RW Philly Ep. 15 Summary:"A Very Special RW" (AKA "The Night My Head Finally Exploded")
It was bound to happen. Watching this show and its various carnivals called casts for over twelve years cannot be good for one's brain. I believe it's a scientific fact that being exposed to RW stupidity significantly decreases intelligence, as one's brain literally shrinks as they try to understand the backasswardness of the roommates. Or maybe I'm just too old for this crap. Ah, heck, I guess as long as Eric Nies still thinks he's young enough to do Challenges, I'll still be watching and writing summaries. Which means my calendar should be full for the next 40 years. At least.
We start the episode with the roomies chowing down at a restaurant while Willie is babbling about theater. Yes, we know, you're a drama queen, but Sarah is still better at it than you. Time to make some poisoned apples and get some screen time like a true media ho. See how Sarah does it? One of you mentions Mel Gibson, and it's all about her, because she doesn't like Mel. Or Mel Gibson, for that matter. MJ has a brain fart and asks "Why you hatin' on Mel G?" Well, "The Passion", of course. Sarah thinks it is anti-Semitic, which gives me hope for a possible intelligent, meaningful dialogue between the roomies. No such luck, of course. Sarah hasn't seen the movie (no prob), has experienced anti-Semitism (bad) by people who didn't know she was Jewish (huh?). Sarah, have you thought that maybe people don't like you because you're a delusional, leg-humping beyotch?
Sarah explains to us that she's used to being around people who know what they are talking about. She must work in a daycare back home. I know my 6-year-old nephew could school her on basic hygiene and hair care, at the very least. But that might be too much for her. As Sarah keeps blowing out hot air, my head begins to throb, then explodes at MJ's confessional, when he states that Sarah "knows alot". *Pop* goes 10% of my brain. He and Sarah continue to debate, if an argument about apples not being oranges but bringing up "facts" about turnips would be considered a debate.
Say goodbye to another 10% of my brain as Sarah, with the speed of a horny toad, turns the religious debate with MJ into another reason why he has problems with women (um, Sarah? He's gotten laid. Which is more than could be said about your sorry-a.s.s heavy petting with the gay dude. Just saying.) Sarah gripes to Shavonda, who's so into her own world wearing the fugliest top I have seen (tonight) that she just nods her head and smiles. Which is a sign that she will turn psycho. Very soon.
MJ goes to a bar and meets Kim, and what a small world it is, as they discover they have a mutual friend, not an STD, but a real live person he went to school with. MJ and Kim drink, flirt, and drink more, until MJ gains a flicker of conscience and leaves the bar, chewing on what must be a huge goiter in his lip. After talking and spitting to Landon, MJ decides to buy Kim a rose, then sprints away faster than FloJo. During the cab ride home, the goiter has appeared again, and MJ rambles about the girl knowing his friends, therefore maybe his (ex?) girlfriend will find out about his goiter. Or the rose ceremony with Kim. Who knows, we need some subtitles at this point, MJ's lip is practically riding shotgun in the cab.
Meanwhile, Willie, Karamo and Diana (the hairdresser) are getting drunk off appletinis and playing "make a sandwich" on the dance floor. It's all fun and games, until we find out Willie has to be at work the next morning at 7. Those of us who have stupidly done shots of Jager all night, thinking one hour of sleep will be enough for work the next day, when in reality we slept 12 hours and got fired, know that nothing good can come out of this. Except maybe some puke shots. Karamo tells Willie he is leaving, who responds with a "me too", then three hours later discovers Karamo has gone home and is getting his thug-dream on, which is where Willie should be. However, W does not even know where he is, only that the ground is spinning and everyone has a twin.
MJ announces that he has "snotted" as he and Landon arrive home. Must be some new sexual term, perhaps Sarah can enlighten us on it later. She's like Yoda, that one. MJ gets the 3 am booty call bug, he's compelled to call his girlfriend back home for some good old phone sex, but Shavonda's ear has become permanently attached to the phone. I've often wondered why, oh why, do the roommates only have one phone line? Seven people in one house with one line equals many arguments. I think I just answered my own question.
Shavonda does not want to get on the phone. She is talking to Shawn about the colors and consistency of each food item she's had that day, and she hasn't even gotten to the temperatures yet. Shav goes from zero to psychobabblebitch in about .48734 seconds when MJ says he needs to use the phone, and looks at her while he's waiting for her. Then he has the nerve to threaten her by stating that if she's not off in ten minutes his goiter will totally go off on her. Shav wills the tears to come to her eyes as she hangs up and has her 7th nervous breakdown of the season. MJ has disrespected her, that "white-a.s.s. country" mo-fo.
After a commercial break that is longer than the show segments, we see Shavonda crying to Sarah about MJ disrespecting her. Whining that she has not been disrespectful to MJ whatsoever, she was just innocently wrapping up her daily 10 hour phone call. Sarah is too busy trying to read this foreign item called a shampoo bottle, so Shav moves to Mel. Mel summons the spirits of our psychology forefathers, as it seems MJ's desire to make a phone call has caused Shav to regress to when she was in an abusive relationship. At this point, Shav is about as stable as Freakie at a Carnival Cruiseline festival. Shav says she has been choked, pushed, and bodyslammed, and that was just by her pet cat.
MJ confronts Shavonda, who at first denies she is upset, but proceeds to go off on him about his abusive, demanding behavior, and men should not ask Shav to do anything, at all, ever. It rubs her the wrong way. 30% of my brain as a realization comes full circle, why Shawn stays with Shav. He's a wimpy poopyhead who lets Shav push him around. MJ apologizes, but says he doesn't know what the big deal is. There may be hope for you, young padawan. But I'm not gonna hold my breath.
MJ tries to discuss the issue at hand, which is Shav being attached to the phone like a leech on Jeff Probst's butt. Shavonda cannot remember a time when someone wanted to get on the phone and she didn't let them. I want what she's smoking, cause if the short term memory loss is that great, the high must be fabulous. Shav and MJ finally huggy and make-up.
Willie has missed all the drama, as he has passed out in the cab. Willie is calling for Omarosa as the cabbie tells him he needs to pay up. W goes inside to get some money, but passes out on the bed instead. A bit later, the cabbie has brought the cops back for some tea and crumpets, and to get his ten bucks, beyotch! Karamo shows a bit of his tiny cold thug heart by going to the ATM and paying the cabbie.
The next morning, the roomies have to go do yardwork. They're actually doing manual labor? Not only does my head explode a little more, from joy this time, but I think hell has frozen over. Willie will not get out of bed, but he's usually responsible, so just let him slide this one time they have to sweat. It is quite a joy, though, to see clips of the roomies getting gross and sweaty (Sarah really doesn't look any different) interspersed with Willie sprawled out in bed, smiling. He really should be praying to the porcelain god, but he's a happy, comfy drunk in bed.
Later that day, the roomies have to go to the office. Wow, manual labor for what I estimate to be less than 3 hours, and an office visit. When are these kids going to get some rest? No wonder Willie gets drunk and sleeps in, with such a demanding schedule. He gets props, however, for being honest with the boss, telling her he stayed out too late. Not too smart, though, I've found such stories as "the dog in the pound" and "eating bad ice cream" fairly reliable excuses. Willie gets his pay docked for the morning, which makes me think I might still be working for a past job had I been honest about mistaking jello shooters for regular jello. Or something like that.
Poor MJ can't get a break with the female roomies. He calls Sarah "sweetheart" while they are on the bus, and she's thrown into worse trauma than Shav and the phone incident. It can't possibly be that Sarah needs the attention, as this episode has not been all about her. Nope. MJ cares so much he picks his nose while she opines how noone can have a conversation with MJ. Sarah's just so annoyed with MJ, has been since
he wouldn't sleep with her their last conversation. She tells Shav there are some things she likes about MJ (his hair, his eyes, his manhood), and some things she doesn't like (his girlfriend, his non-plussed attitude towards her (Sarah), his complete and utter disdain and repulsion for her (Sarah). Shavonda and Sarah agree that MJ is a sexist pig. They're really giving him too much credit here.
The rest of my head explodes as MJ continues to think it is about him, and not Sarah or Shavonda, and once again is sorry that Shav and Sarah have such fragile egos to be shattered by so little. Tru dat. *Boom*
Next week on RW Philly: Landon gets drunk, wields a knife, and accidentally gives himself a haircut.
Happy New Year, peeps!