So who watched Ben's catfight card? If if's Monday and I'm in the mood for women with claws, I'll watch Kat Dennings, thankee. And did. The calorie count issue was actually leveled at Coke in the early days of the MCR program -- in the form of a lawsuit. Someone took them to court over the idea that in order to get points, you had to gain pounds. Coke won in a walk by pointing out people were free to scavenge all the codes they could find, plus there was always Dasani and Minute Maid. (Seagram's seltzer just showed up last year.) Of course, ever since then, Coke has been relentlessly bashing anyone who puts in more than their own personal consumption, but for purposes of lawsuits...
Any thought you've put into the irony of anything they do is more than they have.
As for the occasionally-literal flavor text... after a while, you just stop reading it. They all follow the same format, they're never actually descriptive, and the information you want most -- brand, original cost, number of parts which tend to explode -- is never there.
Proper nutritional serving size for an ice-cold Coke is one drain.