LAST EDITED ON 10-04-01 AT 05:32 PM (EST)

Welcome to another episode of the Amazing Race. The show begins with the usual boring voice-over and the opening credits roll. Let the games begin!

The players leave Le Baux and have to catch a boat to their next location, Tunisia. Problem is, they're only given the country's flag to find their way. Doesn't CBS know any better than to give these guys a geography related clue? I mean, these are the same folks who spent 2 hours travelling to a museum 100 yards away. Anyways, Kevin and Drew leave, followed by the alliance teams Frank and Margarita and Rob and Brennan. Rob and Brennan ask Frank to read them the clue out loud so they'll "have time to prepare" but Frank would rather screw them (and from what I hear, so would Bill) then admit he can't read (you see, Margarita's "linguistic skill" extends to English too). The Lawyers, who had the sense to call ahead for their taxi, then leave Frank and Margarita behind to wait 15 minutes for another cab. Frank then says, "The lawyers are liars." Lawyers? Lie? Get out of here!

Team Guido leaves next and says their next destination is Morocco. David and Margaretta then say it's Turkey. Cut to the dock, where Kevin (or is it Drew? I can't tell anymore) says he talked to a girl who once had a friend who's roommate's cat once took a vacation to Algeria and she is certain that the flag they're holding is Algerian. See what I mean? Couldn't CBS have given them a clue that they could all understand? You know, like L M N O P Q R S Tunisia? Finally, Margarita, who I'm convinced is the only one on this show who knows anything, figures out the correct destination and tells the Festers the correct place. Kevin (or is it Drew?) takes a gulp from David's IV and they're off.

Skipping ahead a bit, Nancy and Emily are the last to leave. Nancy says something about Emily getting enhanced (ooh, that joke probably won't go over too well) and they leave. Once they get to the bottom of the hill, Nancy and Emily pull a Kim and Leslie as they steal Paul and Amie's reserved cab. Vegas bookies take 3-1 odds that Paul and Amie get their cab stolen once an episode from now on.

Eventually, everyone makes it to the harbour and, by some miracle, figure out that they must board a ship to Tunisia. Lenny takes some time to criticize Karyn by mocking her with, "that's too hard" and "that's too soft." Now who else was hoping she'd counter with "I can't see the monument" and "We're going to Notre Dame"? Team Guido finish the scene by buying everyone tickets on the same boat, once again nullifying any leads that may have been built up before this point. Good job CBS! (picture me rolling my eyes here)

Once in Tunisia, the teams find a man standing under a mini Arc-de-Triomphe (a subtle hint that they still speak French here). After locating the man and asking him for some salami or something, the teams get quite possibly the greatest detour in the entire race; a choice between buying a caffeine filled drink from a hard to find café (translation: all the locals know where it is) or to stay for a 20 minute massage.

Needless to say, 7 of the 8 teams (since Paul and Amie spend the next 5 weeks arguing about which route to take) decide to go for the drink, cocky and arrogant as they are. Emily takes advantage of her eye-candy appeal and gets a band of hormonal teenage boys to lead her to the café. I guess this goes to show that guys think alike worldwide. David and Margaretta take a different strategy and tail the Festers, who evidently appear to know where they're going. Says Margaretta, "I'm very competitive. It's always go go go with me. In fact, it reminds me of the time when I made David a pacemaker out of a coffee pot and a car battery so we wouldn't miss the K-Mart 50% off sale." Eventually, everybody, even Paul and Amie who chose to get their skin ripped apart for 20 minutes, makes it to their destination and gets their next clue.

The clue is a lighter that tells them to go to the Colosseum in El Jin, 200 miles away. You know what that means. More taxi madness! What happens here isn't too different from the million other shots of the teams catching taxis. Team Guido is still encouraging their cabby to cut off everyone else in traffic, the Festers are still thanking some local for their help, and Lenny is still doing something different that wastes time. Surprisingly, nobody decides to steal anyone else's taxi for a change. Nancy and Emily give their band of merry men some money and Nancy tells them that "their mothers would be proud," not knowing that she has just performed a traditional Tunisian custom and signed Emily into 10 legally binding marriage contracts.

Cut to David and Margaretta, who say that they don't intend to come in last place. As we all know, this means they're gonna be eliminated. This fact is then cemented when Phil "My name is Phil and yours isn't" Keoghan says they're "in the middle of the pack" (that's CBS talk for last place).

Now comes the mandatory "it's almost the end of the show and we can't hide which teams are in last place anymore" portion of the program. We see Lenny confirming that El Jem is a stop on the train, not knowing that El Jem is also the Tunisian slang for McDonalds, and Rob and Brennan kissing their tour guide girls goodbye. Next shown are David and Margaretta, who are having problems with their American money. (but this shouldn't be a surprise because we already know they're gone) They waste half an hour trying to scrape up enough Tunisian dinar so that they can take their cab to El Jem, even stopping a man who gives them some for free. What I want to know is, who are these people who give away free money and where do they live?

Anyways, the teams head for El Jem, where the Colosseum roadblock awaits. One team member must light a torch, find an ancient gladiator sword hanging above the Pit of Death and then sheath the sword to complete the task and check in. Yes, you read that right. CBS is giving this group fire and pointy objects to play with. Evidently, the great Skupin incident has taught them nothing. In a short run down of this event, Team Guido beats everyone else rather handily. They are followed by the Festers, who think they're in Bethlehem, and Nancy and Emily, who makes sure she spends some time to put out a small fire on the Colosseum wall. Emily, Smokey the Bear would be proud. Amie, who has to pee (and no, I'm not making this up), nearly burns her hand on the torch and nearly hits Brennan with her sword. But both of them check in, along with Frank and Margarita and Lenny and Karyn. In the end, however, it is David, who evidently can't remember which way is clockwise, and Margaretta, who at least got to sheath David's sword, (no, not in that way) who come in last place and get thrown to the lions in front a their applauding peers.

And that, as they say, is that.

"Aren't instruments fun?"
-Alyson Hannigan, American Pie 2