I thought everyone always said that. I agree with that.

It just seems there may be, to me, extra shame when we go from "some parents, and I think at some points in history most parents will lose a child and have to bury them" as the way the world unfortunately is to "parents should never outlive their children". Sadly, all too many parents still outlive their kids.

Maybe it is how I heard the should, or the tone that was used in the news cast. I think it is enough of a tragedy without making someone feel even more isolated and more of a failure because their tragedy is no longer common.

Let's just say for some reason at this point in my life, sharing the idea that there is a "should" that was violated when a child dies is off the table (I don't want to add to the shame they feel, they didn't deliberately set out to do this) and I won't say it. For some reason, in my head, I don't think you failed by not dying first helps.

But that is me. Everyone else can say it til the cows come home if they find it comforting or think it helps people grieve.

And maybe some of my risk assessment background and judgements about the risks some people take or don't take comes in. Like a parent that won't put a kid in the car seat. Just because lots of people say that kids always outlive their parents doesn't make it so.

On the other hand, I still want my Lawn Darts back, so I'm as hypocritical as anyone.