New York City. I enter a relatively clean, empty movie theater, save for one seat in the middle. My interviewee Femme. She thinks that she rented the theater, that she was being “considerate”. Webby wouldn’t hear of it. We wanted to pay. So I whipped out his credit card and paid for it with his card. I feel like I entered that diamonds are forever commercial, you know that one with the Baywatch chick in it, as a movie starts. I walk up to a laughing Femme.
Lady T: Hey hon, what movie are we going to pretend to watch as I interview you for this expose I am going to write?
Femme: Breakfast at Tiffany’s. My favorite movie.
Lady T: You know, I have never seen this movie. In fact, the only Hepburn movie I have seens On Golden Pond, which is required watching in New Hampshire. And it’s the wrong Hepburn.
Femme (aghast): I am NOT staying here with someone who has never seen this.
Lady T: Oh yes you are. Or you will be banned from the Mole boards next season. (bluffing like I have some power or something).Anyway, the most important question first, how’s the Butt?
Femme: Heehee, thanks for asking. A little sore, but better. At least the swelling has gone down. People in the lobby were looking at me strange. *grins sheepishly* I think 'cause I've been walking around rubbing it all night.
*shifts in her seat to get the pressure off that cheek*
Lady T looks at her funny…..Ok, how did you find SB and how did you wander over to OT?
Femme pops a kernel in her mouth, My sister, you may have heard of her, Asrai; had been "cheating" in her Yahoo!
Fantasy Survivor picks by cruising around the internet looking for spoilers. Not about to be outdone, I looked up SB. I had used to come here to read the summaries way back when, and was quite pleased when I discovered such a neat little community. I fell in love with the basher babes and boys and OutfrontGirl sent me an email and encouraged me to stick around in the summer.
She told me about OT really picking up when summer was underway and so I headed over.
*looks up at the screen* Oh, wait, this is a good part! *Sings
to "Moon River" with Audrey Hepburn*
Lady T: Femme, who sings this song?
Femme: Audrey Hepburn of course, can’t you see that dumbass?
Lady T, muttering, Lets keep it that way.
Lady T, Um, nothing… how do you feel about using this board as a place to guilt trip your sister?
Femme: Heehee. I use anyplace, anytime, any-anything to guilt trip her. She and I learned from the best how to guilt trip, and I tell you, you really have to keep those skills up. Say, Trish, you going to finish those Red Vines? I*so* love Red Vines. I sure wish I could afford some, they look yummy. It
must be nice to be so wealthy to be able to buy Red Vines whenever you want.
See? See what I did there?
Lady T: Yes and I say, don’t mess with the best. I keep trying to convince everyone that its me. However, you know what the rules are. Webby likes us to be happy and not fight here, it frees up his time so he gave me free rein on his credit card. I am a little afraid of the bill katem and I rung up. Giggles
Anyway, You were all over the Mole boards, how did it feel to be an unofficial moderator?
Femme: Oooo, wait, I love this part too!! Shhh! Holly's husband is about to show up. Yes, Miss Happy Golucky has a dark side, isn't it magnificent?! Most people never see this part coming. *stares wide-eyed at the screen, ignoring T's
Lady T: #####! Just wait until she finds out that before this, I met with Asrai…
Now is the part where we get to know a little about you. You known this is where I would ask about your job and if you are married and have kids, but I hear that you are a stripper and even appeared in thst new Survivor’s soft porn film.
Femme: Well, after the job as a supermodel, I did a
little acting on the side. It’s called acting, Trish and it was an art film.
Lady T interrupts: Art film my ass
Femme continues: The fan mail demanded too much of my time. Unfortunately I don't have any skills that will keep me out of the limelight, so I'm back in school to learn a less glamorous skill. Heehee. It's strange being on campus again; the last time was when I was dating thePenn State 1999 Offensive Lineup. Ahhh, the good old days.
Lady T: And the stripping?
Femme: That Asrai is she starting rumors! I Am not a stripper!
Lady T: You realize that every straight guy is totally saddened right now.
Lady T: Besides posting here, what are your interests?
Femme: Well, I love to volunteer. I send about 90 hours a week delivering meals toold people, playing with kids with leprosy and planting trees in my community.
Lady T: What a load of...
Femme: Naw, just kidding. Mostly, I just shop. And read books. I love to shop for books.
Lady T: Want to go shoe shopping later? I have sleeeve’s credit card for that…
Femme: Um! YES!
Lady T: Who are your favorite posters?
Femme: Gawd, put me on the spot why don'cha? I have tons... *Nibbles on a piece of popcorn, looking thoughtful* I have "different" favorites. My favorite smart-alecks are dangerkitty, George Tirebiter, and cyclehausen. For pure
sweetness, I love Sheila, Misto you and Pepe. For brainy topics, you gotta have Ayak and Sami. For just plain old goofiness, I love Sophie, Buggy, True, and Katem. Overall, I have several people whose posts I adore reading: Shakes, Nailbone, Lion Chow, Packman and mostly Bebo. Oh yeah, I guess I better mention my sister, too, or I'll look like a jerk. So, yeah... Asrai,
Lady T: You start many a thread asking for people to come drink with you in the bar. You know what happens when you go to a bar, you flirt. Who is your favorite person to flirt with?
Femne: This is easy: Sheila. Don't ask. And Mandy. Again. Don’t ask.
Lady T…Ahhh, Mandy… looks off in distance, Oh yes, well we all have crushes, who do you have a crush on?
Femme: Heehee, well, like everyone, I dream of sleeeve. That's a given. But I think I have a serious crush on Strider. Too bad I'm not his type. I love me some smart boys like him!
Lady T: From all the Reality TV shows, who would be the one contestant that you would have an affair with. No one would ever find out and there would be no repercussions from this affair.
Femme: Another easy one... Anderson Cooper. He's so yummy. And maybe Colby, if I can get him to keep his mouth shut and just smile pretty.
Lady T: If you had said Will, this interview would be so over and I would be very ean to you. I am glad you were wise enough to know that
Lady T: Finally, are you the Mole?
Femme: *pouts* NO! Why doesn't anyone ever pick me for the mole? I have such a good idea, too! I bet I'd be the best mole ever. *sigh*
Lady t: Heres some cheese with that wine. Look I need shoes, are you coming with me or not?
Femme: Shopping on someone elses card, of COURSE I am!
Lady T and Femme rush out of the theater. Stayed tuned for another edition if T Time when we find out, Who’s space is that for rent?