LAST EDITED ON 03-02-13 AT 03:59 AM (EST)

If you were born on or after February 28, 2013, at or after the time Pope Benedict XVI's retirement officially began (8:00PM Central European Time), there will have been in your lifetime one pope and one pope emeritus. Until one of them dies or retires. Four time zones to the east make it March 1, 2013. Welcome to the world. If you were born before then see next.

If you were born on or after April 2, 2005, at or after the time of death of Pope John Paul II (9:37PM CET), there will have been in your lifetime two popes and one pope emeritus. Why are you still up at this hour? If you were born before then see next.

If you were born on or after September 28, 1978, at or after the time the dead body of Pope John Paul I was discovered after he died alone sometime during the night (something CET), there will have been in your lifetime three popes and one pope emeritus. Your were around when disco died but you were too young to remember. Or see next.

If you were born on or after August 6, 1978, at or after the time of death of Pope Paul VI, there will have been in your lifetime four popes and one pope emeritus. You were also too young to remember when disco died. Trust me, it deserved it. Or see next.

If you were born on or after June 3, 1963, at or after the time of death of Pope John XXIII, there will have been in your lifetime five popes and one pope emeritus. Congratulations, you survived the '60s and you weren't even paying attention. Or see next.

If you were born on or after October 9, 1958, at or after the time of death of Pope Pius XII, there will have been in your lifetime six popes and one pope emeritus. You wish you'd known to invest in Microsoft when it was a penny stock. Or see next.

If you were born on or after February 10, 1939, at or after the time of death of Pope Pius XI, there will have been in your lifetime seven popes and one pope emeritus. You wish you had invested in Xerox. Or see next.

If you were born on or after January 22, 1922, at or after the time of death of Pope Benedict XV, there will have been in your lifetime eight popes and one pope emeritus. You were a kid during the Great Depression, fought World War II, are pretty hard set in your ways and hoard your cash. You know it's true. Or see next.

If you were born on or after August 20, 1914, at or after the time of death of Pope Pius X, there will have been in your lifetime nine popes and one pope emeritus. Just hang on a little while longer. Or see next.

If you were born on or after July 20, 1903, at or after the time of death of Pope Leo XIII, there will have been in your lifetime ten popes and one pope emeritus. And, wow!, you're really up there. Or see next.

If you were born on or after February 7, 1878, at or after the time of death of Pope Pius IX in Vatican City before there were time zones, there will have been in your lifetime eleven popes and one pope emeritus. Now that was a long run. And you live in a remote mountain village somewhere where people subsist on nasty plain diets of mainly yogurt and live ungodly long lives. Or see next.

If you were ... forget it, you're a vampire, someone should stake you already.