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"NaOinka"
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Colonel Zoidberg 3662 desperate attention whore postings
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12-02-10, 09:10 AM (EST)
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42. "Un-freaking-believable"
The spectacle we all paid witness to last night was truly disgusting and one of the few times I have actually finished watching a show and felt physically ill. It's appropriate that I used the word "witness" in the previous sentence, since the last time I felt this ill after watching a TV show? Fittingly, it was on July 8, 2010, one in which another quitter was featured for a self-indulgent hour that never should have seen the light of day, one LeBron James.

Let's recap NaOnka's performance this season - the first four episodes, she was merely a loudmouth who joined in some sort of alliance to get rid of Whitey. I'd call that racist on her part except she seemed to be blindly following orders from Brenda at the time. Fast forward to episode five, in which she's ready to hail the Quit Boat. I'm tempted to give this incident a pass, since she was the second of three potential quitters. I almost thought it was the beach, not her, that was leading the Quit Charge. After all, even Jimmy Johnson said he was miserable the entire time.

OK, so after that, she gets it together - and then, enter the merge. NaOnka channels her inner Russell and deprives the tribe of food - but without the associated strategy. Russell starved the tribe because he wanted to bring them under his command, a strategy previously employed by Stalin, Mao, and Kim Jong Il to great success. The ethics of it are dubious, of course, but at least the idea wasn't without some basis in strategy. That leads us to this point - what the hell was NaOnka thinking, other than that someone apparently upset her, so she lashed out by acting like a spoiled child whose mother took away her favorite toy.

After that, it looked like she might have gotten her act together, and in the next two episodes, she actually displayed some gamesmanship. This is where NaOnka began to realize her full potential. If she could begin to think strategically, she might actually have a shot. NaOnka saying on Night 28 that she had a chance to win was hilariously false. Had she said it at TC on Day 27, she might have had a case - it was a long shot, but it wasn't totally inconceivable. All she had to do was continue to think strategically, play the game, and not act like a spoiled brat.

Well, all it takes is some chilly rain to throw that out the window. All day on Day 28, it's the Spoiled Brat NaOnka Meltdown Show. At first, she wants to quit. OK, I get it. She's anemic, which makes it more painful to be cold and wet. I'm no doctor and know next to nothing about anemia, but my first thought was, "How did she pass the physical for the show?" I'd give a Gufu to the medical staff for letting her through, in much the same vein as they let Mike Borassi through to disastrous results. So she pulls it together for a challenge - something tells me she might be better suited for the Amazing Race, in this case, since she can wear a jacket and rain poncho and most of the game is challenge-based, but then I remembered that they went through Siberia, and I can't imagine anyone wanting to be her partner, so that's out - and then, after the victory, she announces she's quitting.

Begin the real downward spiral. She's going to quit - so Jiffy offers her a golden opportunity to redeem herself. Give up the reward and give the tribe rice and a tarp. I won't deny that she helped earn that reward. But let's not kid ourselves here. Her quit rant forfeited any right she had to it - so in the vein of redeeming herself, a sane person would have said, "The hell with it. You guys go on the reward." If she quits, at least the others got to enjoy the reward. If she doesn't, she's close to full redemption.

So who gets the hero move? Who else but - Holly. The mom of the tribe. Who spends all this time trying to talk NaOnka out of quitting. And feeling great - as well she should after that reward - she heads to the impromptu Tribal Council where, predictably, it's raining. And at Tribal Council, where Jiffy clearly looks peeved because he thought he wouldn't have to do this on Day 28, she proceeds to tell everyone what a great time she had on the reward. Take that, Holly. At least they didn't put her back on the beach before the reward. She might have stolen the rice.

At Tribal, she manages to make herself look even worse with her double-talk - out of one side of her mouth, she's feeling great and says she could win. OK, fine. Confidence is key. Out of the other, she has nothing left and she's proud that she came as far as she did. Again, that would have been like if LeBron James, after completely failing at life in the series against the Celtics, told the media that he was proud of reaching the second round. At this point, there's actually a glimmer of hope that she's changed her mind.

But wait - she's also taken it down a step further and played the race card. That's right - she's the last black person standing. Considering that there were a grand total of two black people on the show, and one ended up voted out post-switch for a food-related offense, one far less incriminating than what NaOnka did, I hardly consider that impressive. I wouldn't even consider it impressive in Cook Islands or Fiji, considering that the black tribe in Cook Islands was cursed by a total inability to work together and the band of black folks in Fiji had two built-in goats who ended up sitting at F3 looking stupid while Earl wiped the floor with them. I'd say NaOnka could have been one of those goats, but the minute she got to Moto beach and found all the stuff gone, she would probably have quit.

So in channeling her inner LeBron, NaOnka decides to quit. Like I said, I haven't been sickened by a statement said on TV since LeBron announced he was taking his talents to South Beach. And at least LeBron said "South Beach" correctly. And he didn't say that Clevelanders should "burm" his jersey the way NaOnka, the Queen of Made-Up Words, asked Jiffy to "smuff" her torch. The fact that she's on a jury who awards someone a million dollars is an affront to the game. It was an affront to the game in Palau when Janu was on the jury, too, but they were a little more constrained by the format at the time - no reason they can't trim the jury to seven now.

I actually hate myself not for defending NaOnka. I will say this to her credit - she's not a dumb woman. There's definitely a brain in her head that probably functions very well. The fact that she chose not to use it, however, is her downfall, and to that, I say good riddance. I couldn't even stand to look at her during Tribal, and that's saying something. Her lame-ass exit speech about how she owes no one an apology? Don't even get me started. Just go away. Forever. Now I understand why her husband left her. And I would look for a new career if I were her - if I had children, I wouldn't let hear teach them how to tie their shoes, let alone trust her with them.

I'd be harsh to Purple Kelly, too, but until last night, I wasn't aware she was on the show.

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Table of Contents
  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
 NaOinka   Flowerpower     11-15-10       
   RE: NaOinka   jbug     11-15-10     1  
     RE: NaOinka   Flowerpower     11-15-10     2  
         RE: NaOinka   jbug     11-15-10     3  
   RE: NaOinka   milkachulina     11-15-10     4  
     My two cents   RollDdice     11-15-10     5  
         RE: My two cents   michel     11-15-10     7  
             RE: My two cents   iltarion     11-16-10     9  
                 RE: My two cents   michel     11-16-10     10  
                     RE: My two cents   dabo     11-16-10     12  
     RE: NaOinka   Belle Book     11-15-10     6  
     RE: NaOinka   PepeLePew13     11-17-10     14  
         RE: NaOinka   dabo     11-17-10     15  
         RE: NaOinka   RollDdice     11-17-10     16  
         RE: NaOinka   milkachulina     11-19-10     17  
             RE: NaOinka   IceCat     11-20-10     19  
                 RE: NaOinka   milkachulina     11-21-10     24  
                     RE: NaOinka   dabo     11-29-10     33  
                         RE: NaOinka   milkachulina     11-30-10     34  
                             RE: NaOinka   dabo     11-30-10     35  
                                 RE: NaOinka   milkachulina     11-30-10     36  
                                     RE: NaOinka   dabo     11-30-10     37  
                                         RE: NaOinka   milkachulina     12-01-10     38  
   RE: NaOinka   michel     11-15-10     8  
   RE: NaOinka   suzzee     11-16-10     11  
   RE: NaOinka   Scarlett O Hara     11-16-10     13  
   RE: NaOinka   Karchita     11-20-10     18  
     RE: NaOinka   dabo     11-20-10     20  
         RE: NaOinka   Karchita     11-21-10     23  
     RE: NaOinka   Flowerpower     11-20-10     21  
         RE: NaOinka   Karchita     11-21-10     22  
         RE: NaOinka image   RollDdice     11-24-10     25  
             RE: NaOinka image   jbug     11-24-10     26  
             RE: NaOinka image   Karchita     11-25-10     27  
                 RE: NaOinka image   RollDdice     11-25-10     28  
                     RE: NaOinka image   Karchita     11-26-10     29  
             RE: NaOinka image   Flowerpower     11-27-10     30  
                 RE: NaOinka image   PepeLePew13     11-27-10     31  
                     RE: NaOinka image   Karchita     11-28-10     32  
   RE: NaOinka   jbug     12-01-10     39  
   RE: NaOinka   KeithFan     12-01-10     40  
     I think   jbug     12-01-10     41  
   Un-freaking-believable   Colonel Zoidberg     12-02-10     42  
     RE: Un-freaking-believable   suzzee     12-02-10     43  
     RE: Un-freaking-believable   PsychoKitty     12-06-10     45  
     RE: Un-freaking-believable   RollDdice     12-07-10     46  
   RE: NaOinka   rjrabbit     12-05-10     44  

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