LAST EDITED ON 01-30-09 AT 09:02 AM (EST)

Edited to bump the sign-up date out a few days.

My weaselhood was insulted on another thread, and to redeem my honor, I am posting the TAR 14 Summary Sign-up Post. And now, some absolutely original writing, not taken from anyone anywhere. Really. I mean it.

1. We have sixteen contestants. This should mean that we're back to a standard thirteen episodes plus the Reunion, giving us fourteen total summary slots. (Whoever gets the finale takes the summary up until the announcement of the winner and first reaction shots: the Reunion transcriber takes over from there.) The mandatory Recrap episode is traditionally not summarized unless the moderators really need a punishment detail. Assuming a standard two-non-elims, we have 11 spots available.

2. In order to write a Survivor TAR summary, you must have completed a summary for any other show first. No total rookies, please: we need you to have taken a swing at someone and incurred at least one lawsuit. (The exception is the Recrap. If anyone for some deity-forsaken reason wants it, just say so. I'm sure your estate will understand. By the way, this has never happened of anyone's own free will.)

3. After the episode airs, the summarizer has to compile a version of the events filled with hate, disgust, complete contempt, and as much snark as they can personally stand, then let the public bask in their venom. (Again, looking at the current contestant group, this shouldn't be a problem.) Summaries are posted in the Bashers forum and must go up within 72 hours of the episode's airtime. Any resemblance between the summary and the actual show should be at least vaguely coincidental, for a really generous definition of 'vague'. As a general guideline, it helps if we can at least spot who was voted out.

4. Anyone interested in writing a summary must apply on this thread: just reply to the post. If you have any dates which you cannot work with, let everyone know in advance: we'll (the imperial 'we'll') try to accommodate people if we can. The season premieres on 2/12 02/15/09, so you must sign up by 11:59 p.m. EST on February 3rd wait – let’s stick with that 3rd 8th to be considered.

5. Should there be more writers than summary slots, one of the moderators will conduct a random draw to see who gets the episodes.

Racers ready? Go!

Yea, I couldn't think of what Phil says at the start. So sue me.