1. What kind of food should Jeff have offered to make the others jump off their perches?

They should be put up on little stools and clap like seals for bread crumbs tossed at them by dwarves (PC edit - little people).

I’ve always thought that the food challenge should be changed so that the survivors were blindfolded, draped in pork chops, and placed into a tiger cage. PETA might object to innocent tigers being subjected to a nasty food challenge, but who cares about PETA anyway? They won’t let me wear my pimp feather.

2. Why did the show feel it was necessary to give one person two Immunities (necklace and idol) for winning a single challenge?

It was to see if anyone was hungry and desperate enough to mug whoever held the immunities. Without Shamu, FullOfIt, and Bonzo Hantz, the producers were desperate for drama and decided to see if anyone could be tempted into committing a petty crime.

3. What would Brenda & Andrea have done to make the challenge harder should moving to one leg have proved ineffective?

I would vote for an extended kissing scene, but that’s just me.

4. Two of your fellow contestants have left you stuck in the spectator stands for three hours. Is there anything you want to talk about?

I think lobsterboy, sans shirt and shade in the tropical sun for 3 hours, would have something to say all right.

5. Is there anything Jeff won't lie about or exaggerate in a tweet?

Don’t know what he tweets. But based on his comments about Reynold’s balancing heroics, well, you know what his other hand would be doing while tweeting.

6. What's preventing Eddie from claiming status as The One Amigo?

He went from one of the three amigos (I’m guessing he identified with Martin Short’s character?) to Cisco’s Pancho to The Lone Ranger without Tonto. I think those transitions might have him thinking about eating a silver bullet.

7. How did Reynold grow that mustache so quickly?

Not only are they substituting a Dreamteam stunt double for FullOfIt while he lies in a straight jacket (on purpose) back at the Ponderosa, they also had to shoot a tranquillizer dart into Reynold. Apparently he viewed the prospect of being on an island with FullOfIt with some despair. Anyway, what we saw was an Errol Flynn stunt man doubling for him. Next week we are scheduled to see a Grover Cleveland lookalike doubling for him.

8. This season has seen a ridiculous number of vote splits, even when the players believed they knew where all the idols were and whether they would be played. Will this have any long-term effect on the game?

No. Well, it will affect how long I can hold food down next week. Does that count?

9. Erik just handed Immunity over to the nearest blonde without a moment of thought -- again. Given that, what's his next move in the game?

He will declare that after his last season that he will never do that again. He learned his lesson from last time. (So of course in true Survivor fashion he did it again. Hard to keep up with Eric and his foot shooting ways). Anybody want to take odds on a bet that his wife will be a blond?

10. Dawn and Sherri claim they're not trustworthy. What does this make them?

The Scarecrow and Ms. Clingy

To the Shwack shack with you!