Ok, people, we’re down to the wire. Six people left in the house – Robert, Erika, Alison, Jun and her two huge butt cheeks. Get it on!

Tuesday
We start this week with a heartwarming scene between Erika and Robert. As you may have noticed, Robert follows Erika everywhere, promising her that they’ll go to the end together. Well, today is no different, although he does make today’s promise while picking his nose. Then, oh no... eating it! Eeew, I hope that just means he’s extra sincere.

The next shot of Jun stuffing her face with Mexican food actually looks good after Robert’s “snacking”. Damn, that girl can eat! Where does she put it? Oh right, the ass cheeks! Alison and Jun accuse Erika of being too thin. I accuse Jun’s ass cheeks of saying too much!

Midnight Faceoff at the Bathroom Corral
Jun and Erika wake up and go for a midnight chat. Alison, filled with as much paranoia as the next BB Houseguest, joins them. They sit and stare at each other for half an hour, each hoping that Robert will come in and scratch his ass to break up the tension.

BB4’s Most Important Veto
OMG, ladies and gentlemen. The veto has changed! It is now… The Diamond Veto. Which means absolutely nothing, but makes everyone go “Wooooo”. Every one wants it. The competition is making eight steps to the Diamond Veto, each with the names of the two people nominated in that week. We get some fake suspense which I won’t bother to capitalize on. As usual, Robert sucks, Jun and Erika get close, there is scare tense music and some crappy editing and…Alison wins.

Choking down their hatred, everyone sucks up to Alison. She promises both girls they are safe, showing she is as good at winning competitions as she is BAD at getting votes if she makes it all the way.

Luxury Competition
Crappiest prize yet, a ride in Jun’s bikini. Whooops, no, that’s a ride in the Goodyear Blimp. Once again, Robert sucks and looses, Erika throws it, Jun gets close and Alison wins. Jun and Alison both get to get go. Apparently the Goodyear blimp has a “whores only” policy for its rider and Jun and Alison are forced to dress as slutty as humanly possible. They do quite well, both tight and ugly clothing, and off they go. Erika and Robert have a nice, b!tch free afternoon.

America’s Choice
It’s going to be a cell phone call, ooops, I’m sorry, product placement “T-Mobile Phone” call. You know it’s gonna be Robert so we can get another teary father/daughter moment.
Disclaimer: Ok, now I am SURE that there is some sweet, innocent reason why Robert calls his daughter a special nickname. That being said, you know I’ve got to bash it!
Robert answers the phone, it’s his daughter saying “Pop?”. He yells “HI MOMMA!” (What? Eeew! WHY???) She starts to cry, I get a little teary. Then Robert says “I love you Momma, so much!” (EEEW!) “Don’t cry, baby, I love you Momma!” (Oh PLEASE stop saying that! This couldn’t get creepier.) “Don’t cry Momma, We’re gonna spend two weeks together soon.” (Two weeks? That’s it? Aren’t you out of work Robert?) “Pop, I lost a tooth!” (aww, that’s so sweet, maybe I over-reacted about the…) “A tooth! Oh MOMMA!” (YUCK! I didn’t overreact!) Ok, let’s end this before I have to stop the summary. Whew, he hangs up and sobs for a while. I take a shower.

Wednesday
Oh damn, it’s Julie Chen day! What hideous fashion reject is she wearing today? Oh my, it’s curtains. You think I’m kidding? There are actual tassels hanging form her green/brown/black satin monstrosity!

Alison is deciding who she will choose to vote out. Both Erika and Jun think they have a strong alliance. Ha! Not satisfied with making promises to both girls, Alison goes and lies to Robert for a while. And that will help you…how?

Erika and Robert have yet another crying, emotional interlude. Damn, if I didn’t know this was new footage I’d swear BB had run out of things to show us. YAWN! But Robert admits that he’s getting hotter and hotter for Erika. We get some nice shots of him ogling, then the punchline: Robert: “Why did we ever break up?” Erika: “It just wasn’t working. Stop picking your nose!”

Free Porn Alert!
Oooo, good, BB is going to give us some filler! Let’s check in with Amanda, Michelle and David. So nice to see David again, I miss him. Nice! We’re going to get a review of BB porn, David and Amanda’s HOH sex scandal. David lets us know that Grandma, indeed, love being mentioned RIGHT after David boned Amanda (“Grandma’s gonna love this”). Apparently she liked her cameo. Michelle is furious and disgusted with David. Ha ha! She’s also pissed that she was “portrayed” as a dumb blonde. BB kindly follows this with her saying “like, like, like, like. Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow!” Yes, yes, honey, you’re like, not dumb.

The Jury House
Alright, my favorite part of the show! I don’t know why we don’t get one night of the jury house per week! Nathan admits that he’s getting the hots for Dana and hopes again for Alison to give him love. Jee joins them and immediately starts talking about Dana and Justin getting it on. Dana’s going to have her hands full! Jee gets the water balloon initiation and they get him good! One right in the crotch, nice shot!

Live DIAMOND Veto Meeting
Julie Chen fills yet more time by reminding Alison that she can do three things with the veto: Use it on herself, take off Jun, or let the nominations stand. Yawn. Get on with it already! Yes, indeed, Alison uses the veto on herself and puts Erika in her place.

Alert: BB5 Contestants Needed
Do you have what it takes to bore the crap out of Canada Girl? Go to cbs.com to join up!

Back to the action (ha! I called it ‘action’!). Alison sobs a bit and boots out Erika. They hug and Erika is outta there.

Head of Household Competition
Here we go folks, all three can compete and you KNOW it’s going to be a long one. Out they go and begin part one of a three part competition. All three hop up onto little mini houses and hold onto their keys. Last person standing wins round one. Arrgh, make it more interesting, throw in some SNOW! Not just snow, they threw in some ice balls! No way more enjoyable to end a boring Wednesday then hearing Jun, Alison and Robert moan in pain. Ahhhhhhh, that’s just damn satisfying.

No weekend show this week, folks. However, since I’m a lazy bum and I’m posting this summary on Tuesday, there’s no waiting! Tune in tonight to find out who wins that last HOH and hopefully to see the freezing contestants cry and pee their pants!

Don’t stop now, you know you wanna watch!