens and you fight your dam(ndest) to get through a situation. You take the bull by the horns to get into the driver's seat. (OK, CLICHE BOY). But when things happen, you just move forward, not back. And that's the way I think, if you want to be happy, everyone should live their life.

I'm out of the game now. I'm not looking back. I'm looking forward. I have a great life to go back to. I came into this game the wealthiest, luckiest man in the world -- wife, kids, great set of friends (GUESS THEY WEREN'T TOO GREAT A SET, HUH).

I just didn't walk out of here with a million bucks.

CUT

I knew before we even started the game that it was going to take miracles to get far in the game. I knew that there was a good chance that I could be the first one ejected from the game. I also knew that if I managed to stick my foot in the door, and to put a stake in the ground. And if I made it past the first few, three tribal councils, than I would go pretty far.

Simply because the dynamic of this game is that people get emotionally involved whether they like to admit it or not.

And people make agreements and alliances. And people feel that, despite that it's absurd game, people feel a sense of loyalty in handshake agreements with somebody.

I have that in this game. So once I got going a couple weeks, I felt pretty confident that my game was going in the direction that would find me in a final four situation (YEAH, YOU WERE DOWN TO FOUR FRIENDS LEFT).

But, as soon as we got close to the merge and I could see that the numbers were working against me and that I was losing people, and that we were losing immunity challenges, the numbers didn’t lie, that we were going to go in so light. I knew that at that point I was in danger.

CUT

I played the game of Survivor all-star punk rock, and I plan on going out punk rock as well.

CUT

Punk rock is about making no apologies. It's about being yourself. And (??) to what everyone else thinks. True to yourself. You do what you want to do. And you make absolutely no apologies about it. It's about playing the game hardcore it's about living your life hardcore. Sucking the marrow out of life. (ISN'T THAT WHAT BOSTON ROB WAS DOING TO AMBER?). It's about not giving a rat's ##### what anyone else thinks about it. That's the spirit of punk rock.

I TEND TO LIKE THE SPIRIT OF PUNKY BREWSTER BETTER.

WOWSERS

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LEX FINAL WORDS
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Lex (post-council): I'm still not really sure why I did this a second time. I couldn't imagine saying no. I'm such a sucker for an adventure and a challenge. You throw anything in front of me and dare me to do anything, I'm all over it. You double-dog-dare me, I'm jumping at it. The opportunity to do Survivor a second time? Survivor the first time around was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and I got it twice in a lifetime. Pretty lucky for me! I'm glad I did it again. No regrets, man, no looking back. I guess it's just my nature. You throw something like this in my way, I've got to grab at it; I've got to go for it.

I had a good time. It was tough; it was different the second time around. I have to say I had a lot more fun the first time around. The first time around was an exquisite adventure; it was the trip of a lifetime; it was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The second time around, it was business, and I feel like I did pretty good business. Not quite what I wanted, not quite as far as I wanted to go, but I'm still proud.

I think I bumped things up a notch as far as playing a hardcore game. I made a pretty big effort coming into this thing to play it harder. By harder I mean to pull a few tricks out of my bag that I wasn't prepared to pull out of my bag the first time around as far as maybe bending the truth a bit, doing a little bit of deceiving, a little bit of lying, maybe, to get to where I had to go. It was necessary this time around. The players were all seasoned veterans. These were hardcore players, and you really had to be prerpared to do more.

But with that said, in the end, I ended up not being able to get away from my true self. It's what cost me the game. I broke the biggest promise I made to myself coming into this thing: I mixed friendship with the game. The two cannot mix together; they don't go together. As soon as you try to work it out both ways, as soon as you allow a little too much compassion to show through, as soon as the friendship and game lines blur, you're setting yourself up for disaster. It's what happened to me. But I have, again, no regrets about it. I am what I am. I played the game the only way I can play it: as myself. It's the way I live my life; it's the way I'd play the game if I ever did it again, and I make no apoligies to myself or anybody else. What you see is what you get. That's all you're ever going to get.

Honestly, I'd have to say that I didn't really have any new, life-altering experiences out here. I kind of knew what to expect. I would say rather than life-altering experiences, I had life-affirming experiences. Being out here once again just confirmed how lucky I am in my life, and how this game was really a great time, it was a great adventure, but it really was just a blip in the grand scheme of my life. The important things to me are my family, my wife, my kids, my friends, my life back home in Santa Cruz. That's the stuff that defines who I am. That's the stuff that gives my life value. I'm the luckiest man in the world. I was before I came out and played Survivor the first time around; I was still the luckiest man in the world before I played it the second time around. I don't have to win the game to know that that's true. A million bucks really ain't gonna change my life the way all the other good things in my life have. I walk out of here looking forward to nothing but a great future, a great life. It's all good. I'm happy.

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Big Tom's Big Plans
2 min : 58 sec
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Clip description: Why does Tom think is he in a no-win situation, and what are his new plans for his tribe? Find out now.

Markopolo's note: This clip is HILARIOUS! First Tom hints about how he and Rob tried to throw the Ep 9 immunity challenge. Then he tells Rob how to "relieve" himself with the absence of his woman. Unbelievable! Also note, this clip is before the Ep 10 reward challenge.

Tom (confessional): Last night we came back after the challenge yesterday; we all slept away. By winning, we all knew we was losing Amber. And if we lost, we were going to save Amber but lose a crew. Basically, it was a no-win situation yesterday. Nothing we could do. And so, we just when there and like blind leading the blind, thought we was going to do something big.

Me and Rob, we thought we had a plan. We tried to execute, and it failed.

IS THIS TOM SAYING THAT HE AND ROB TRIED TO THROW THE CHALLENGE??????

But I still think it turned out the best.

And so we're going to go with it.

CUT

Everybody's been real sentimental over Amber. You know, because we knew she was the odd girl out. I mean it's the luck of the draw. Nothing you could do about it. We also prayed for her. We even had a plan to try and save her. And it failed.

So we said a little prayer for her. And as far as I'm concerned, what will be is what will be. This is the end of Amber and we have to go on. I think everyone else will too. But it was a good gesture, because I think she's been a good ally. Especially for me and Rob. She's been with us always. The rest of them were helpless, so (SHRUGS AND SMILES). It would have been their bad fate, so. Ya know. I was glad they helped us though. That's part of the game.

Rob has really missed Amber. He slept with her every night. He's cuddled and wooed. I aint ever seen such a love story. I could a wrote a book on the love story. How we met on the beach and how we feel in love together. And kissed on the beach. But the story's come to an end, I'm afraid.

And we all could sleep with him, but we don't know what actions he'll take. We don't want his friends in Boston to see him all screwed up like this.

But I'm older than Rob and some of them, and I have talked to him. I have told him that there are methods of relief and stuff that he can do.

OK THAT'S IT!!!!! ENOUGH!!!! WHAT'S NEXT? TOM GETTING CAUGHT WITH BEEF JERKY?

Sometimes jumpin in the water. Sometimes thinking of frogs will sometimes help you.

CUT

It's like weaning a calf. It tries to go crazy. It tries to go through fences. Rob is the same way. It takes a calf about three days to get weaned from its mother. Rob's on his third day and I think he'll be over it by nightfall.

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Amber on the Merge
2 min : 44 sec
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Clip description: Watch as Amber describes her feelings moments before the tribes merge into one. How does she feel about moving to the old Saboga camp?

Markopolo's note: Watch as Amber comes across as a complete airhead for the 100th time!

Amber (confessional): I could not believe that we were coming straight from there to what we thought was a challenge. I was nervous as heck. Because we had no clue what the treemail said or what we were getting ourselves into. All we could see our tribes on the beach waiting for us. We're thinking, "Holy crap! We have to do a challenge." Talk about jumping right back into the game -- when you escaped it for so long, overnight. So I was really nervous and the food in my stomach was making me really sick.

Hopped out of the helicopter, ran right up to my tribe. Felt somewhat guilty, ya know? It's kind of like bittersweet.

CUT

Yeah they said our hair was so clean and we looked so good. And Kathy couldn't believe my toenails were painted. And they wanted to hear all about it, but when you tell them, they moan and groan because they missed it. (AT LEAST YOU DIDN'T OFFER THEM SOME OF YOUR ALREADY-CHEWED GUM).

You don't know how much to hold back. Because you want to talk about it; it was fun. But you don't want to do any damage.

So we talked for a little bit, but you couldn't talk too much, because Jeff was like, "OK let's get this thing started. Throw your buffs down."

I did not expect that at all.

We were all expecting a merge so much that it got to the point where I was thinking we might never merge. (PROVING ONCE AGAIN THAT YOU DON'T THINK OFTEN).

And that was the type of plans in my head that I was figuring out. I was figuring out alliances with people and it was basically being on two separate tribes.

So, he brought over the pot, pulled out a blue buff, and we knew we were merging. I felt relieved immediately.

It's nice to be all back together again.

It’s nice to know that I don't have to keep too many stories in my head anymore. (OHHHH IT WAS SO HARD KEEPING THREE SMALL LITTLE THINGS IN YOUR HEAD?)

I was getting to the point where I had so many plans in my head, I had to literally think about the person whom I was talking to, go into my head and say, "what does this person know, what does this person not know?" I was getting really confused.

I'm relieved that it's to the point where I don't have to worry about that anymore.

ALL RIGHT! ANYTHING I SAID ABOUT AMBER PLAYING THE GAME BETTER WAS WRONG. SHE IS AN IDIOT. DUMB AS A HEIDI.

(This reminds me of that Married With Children episode when Kelly is going on a sports game show, and Al fills her head with sports knowledge until it's full. Then when she learns during the game that she has to "squeeze the red buzzer to answer," Al says, "Oh no! She learned something, which means she forgot a fact." And Peg goes, "Oh come on, what are the chances that it's the one fact she'll be asked about." (OR something like that).

Well, the final question is "Which Polk High Star scored four touchdowns in one game?" And, of course, Kelly says, "Squeeze Red Buzzer" as her answer. Hahahahah hilarious. OK it's funny on the show. SUE ME!)