Bravo television in connection with CBS is proud to bring you an exciting new series, Queer Eye for the Old Broad. This is show that takes 5 annoying perky gay men and pairs them up with one sad old woman who thinks she is 16. First up, Julie Chen. As you may know, Julie is the host of Big Brother 4, a reality based show that sticks 12 strangers in a house and bores us to tears. It seems Julie has not eaten since 1974 when she was 30, but is convinced that if she wears enough tight fitting clothes, she is Hillary Duff. The Fab Five have their work cut out for them, but see Carson introduce her to the more age-appropriate Jaclyn Smith line from K-Mart. Thom has a field day chiding her over her Backstreet Boys posters and puts up a pin up of Tom Jones. Ted introduces her to rich new foods and then shows her how to puree them as this will not clog her I.V. Kyan almost cries from pure joy as he dumps the wading pool filled with glitter she rolls in every morning and Jai tells her it's ok not to do her show like she is on the Weather channel.
Check your local listings for showtimes.
Yesterday on Big Brother, the hamsters got in drag, Allison thinks she has it in the bag and interest in BB5 has already begun to sag.
It's Wednesday and that means it's the Julie Show! I can barely curb my enthusiasm, but the show must go on. In case you are smart and haven't been keeping up with this show, Julie is the hostess. She is about Barbara Walter's age, but has had so much plastic surgery that I am even questioning if she is really who she says she is. My inside source tells me her real name is Betty Schwartz from Sarasota, Florida, but she changed it to Julie Chen after all the face lifts gave her eyes an oriental lilt.
Today Julie is wearing a black jacket with something red underneath. She combines it with white pants which gives her an Asian pear look.
After a lengthy and dull rehashing of Friday's episode, we see Robert putting the moves on Erika. He wants to date her again. She thinks he may have pulled out his brain while on his latest nose picking expedition, but says she'll think about it.
Jee is grasping at straws to save himself, but Jun isn't buying it and goes back to her trough to finish dinner.
Julie's back and is talking to Jun. Jun is wearing some nylon thing that is way too tight for her. I'd imagine it is easier getting toothpaste back into the tube than getting into that outfit.
Julie asks Allison what she would do if she won the trip. She lies and says that she would go home to see her boyfriend's first football game. He is playing for the 6th grade team for the 11th year straight.
Julie is back and decides to grill Robert. Robert seems to know everyone and I'm sure in his head he does. Erika thinks he is full of it and isn't afraid to show it.
During the commercials, I get up to take care of something and I come back and the Discovery channel is on. Now I am upset! Then I see that it is Justin and Dana going at it in the pool and now I am nauseated. Just knowing that they did the horizontal mambo ranks up there with walking in on your parents. You know they do it, but you just don't want evidence to the contrary. Nathan is lonely and he wants a cuddle buddy too. Good thing Jack walked through the door! They'll make a great couple.
Time for the veto competition and to no one's surprise, Allison used it on herself. Jun flips a coin and puts up Robert in her place.
After some live groveling, it is time to vote. Erika and Allison vote for Jee and he is out of here.
Time for the HOH competition. The three eligible houseguests are each given a paddle. I guess they get to spank each other and whomever has the best technique wins. Oops, wrong competition. They have to guess what was said by whom. After a heated competition, it is a tie. Time to go to the tiebreaker. The houseguests have to guess how many hours they have spent in that house. Erika should be able to pull this off, since Robert has the mental capacity of a chimp, but she blows it with her answer of 8,233,982,478,182 hours in the house. Robert's answer of 6 was closer. Robert is the new HOH and the Scream Team is doomed.
Next on Big Brother. Find out who Robert nominates and the America's choice of biggest loser.