Aye Carumba, eet es yo, Senor Pissario again. Coming to you from South of the border of my raunchiest Rauncharita. I am also in Mexico.

We just got in from our latest field trip. It was part of an assignment in Staunch Raunchiness 201, "Development of Raunchy Girl Anti-Social Studies", a basic course required of all of my Fabulousa Ranchitaritas, and one that no one fails because the enthusiasm (and orgasms) is so high and attendance is always 100%. And we are now relaxing au naturale in the shallow rapids of an ice cold mountain stream, sucking down amazing quantities of Carta Blanca Cerveza. Following will be desert, tequila au naturale, as usual.

But you didn't tune in to hear about the group sex exploits of bunch of uninhibited young ladies and their boy toy lackeys, did you? With film and photos? And free souvenirs? No, you want to get right to the latest Spoilers from the South Pacific Survivor, of course. Straight from my always solid and accurate insider source, *not Russell or a Hantz of any species.

Spoiler #1: God, still weary and a bit pissed off about the trials and tribulations of Matt last season, once again visits the castaways, gets Brandon aside, and advises him to stop fretting, Evil Has Won! Game over.

Spoiler #2: Elyse got a good backside. And front-side. Not a really a spoiler, just an observation. Nevermind.

Spoiler #3: Elyse and Whitney received invitations to join something called the Rauncharitas(?) after the show. (Ed. note: My inside spoiler apparently has not heard of mis Fabulousa Ranchitaritas. Probably for the best too. And for the record, those are sincere invitations from me, Senor Pissario).

Spoiler #4: Semhar has announced that she will boink and BJ with anyone and have everyone's baby if she can return to the island. (Ed. note: If Semhar can learn to shut the F up, she will surely get a Raunchy Girl invite too. That girl does have some good ideas).

Spoiler #5: Juan la Cucaracha (today's self-naming) says that he feels like an extended failure. Despair. Depression. He a little guy against the world. Why can't he be liked? Maybe he will write a series of movies about a funny little guy, a New Yorker, who has trouble with women and is always depressed.

(* Disclaimer. Not my fault)

Tribes art. Again, not my fault.