10. The Olsen twins were just found curled up in an L.A. subway station, rocking back and forth while muttering 'It should have been ours, it all should have been ours...'

9. The grandmother-to-be has already sold the naming rights, franchise fees, merchandizing, and most of the stem cells. Purely out of love, of course. Why, when the kid turns eighteen, s/he gets a whole 0.0001%!

8. Meanwhile, North Carolina hastily unveils a Rap Marriage Amendment.

7. Ten million women just cofounded www.watchKKsfiguredie.com (It's a pay site.)

6. Now awaiting the rap wars delivering their first roll-by stroller rattle-throwing.

5. "She's the person I see most and who loves me more than anyone? So is the head of the film crew my mommy?"
"No."
"Lead makeup?"
"No."
"Script revisor"
"Sometimes."

4. Are we collectively willing to grant the apocalypse doomsayers a slight extension?

3. The womb camera will only be live for twenty minutes, but you can buy the complete nine month Blu-Ray compilation on Amazon or just sign up for streaming video!

2. "Kim, I know you're in labor right now, I'm gonna let you finish, but I've just got to tell you, I'm never gonna marry you, I don't want any of my fans to marry their own baby mommas, and I'm never giving you a dime in child support or a moment of attention to my baby! Let's have another!"

1. ...that kid is going to be so screwed up...

Is it possible to have so many megaDAW genes in one human without having them cancel out?