I'm not even sure where to begin on this matter. The whole thing about never be OK or anywhere near normal without grovelling to a poor, sad, sleepless parent who has never cared enough about his/her child to #1) be a parent; #2) check on the child to see if he/she was dead or alive or surviving; and #3) broke the law, is a criminal, & may even be violent or abusive ... is rediculous. Yes, children need parents. Yes, a child who has a relationship with two loving parents has a strong foundation and security. But you can't tell me forcing someone to have a relationship with a parent who may not care that you even exist or worse yet, is a violent, abusive person is not only irresponsible, it's possibly dangerous.

Hearing that Iyanla has or has had a prison minestry at least sheds a light on why she is so determined to push this on Antonia. I, for one hope Antonia continues to resist much of what goes on in that rediculous place. Not that I don't think Antonia needs any help ... it's obvious she has gotten herself into a mess and needs to grow up and be responsible. But I have my suspisions that much of her "story" is contrived and she is playing a role. I don't doubt the debt, the partying, & the irresponsibility but I do think she plays up her role of running to "Mommy" and being helpless & irresponsibe. They tend to happen at just the right moments, a bit too convenient, and JUST after supposedly learning a lesson. I don't buy it all. Reminds me too much of Lisa1 who played a similar role but so over-played it that it was rediculous ... and she didn't have enough sense to change it at all to even appear to be playing the SO game. Seems Antonia is doing some of the same. If they were truly the actresses they'd like to be, they'd be smart enough to also make their role a changing one to fit the SO "process". But I digress ...

I want to ask Iyanla ... who the he!! do you think you are trying to force people into a relationship with a parent when they may have a perfectly good reason not to want to go down that road. I grew up with an angry, selfish father that I do not choose to have a relationship with at this time. I am a stronger, happier person without him than I was with his negative, demeaning, angry, hateful, selfish attitude around me. I am a parent of an adult child and still feel it is MY responsibility to be the parent. If I were to abandon or abuse her, I would never expect her to come checking on me to see if I was sleeping OK or if I happen to miss her. I don't feel every parent, just because they had the physical ability to have sex, deserves to have their child come running after them. Parents are human and therefore make mistakes. But I feel and will always feel it is 1st the parents responsibility to grow up! They were the one who made the mistake, abandoned the child and needs to take the responsibility to do all they can to clean up their mistakes, swollow their pride, get off their pitty-pot, and make the first move.

There really was little discussion about Jennifer's relationship with her father and how that has changed her life but I had mixed feelings when I watched her contact him last season. The part of the conversation that stands out is how Jennifer was crying as she related to her father how scary it was when the feds rushed their home while the two young girls and her sick mother were there, ransacked the place, and took her father away in handcuffs and how hard it was from then on. With Jennifer's mother permanently ill and disabled, Jennifer had to take over being head of the house. Her father's response: how hard it was for HIM and how cr@ppy his life is now & that prison just isn't a lot of fun. I'm sure I should be more compassionate, but wasn't he the one selling the drugs because he didn't like working long & hard to support his wife & kids? Wasn't he also the one who had guns in the house with those drugs? I just had a feeling we weren't getting the full story. Life in prison for what they made it sound like was a very small amount of drugs just doesn't ring "the full truth" bell for me. Maybe I'm reading more into it than what there really is but it sounded to me at the time that Jennifer was working toward a relationship with a man who was extremely self-absorbed. He seemed angry that his 2 daughters didn't go out of their way to constantly contact him, bring him birthday gifts, get to know HIM. But I didn't hear him put much effort into knowing Jennifer, hearing about her life, or even expressing remorse for what his actions did to HER. He gave excuses and expressed how it affected him. So this adds someone else to Jennifer's life that will require a great deal of giving on her part and, unless he has since changed his tune, a lot of taking on her father's part. Fine if that works for her but I wouldn't want it pushed on me.

I have a feeling Jennifer was probably told by Iyanla to pull the "how do you think he feels" card if she doesn't get through to Antonia. I don't think Antonia needs to be forced nor guilted into contacting her father. If she chooses to at some point in her life, it would need to be as a mature adult. Understanding that our parents make mistakes and that our experiences with them affect our lives is one thing. Being pushed into a relationship with someone, whether it's a parent or not, is another. Parents have a HUGE impact on our psyche ... and a bad parent can have a hugely negative affect even on an adult child. It shouldn't be up to Iyanla to make that choice.

I'm sure the people Iyanla has met in the prisons have come across as wonderful, loving people who miss being home. I don't doubt that in the least and I am sure there are plenty of prisoners who have remorse and wish they would have done things differently. But visiting with someone and having them as a parent are two entirely different things. Also if criminals looked and sounded bad all the time, we would be able to identify them before they committed a crime. And if every man who fathered a child were loving, caring, and responsible, there would be far fewer children growing up without both parents.

If Iyanla wants so many fathers to have a daughter in their lives, she can adopt mine. He seems like a decent enough person when you first meet him. Just try being his child!!!

Sig by the talented Sharnina