When I was a kid, we had this dog we called Peanut because it loved peanuts and ice cream. This dog apparently had paranoid fantasies about some monster cat that would stalk our home, because Peanut would occasionally, and without warning go nuts and begin barking and chasing a phantom around the house. She would snarl and snap at the thin air and finally chase the ghost beast into another room. Peanut would then come loping out of the room so fast, you would think her tail was on fire and her ass was catching. She would leap behind a stationary object and quiver for ten to fifteen minutes before coming to her senses and moving about her day.

Each time she did it, I would laugh until snot came out of my nose and I ran out of breath. My mother would simply stare at me solemnly. She did not find the antics of a schizophrenic dog in the least amusing. In fact, she felt the hound might need to be put to sleep before Peanut went crazy and decided that one of the children was the ghost cat and took our young heads off.

Then one afternoon I was rolling around on the floor laughing at one of Peanut's attacks and something happened. Now I may be looking on this through the eye of a child with way too much imagination and a propensity to believe in the extraordinary, but I swear to you that as I watched, Peanut turned to me and bowed. Dammed if she didn't just bow like an actor before an adoring audience. The bitch was putting us all on. She wasn't crazy. She was being silly to get attention.

So, in summary: I have no idea what this story means, but as I began to write it it seemed appropriate.

I think what I am trying to say is that you are like a dog.

No wait, you are mentally unstable.

No, I remember now: I think you are a funny guy and I hope my mother doesn't put you to sleep because I like laughing so hard that snot flies out of my nose.

Superman, what I am trying to say is that I came for the Top Ten Lists, but I stayed for the fake attacks of SurvivinDawg and the uncomfortable homosexual banter.

Thanks

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The PEN is mightier than the sword