*ding*dong* All Pirates to the quarterdeck!

Let's get this roll call thing covered so's I can get straight to my chest.
Jay? Check.

Loupert? Check.

JoeDumb? Check.

...Hunh?...Nessa?
Wait.
Who's this Nessa person?
Gosh darn it MB! How am I supposed to be thourough at my job if you keep introducing new characters each week?!

* gasp * drops jaw * watches Nessa jiggle around in wet and completely seethrough costume * adolescent giggle * subsequent uncomfortable change in bloodflow*

Ole' Cap'n Leadhead's been at sea for awhile now and is really missin' his wife back home.
How much longer does this job last?
Eventually I'll need to get me some congugatin' done, but for now perhaps a cold shower is in order.

*splash* Oh laaadieees!

Hey? Where's everyone going?
Ooo...what's that? A crab race?
Ooo... get me in on that action.
5 dabloons on Kingfish, please.

Next up? Treasure hunting with the crazy brit and lazy beetch.
(Due to this weeks treasure being sponsored by the French, don't get your hopes up too high.)
Captaigne Narcissism hid a mirror and marcque for the least bumbling of two teams. Can you dig it? bon voyage.

Cap'n Crumpet missreads and misleads the black team and eventually gets them in a digging fury alongside the Red team.
Beyond Christa's rock discovery, however, they board the ship empty handed.
Meanwhile, Cap'n Loupert and his merry bunch of weaklings drag Joy, give a little grabass, carry Joy, jostle some coconuts, lug Joy and finally, with productorial guidance, find the booty. (I mean if Kendra found it, it would have to have been hinted at, right?)

Congrats Red Team.
You win ... uh ... Diddly Squat! (That's French for $5,000. Which is, strangely, the same in english.)

Oh and there's also a Royal Pardon. (A twist MB will probably use for Survivor:China as well.)
Something that will inevitably lead to some super-hyped let-down.
Interested? It'll cost ya'.

Hope you're enjoying your time in the limelight Loupert.
No? What? You hate it?
Why you ungrateful piece of stunt casting.
I should have you removed just because you refuse to wear the hat. (It's still drugged, right MB?)
But dissing the jacket in public? *shakes head* tsk-tsk
Just not right to bite the hand that feeds you.

Okay, front and center JoeDumb, Assmyth and *butches voice* Cheryl. Loupert has marked you three with black spots. But before we start cutting ropes, let's see who bought the Royal LetDown.
Yup, JoeDumb did.
Congrats. You didn't need it.
*ahem* Sorry Cheryl... you have been cut adrift.

Alas. I hardly miss ye'.

Don't forget your moustache bleach!