Hola all over again, it is me again, Senor Pissario, your very accurate source for the latest Survivor Island spoilers smuggled off the island by my insider source, who is definitely, and I cannot emphasize this enough (apparently) for the lawdogs norte of the border, not *any sort ilk or kin of Russell Hantz.
There. That ought to satisfy them.
Now, new business, it seems that there are a number of you out there clamoring to be included in the raunchiest girl
gang school anywhere, the Senor Pissario School of Really Really (and they are really really) Raunchy Girls, now temporarily known as Raunchitas.
Easily understandable, and I don't blame you. We have a lot more applications than we can accept. So here's the deal. First, guys, don't embarrass me, this is for Raunchy girls. Transvestites, OK. Cross dressers, also OK. Transgenders, trans whatevers, all OK, especially encouraged are reverse cross gender trans-girls. But no guy-guys. Unless you want to be sex slaves and enjoy wearing maid's outfits or cabana boy clothes, and even then there are only a limited number of openings. Pun intended.
Next, read up on a bit of advice prepared for prospective Raunchitas, go out onto the web, find and read this:
(or just go a few posts up in this thread, which ever is easier)
Now, a few more things to expect:
Informal uniforms: Nakies.
Formal uniforms: Tees sufficient to cover nipples, with underarm sweat stained hairy armpits, and various and sundry stains under chin. Bullet holes with appropriate amounts of blood designate Raunchy Rank, and knife wounds designate the various theaters of action each has girl has participated in. Oh yes, and the requisite grease stains, we chop our Vespa hogs ourselves and pride ourselves on being greasy. We likes Greasy!
Shorts: Mini-mini-mini shorts. With the above staining, blood, and grease stains. A pocket or two sufficient for carrying mace, brass knuckles, and a honking beaver cleaver (that's raunchy lingo for switchblade).
A belt is an acceptable accessory from which you can hang your beer cozy and Raunchy Girl Tequila Shooters. And your pistol when you need it, but ranchitas really prefer bare knuckle ear biting eye poking and fisting.
There is also a personal inspection required, and a code of non-conduct which will be explained to you in private by me in my very private locked room. It will be taped, but you are welcome, encouraged even to submit a tape of yourself at your Raunchy best. Naughty tattos in naughty places encouraged. Good luck.
Well, there it is in a nut shell.
Time for the latest news from across the globe. All brought to you by my aforementioned insider source, *not Russell and smuggled to me via homing burro.
Spoiler #1: Warning for the HII, and PSA for everyone else: A bald headed elf will be spotted searching for Hidden idols. It is Russell, and it seems that even when he's not in the show, he still has to search for Hidden Idols. It is expected that he will also once again claim that because he is Russell Hantz, he don't need no stinking tribe mates, and that he actually won this season in addition to the other two he won.
Spoiler #2: It turns out that Brandon Hantz is slightly near sighted, and every time he sees two coconuts hanging from a palm tree, he gets a scourge and begins another session of self flagellation.
Spoiler #3: Ozzy begins disappearing for hours at a time. Turns out Dolphin Boy is beginning his transformation for a return to the sea. His curly hair is actually turning into gill folds.
Spoiler #4: Rancher Rick is asking everyone, where are my dogies, dang it? Where are those dogies? I got to round up my dogies for the rodeo, dang gum it!
Spoiler #5: Old news, but Sophie and Coach continue to pretend to communicate in their made up language, and the editors will continue to add closed captioning in Cyrillic for the English audience. Turns out that Crazy Ivan is on staff again this year.