Welcome to Survivor Insider where grandma dying is a ball full of laughs one minute, and mothers and cancer are hands-off subjects the next. All in the world of ratings.

A few notes:

1) No "symbolic tribal council" in the Insider.

2) Seven minutes of the Insider is just Jenna's departure -- same as the show. No difference.

3) All archives of the Insider are available at http://www.londyscreations.com/survivornetwork Thanks to Larry Londy for the web space. (server is down until Saturday).

4) I'll hold most of the jokes until next week. At least I am not as insensitive as a few of my friends. I will never watch the show with these people again. Here's what happened:

Friend No. 1: "Why didn't they show a picture of her mother? I wanted to see if her mother was hot."

Me: "You're a complete jerk." (THROWS PILLOW AT FRIEND).

Friend No. 2: "Damn, this means she doesn't get naked again."

Me: "You two are complete assholes. And besides, don't worry, Amber gets naked next week."

Friends: "All right!"

SERIOUSLY...ALL KIDDING ASIDE....HUG YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS EXTRA HARD TODAY.

Now, onto the clips.

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SHII ANN ON JENNA
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Clip description: How does Shii Ann really feel about Jenna's decision to leave the game early? Find out now.

Markopolo's note: Shii Ann BLASTS Alicia for her comments before Jenna M. left.

Shii Ann (confessional): Well Jenna was really brave. She came to the challenge and she told all of America basically (SHII DISSING CANADA), and all of us that she made a big mistake and she needed to be with her mother.

That really touched everyone on this tribe and touched a few people on other tribes. It was a really moving moment. It brought us back to reality. We realize that this is a game based on deceit and manipulation (WHICH YOU BETTER START DOING, BTW).

Of course you can't trust each other. But in the midst of chaos, you do form friendships sometimes.

(ANYONE WHO IS FRIENDS WITH SHII ANN, SPEAK UP!)

(SILENCE)

(MORE SILENCE)

(CRICKETS.....)

(SMALL SOUNDS OF BUGS EATING AT AMBER -- NO, NOT ROB)

(MORE SILENCE)

(OK, BACK TO THE CLIP)

I formed one with her, Jenna. So she's going through a lot of pain and it hurts me.

That was kind of a surprise. To see how much it moved people, even in this game.

Now, there were a few people who made comments that were extremely inappropriate, I thought. (YOU MEAN BESIDES MARKOPOLO, THAT INSENSITIVE JERK WHO'S WRITING THIS TRANSCRIPT?)

Which is, blew me out of the waters. Alicia made a comment (LOWERS HER VOICE) "Jeff, I'm also an only child, and if my mother was sick, I never would have come here."

Well, that's great, Alicia. That's a good comment for you to make. But do that privately. Why do you have to point out someone's mistakes twice?

Jenna already admitted she made a mistake. Do you have to go and pour some salt on the wound? (STOP WAGGING IT IN HER FACE, ALICIA). What is your point, that you're better than her?

No one can put themselves into another person's shoes in that kind of situation. No one.

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ALICIA ON JENNA
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Clip description: Watch Alicia give her opinion on Jenna's exiting the game early.

Markopolo’s note: Alicia says the same thing over and over again. I’ll leave the opinions to the reader….

Alicia (confessional, but it's right near the tribe): My first thought when the game first started, about Jenna, was that I was shocked that she was here.

I remember seeing her on Survivor Amazon, Survivor 6, and her mom was ill. And she was in tears then. She was concerned then. She didn't know what was going on then. And it really seemed to take a toll on her when she played that game. She comes out here for Survivor 8 (WE CAN COUNT ALICIA).

And I was shocked to see her here. My first thought was, oh, wow, good for her, her mother must be well.

Because I'm an only child (AND A STRONG WOMAN). My mother is my best friend in my world. She could have something that was spotted and we didn't know what it is, and I wouldn't have left home.

I would have never left home. This game is important to me, but it's not that important to me. It's not more important than my mom.

And even if my mother forced me to come. There’s not a chance I would have gotten on a plane and come here. So when we all stood there today and heard her crying, and that she wanted to leave. I absolutely understand her decision to leave. She should leave. She needs to leave.

What my problem is: Why did she come here in the first place? (ALICIA MIGHT BE ANGRY THAT HER FRIEND, JEFF VARNER, DIDN'T MAKE THE CUT, AND COULD HAVE USED THAT SLOT).

She won this game. She has nothing to prove to anybody or herself.

She should have followed her heart. It obviously bothers her a lot. Her mother is not better. She knew it. Her mother was not off when she left.

The conditions here are rough. We're all suffering. No one's happy. And to have something like that hanging over your head, out here, will wear you down faster than anything. I understand her leaving, but I don't understand her coming here.

CUT

I mean, she's 22 years old. And I'm sure she got swept up in the moment of being asked. Because I know when I was asked to come out here, I felt pretty honored.

Out of all the Survivors, 18 were asked to be a part of All-Star.

So I understand being swept up in the moment. But I don't think my mind could have been so swept away that I didn't think of my mother. Because that would have consumed me.

And I would have been honored to be asked, but I would have turned it down.

She had time to sit and think about it. It wasn't like she had to get up on a plane tomorrow.

And nothing could have brought me here if my mom was in that state. Nothing.

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JENNA L. ON JENNA
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Jenna L (confessional): Actually, I'm not surprised she came out here even though she knew her mom was on her death bed. Because her mom's favorite show is Survivor. (OH THAT'S A GREAT REASON).

Being invited to Survivor All Stars is a huge honor. And I'm sure when she talked to her mother about it, she said, "Go! Go!"

I’m sure her mother pushed her into doing this. Not pushed her, pushed is the wrong word. (KIND OF LIKE WHEN KATHY SAID "CANCER" IN THE MIDDLE OF THE EPISODE!)

She encouraged her to do this. And she didn't want to let her mom down. So she comes out here. Then finds that she can't think of anything else, but her mom. So I understand her decision.

CUT

Yeah, it was very emotional. I try not to cry, so I didn't. (DIDN'T MB CAST HER AS THE CRIER FROM SURVIVOR ONE? THE ONE TIME IT WOULD BE APPROPRIATE TO CRY, TOO!)

But I felt like it. That's huge. Her mother is dying. This isn't just someone who is sick. This is someone who's terminal.

And it's her mother. It's not a friend. I would be there in a heartbeat.

It just makes you realize it's just a game. It really does.

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THIS OLD HUT
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Clip description: Do the men of Mogo Mogo respect the women's opinion about how to build their shelter? Watch the guys brush off the girls as they build their hut.

Markopolo's note: This clip is almost exactly the same as the show. There is a scene where Shii tries to explain how to place palm fronds, and Lex responds, "Why?" Hilarious! Also, Shii has some nice names for the two:

Shii (confessional): Lex and Colby together, it's like Click and Clack, Tom and Jerry, Laurel and Hardy. The two of them, "Oh Lexy!" "Oh Colb" Blah blah blah. "My kettle boy." "My tattoo buddy" It's like uhhhh (annoyed sigh).

Kathy (confessional): Shii Ann is having a bad day; she's letting the boys get to her. I'm trying to teach her that, when guys get like that, just let them. It's like the Venus and Mars thing. So they like hammers and tool belts? Let them and you go do your thing.

(SHOTS OF KATHY AND RICH WATCHING)

Colby (confessional): It almost becomes more annoying when someone's just buzzing around. Like a fly. Ask them what they can do instead of making yourself look busy or something. You know, I don't know how much brute labor force you're going to get out of those two girls ever. But to their credit, they did step up and whenever we asked them, they worked.

Kathy (to tribe, holding part of her glasses in her mouth like an aristocrat, with naked Rich standing next to her looking the other way): I can't tell if I like the front or the back better.

Lex: That's curb appeal, babe!

Kathy (to tribe): Selling real estate, I would have to say my items in the highlights would be the entrance. And the view.

(SHOTS OF SHII AND JENNA LOOKING ON, AND RICH LOOKING ON...WEIRD SHOTS)

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SABOGA'S BAD NIGHT
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Clip description: Not only do the tribes have to battle each other, they must also contend with the harsh elements of Panama. Watch as the Saboga tribe survives yet another treacherous night.

Markopolo's note: This is after the reward challenge, and the new Saboga shelter is not holding up. Great job, Rupert! Digging his own grave, literally. (OK SORRY, NO MORE DEATH REFERENCES THE REST OF THIS TRANSCRIPT!)

(CONSTANT SHOTS OF RAIN AND THUNDER/LIGHTNING AT SABOGA)

Jerri (confessional): Last night was just horrible. Why are we doing this to ourselves? For me....to win the money. The horror to get to that point is getting worse and worse and worse. There isn't a moment of any day that I don't question why I am out here.

Ethan (confessional): The roof is the most important structure. I don't care about the wind. ... I want a nice roof to protect me from the rain. And right now, I don't think we got that.

(SHOT OF WHAT LOOKS LIKE ONE OF THEIR TORCHES...I THOUGHT THEY LEFT THEIR TORCHES AT TC????)

Rupert (confessional): We still have problems with our shelter and torrential rains. Everybody's a creature of habit really and ...everybody has their space and I have my space (SHOT OF CRUNCHED UP SABOGAS).

My space is the worst of them all and it leaks like crazy.

(RUPERT COMPLAINS TO TRIBE ABOUT BEING COLD)

The lack of sleep and the lack of nourishment is a dangerous, dangerous combination. It'll kill ya. It'll sap the energy right out of you.

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CHAPERA'S DOWNTIME
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Clip description: Returning from the Challenge, Chapera had down time. Watch as the tribe lounges around camp trying to make it through another long day.

Markopolo's note: This clip shows useless time at Chapera AFTER JENNA leaves. Rob M seems unfazed by Jenna's departure.

Alicia (to tribe): Jerri's not doing well. She's having a hard time.

(PAUSE)

Amber: They looked really sad.

Alicia: They really did.

Rob M: We better keep ourselves strong guys.

Alicia: We are.

Rob M: Keep laughing.

Alicia: We shouldn't change anything that we've been doing. Nothing.

(CHATTER)

Tom: I'll say a little prayer.

Alicia: That's what I said. I'll say a little prayer for you. (I'M STILL HAVING FLASHBACKS FROM BEING DRAGGED TO THAT MY BEST FRIEND'S WEDDING MOVIE).

Alicia (I THINK IT'S HER): My mother lost her mother to a brain tumor when she was 10 years old. It's rough.

Rob M (changing the subject): What do you guys want to do today?

(CHATTER ABOUT DIGGING A TRENCH)

(ROB TALKS ABOUT BUILDING THE TRENCH "OVER THEH AND OVER THEH")

(NUMEROUS SHOTS OF TOM LOOKING ANNOYED)

Rob M (continuing to blabbah): We have to build theh moat around theh castleh.

(SHOT OF ROB C STARING AT HAND, NOT PAYING ATTENTION)

Rob C (annoyed): Do we need a trench?

(CHATTER)

Amber: If camp is flooded we need to (protect?) our fire somehow.

(TOM WONDERS IF THEY SHOULD MOVE THE FIRE)

(SUSAN CHEWS ON SOMETHING FOR FIVE SECONDS)

Rob C: We could load up that box with dry wood and only use it when everything is wet.

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TC TOUR WITH JEFF
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Clip description: Host Jeff Probst (in a striped shirt, no less!) takes us on a private tour of the ALL-STARS Tribal Council. Find out what elements from previous SURVIVORs are incorporated into the design.

Markopolo's note: I hate Probst. He looks dumb in a striped shirt and I think this clip is from the Early Show. Guess Survivor Insider needed some filler, huh?

Probst: This is tribal council. And the great thing is that we do it right at sunset. And you can see the last bit of what it looks like when these guys walk in (points to almost complete sunset). You have all this fire, the night sky and all the drama that's going to play out.

One other thing, everywhere you notice, driftwood. These are all pieces of pounded driftwood. We spent about three weeks with about 10 guys literally just scouring the Pacific Ocean just to bring all this stuff in.

And then the art department went to work and maybe it look like, ya know, it happened naturally over the course of years.

It's a great tribal council.

(POINTS CAMERA TO WOODEN STUMPS)

It's a nice, hot fire. It's about 25 degrees hotter up here than when they are down there before they get up here. So it's nice. It gets their skin nice and glisteny. (YOU JUST WANT TO SEE COLBY SWEAT, HUH, PROBST?)

And it looks good. It adds a little to the drama. One of the other cool things about the tribal council for all-stars is that it incorporates all sorts of moments from the different seasons.

You can kind of see, some painting along the bottom of the base. That's from Australia.

If you look at some of the huts where we hide some of our cameramen (HI, SLEEK!). This is from Africa.

These urns are from Australia. That's what Jessie and ??/ wanted to do was incorporate something from all the seasons.

It's very hot in here. Sometimes it is physically, sometimes dramatically. It's just hot.

CUT

And then as they vote, they make there way up here (GOES TO VOTING CONFESSIONAL).

And what’s really nice is it's very intimate. So it's not 25-30 feet from where the Survivors are, and then the Survivors come up to vote and they pull a pen apart and write a name down (WRITES). Which, this will never happen, but (SHOWS "PROBST" VOTE). They write a name down and while they're talking about why I am voting them out, these guys over the shoulder can hear. So that's where you get the conspiracy whisper going.

(WHISPERS: "HERE'S WHY I'M VOTING YOU OUT)

Lot's of good stuff right here. A million dollars decided right here.

And then comes the snuff of the torch, my favorite part.

(POINTS TO IRREGULAR, BIG STUMP -- NO, NOT GHANDIA)

This is my chair, another piece of driftwood that they found in the ocean. It has this natural little space for my butt. You don't find a lot of driftwood that has space for my butt. (THE DRIFTWOOD MUST BE HUGE IN THE BACK AND SMALL UP FRONT).

It's hard if you go in the Caribbean side, you'd never find this. (IF YOU GO WHERE NO BIG EGO'S ARE, YOU'D NEVER FIND ME).

Only in the Pacific.

(TAKES OUT SNUFFING THING -- NO THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH AMBER AND ROB).

This is the thing. This is the deal. This is the snuff. Mark Daal? Our creative genius from the art department created this with a conch, or conk, shell and another piece of driftwood. This holds a lot of power because this is what you never want to have happen to you at tribal council (NO, GHANDIA IS NOT PERFORMING STRIP TEASES).

(PROBST SNUFFS TORCH)

It's time for you to go. That's it, hope you enjoyed the tour.

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KEY HIKE
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Clip description: Watch Chapera hike across their Island seeking the first of three keys that unlock the tribe's mystery box. Do they find it?

Markopolo's note: This clip has no value whatsoever other than to hear Tom get all scared when he goes into a small "cave" to find the key.

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MB SIZES UP THE SURVIVORS
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Clip description: Just before the premiere of SURVIVOR: ALL-STARS, Mark Burnett assesses the returning castaways’ chances.

Markopolo's note: Not sure if this was before the first episode premiered or was shot. But MB definitely hypes up certain people who we think will go far in the game.

Mark Burnett (confessional): I think Survivor veterans, the all-stars, know one thing about me and my productions. It’s expect the unexpected. Don't try to outthink my production. (BUT YOU BETTER OUTRATE FRIENDS).

Just play the game. Go there. Interact with the people. Try to have a good time. Play hard. But don't try to predict. They'll be wrong every time.

CUT

Richard Hatch is the consummate game player. Mentally -- a gymnast. He can turn cartwheels in his brain on a dime. He's quite aware of his presence and what's he's giving off. It may seem like he's doing nutty things, like getting naked, there's a reason behind everything with this guy.

Sue Hawk wears her emotions on her sleeve. She's rough and ready. Still has that truck driver's mouth. But a hard worker and kind of has the heart and soul of middle America in her.

Rudy Boesch, war hero. This guy is so well-respected throughout America, not just Survivor.

CUT

Jenna Lewis, great, great competitor. Lively. Very, very clearheaded person. A lot of emotional baggage at times. But I've seen her in tough situations and I would never write her off. She is what she seems.

From season 2, Colby Donaldson. Kind of the movie star, heartthrob. Tough guy.

CUT

Jerri Manthey, also season 2, (LOOKS DOWN -- DOES HE HAVE NOTES?). She was supposed to be the wicked witch of the west. She's going to have to tone that down a bit as she plays the All-Stars. But she's a very bright person and a good athlete.

Amber Brkich was Jerri's friend basically. Amber Brkich was basically under Jerri's wing and in Jerri's shadow throughout the outback. And I always thought she had a lot to offer (UH, DIDN'T YOU SEE STUFF MAGAZINE? THAT WAS PLENTY TO OFFER). And so we gave her another chance to come back.

Tina Wesson, also Australia season 2, the winner. Tina was very, very clever. She had a motherly approach, but she was always playing the game and someone ought to be feared. Who just sneaks up on you and next thing you know, she's won the game.

CUT

Alicia Calaway, everyone remembers Alicia from the wagging the finger at Kimmi over the vegetarian, trying to save the chickens that everyone needs to eat. She went down in history for that finger-waving thing. Great athlete. Good person. And will be very strong in challenges.

From Africa, Big Tom, the heart and soul of America. A farmer from Virginia. He tells it like it is. He has such great ways of saying things in farmspeak. (SMILES) And a good guy, an all-around good guy. He went a long way in Africa and I expect him to go a long way here in the All-Stars.

Ethan Zohn, great looking guy. Another movie star leading man who won the game in Africa. Professional soccer player. Good athlete. He's someone, when it comes down to the physicality of winning challenges, never ever write Ethan off. On the individual game, he'll win immunity over and over if he gets that far.

Lex Van de Berghe, covered in tattoos. A rock and roll kind of guy. About 40 years of age and a mastermind. He's also a guy who played the game very very well and tripped up at the last minute (HUH, HE TRIPPED UP? YOU SCREWED HIM OVER, MB!). He's a guy to look out for if he goes a long way.

Kathy Vavrick O'Brien, a real estate person from Vermont. She came into Marquesas, played the cards wrong. Nobody likes her. She turned it completely around to become one of the most beloved players of all time. She is a big danger. She's the least likely threat you see. And in fact, one of the biggest threats.

Boston Rob, another Marquesas favorite, thinks he's the Godfather, thinks he's Don Corleone. He reminds me of Good Will Hunting. Great character, and (PAUSES), someone who could do very well.

CUT

Shii Ann was the one who fell for the non-merge. She assumed they merged, starts to make new alliances, goes to the challenge and finds out that she's stuck in the same tribe she's been betraying over literally. She was screwed. You know what? I want to see if she goes further. She deserves the chance.

CUT

Rob Cesternino, great great player. The best person to play since Richard Hatch. And the best player to not win. Let's see what he's got.

CUT

Jenna Morasca, we all know about her taking her clothes off, being in playboy, but she won the game. Swimsuit model. Obviously a lot more than a pretty face. No idea how she'll do as a winner. Big target on her back. If she's a worthy winner, she'll go a long way.

CUT

From the Pearl Islands, a player who made the biggest impact of anyone who has not won the game. Rupert Boneham. From Indiana, like a pirate, or like a child stuck in Hagrid's body. Incredible human being, who turned around after 2-3 months of getting well and came back to play the game again. You know, everybody's favorite. A great provider, child mentor. A good human being. A sensitive, great guy.