I feel a Youtube breakdown coming on -- mostly because the commentary on this episode (for the link about to appear) went so far into the Troll Zone so quickly that getting back to old-fashioned 'oh, look at this' might be the only balm possible. Do not read the commentary section. Snidget, that goes triple for you. There's only so much deliberate intent to induce suicide one person can take in a week and Survivor premieres Wednesday, so that's ninety percent of typical capacity right there.

In the meantime...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4GJ114kPuTQ

0:04 When last we left our disaster...

(You know, Spike At Your Service makes a lot more sense if you place it after this pair of episodes. Spike's 'Noble Dragon Code' looked self-written. He neglected his responsibilities, learned his lesson, and promptly went way too far in the opposite direction.)

0:32 Don't look back. Don't ever look back.

0:41 Clearly the Crystal Empire must sell some incredible duty-free alcohol.

1:03 RAINBOW DAD.

1:06 Dead-on IOC imitation. (Wonder how many bribes it needed...)

2:23 Bring It On Down

2:32 Pinkie certainly seems to sit on ponies a lot.

2:47 I don't know about you, but I find it hard to look at the crystal ponies for any length of time. Uncanny Valley for sparkles?

3:16 Generally it's better for everyone's emotional health when Dashie isn't invested in the situation.

3:22 'I call it Formation Twelve.'

3:49 Silly Cadence! The freebies are for the IOC! And anything not nailed down is a freebie! (Hide the heart.)

4:16 Supreme Murder-Avoiding Breath Control Technique. Six motes.

4:55 It's a funny thing to notice, but the size difference between alicorns and standard ponies really stands out with Cadence on that spa bed -- and she's the smallest of the royalty.

5:01 'It's been a thousand years since the last fashion magazine, okay?'

5:31 We have just proved reincarnation in Equestria. And we have also proven that in a previous life, Twilight was a manestylist.

5:55 Taking on too much work with too little time to do it in is kind of her thing.

6:05 Worst. News. Prioritizing. Ever.

6:08 Where -- is -- the -- bathroom?!?

6:19 As Rarity takes the first (skipped) step in conquering her OCD.

6:27 So in a world of brightly hued coats and manes added to distinctive cutie marks among four separate species, the visual identifier we are about to use for locating our target is -- luggage.

7:05 Next up, Rainbow Dash will attempt to get into the stage show down at the club.

7:32 I mean, really: pale yellow coat, two-hued green mane, earth pony, freckles, glasses, chicken on her flank. How hard would that have been?

7:48 Things can't be going this well, can they?

8:29 No. No, they cannot. (Total luggage identification failure.)

8:38 It's not a proper salon until the power tools come out.

8:58 "I AM YOUR OCD, RARITY! AND THIS IS WHY YOU CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT ME! SKIPPING STEPS, MY CMC!"

9:16 Come to think of it, that's probably a very common phobia.

10:10 Kind of like having people who don't represent the bulk of America make all the political decisions.

10:25 Party Cannon, take two.

10:51 Pssst! This is when you're supposed to catch on!

10:52 Nope.

11:31 Damn you and your unicorn logic!

11:39 'Remember, when she says things this stupid, she's usually right...'

11:57 She doesn't have six motes.

12:06 Nice little animation touch here in Rarity's near-hyperventilation.

12:14 Now imagine the part you can't see.

12:44 I had a museum guide like this once.

13:11 Remember, when she says things that stupid, things normally get a lot worse before the 'right' kicks in...

14:04 'And I'm flapping, and I'm flapping...'

14:45 One second of inner peace --

15:14 The less we know, the more sense it must make? To -- someone?

15:17 Tough filly, isn't she?

15:20 Oh dear.

15:32 Of course. (Crystal streets don't drain very well, do they?)

15:38 Well, it's like this, Fluttershy. There is one thing in the world you're not afraid of. And she? Is. Ironic, huh?

15:55 Measured squeak time: six seconds.

16:04 'I am in pain. I am in so much pain. I thought I was in pain after I let Derpy design my obstacle course, but this? Is pain. And I am in it.'

16:19 'Furthermore, when Rarity sees my mane, she will die.'

16:44 PONY COUGAR.

17:07 'FAUUUUUUUST!'

17:24 Oh, look at that. All out of motes.

17:57 Our luck is exactly that bad!

18:27 Something which rhymes with 'lucked'.

18:36 If you happen to like having your mane turned into a chandelier.

18:45 'I've been here for hours and my bribe income is still at zero!'

19:07 The last, best, stickiest hope.

19:48 'And you forgot to give her all of my bribe money, which means it's still waiting for me! Gimmee!'

20:16 Wheel of Dashie's Morality, turn-turn-turn.

20:52 And this? Is where we came out.