LAST EDITED ON 07-28-03 AT 07:24 PM (EST)

Duck Ball vs. Boxing

Memo to the Olympic Executive Committee

The Elite Eight
Big Brother Four House
Undisclosed location, California
90201 USA

The Summer 2004 Athens Olympic Committee
2004 Olympic Blvd
Athens, Greece

Monday July 28, 2003

Dear Sir or Madam,

My name is Erika. On behalf of the BB4 House, I am writing to you because all of us here feel that there should be two new exhibition games added to the summer games next year: Rubber Duck Ball and Sex Boxing. First, let me begin by saying why I’m writing this letter and not some other poor slop. Jee, who is our head of household, thinks that I make people feel uncomfortable. But, you see Jack, and David, have assured me that this is not the case, and Dana will be the one to go this week if either one of them wins the veto competition this week. But, I digress. What you ask are Rubber Duck Ball and Sex Boxing? Both are sports here in the BB4 house, and people spend hours and hours practicing them. How do I know people practice all the time, when I make people feel uncomfortable and no one hangs around me? Well, there was this one whole episode that everyone spent practicing, well everyone but Dana, but really, who cares about her? Jun is maybe the only one who likes her, but hey none of us really likes Jun either. But anyway, I was describing what sex boxing and rubber duck ball were. Sex boxing is what Aliwhore plays with all the guys. Especially Nathan, or as we call him: Golly boy. I also know this important, because those loser producers kept asking us all about it in the diary room. Aliwhore could win a gold medal in boxing she’s so good. She kicks Golly Boy in the head, the legs, the face and everything. She doesn’t take crap. Why they just don’t do it, I don’t know. Now, for rubber duck ball: It was invented by cast of BB3. Marcellus really liked his rubber duck. Any way the point system goes something like this: If you land on the blue circle you get one point, and get to make fun of Jee’s new hair cut. If you hit the bucket, you get two points and get to make fun of every time Michelle doesn’t speak in a complete sentence-which is surprisingly often. Don’t they teach those kids anything in high school anymore?? If you actually get the thing in the bucket you get three points and get to make fun of Nathan every time he says “golly” or “I’m fixinta”. Jun admits that she’s not much of a thrower, and has no eye-hand coordination. Enough said on that point. Jack swears there are different kinds of throwing techniques. Girls grab it here and there; Jack and Justin prefer the butt grip. There was so much conspiring going on before the big duck ball competition it wasn’t funny. Dana was stupid enough to tell Jee and Rat face boy Robert that she knew what their game was and they should just tell her now if they were planning to backstab her. Jee hates her New York attitude, even though he’s from New York himself. Those ex’s are just something else. Well, in our duck ball competition everyone pretty much sucked except for David. He won the Power of Veto. He promised, promised Michelle and I that he would put Dana up for eviction. But that loser did no such thing. He strung us all along, and acted like he was going to put her up, but in the end the wimp went with Jee. I’m beginning to think, like, we might not have an elite eight anymore. It’s more like a magnificent seven-like that US gymnastics team the US had a few Olympics back.
In conclusion, duck ball and Sex boxing should become exhibition sports next year because they are going to be the next all-American sports; right up they’re with baseball and basketball. They are also great games to play at parties. When we threw Jun a surprise party, which she didn’t want, but hey, who cares what she wants, right-it’s all about us, well we played them and they were a great hit with both the elite eight, um, magnificent seven and the ex’s alike. There was this fabulous cake, and I had to laugh when half us couldn’t eat it because we were on a PB&J diet. In the words of Michelle “She was grateful because, we were so, like ”Happy Birthday.” Why they just didn’t make her a PB&J cake like Nicole made for someone last season, I really don’t know. It was so insensitive of those loser producers that we are thinking of going on strike and being even more boring then we already were. I mean, we, already watched Michelle and Aliwhore walk around the house in lettuce and tomatoes bikini. Personally, I would have done the whipped cream bikinis instead. Maybe then Jun would have joined in the fun…but anyway, that it why I think you should have duck ball and sex boxing at the summer Olympics next year.

Sincerely,

Erika and the Cast of Big Brother 3

Day of Alliances, Night of Yawns
Wednesday Day 19

Part one: Show of strength
Oh my heck, another hour of Julie (Yawn) Chen. She’s only one minute into the segment, and already I want to scream and yell from the room. I stick it out, only to discover that the viewers are forced into 10 more minutes of re-crap-wait, didn’t we just see another 10 minutes of re-crap before the opening credits? Why watch Monday or Friday’s show when one can see every friggin’ minute of what happened on Wednesday, but I digress. We open with Erika saying, “I hate Jee.” “Robert sucks.” “Jee is evil.” Pan to Jee and the ex’s plus Dana Jee: “It’s finally hitting Erika that she’s up. She has,has,has to go.” The X alliance nods heads frantically at the all-powerful Jee. Then we get a shot of Michelle in the Diary Room: “I have been comfortable all week. I’m not really worried at all.” Raise your hand if you actually believe that the girl will last through the night? If your hand is up, then I have a piece of swampland to sell you in Florida.

Wisest words of the night: Dana “You can’t go around to everyone saying I trust you”

Dumbest words of the night: Robert and Jee: Unanimous vote tonight for Erika.

Brilliant words of the night: David: Jee is an idiot. Jack: He’s not playing the game to win.

End of Part one...

Part Two: To Trust or not to trust, that is the question

Jun announces that she and Jee have a secret alliance. (Gasp!!) (If anyone’s surprised by that I have some more swamp land in Florida to sell ya’.) We then hear them say that they are each other’s “strongest alliance” in the game. Of course now the camera pans to lots of secret conversations between Jun and Jee. (I knew I should’ve paid for that 24 hour live camera feed that CBS tries to sell to all of us reality fan addicts.) Jun admits that their first alliance conversations were in Korean. hmm…that wouldn’t make anyone suspicious or anything. Jun states the obvious: “Because we are ex’s it’s a good cover” Shots of Jee and Jun yelling at each other, well mainly Jun doing the yelling. (Yawn)

Julie then fakes a warm and cordial greeting. She tries to find out who gave her the stupid compliment about her outfit. Robert tells all of America that he thinks Erika will go tonight. That was perhaps the most ballsy thing anyone has said in a reality show in front of the camera. I’m dually impressed. Julie’s not quite sure how to follow up with that remark, so she moves to the much safer topic of food. Nathan (again) talks about how hungry he is and how tired he is of PB&J. He’s so adorable, that I just can’t slam him for blowing the food competition last time. More horrible small talk from Julie. She really, really needs to get a clue.

When we come back from the commercial break we find out what Erika and Michelle’s parents think of how they are doing as a player. Yawn. I won’t bore you with the details. More yawns. We find out what the cast members from BB3 are doing. They show Roddy, Danielle and Lori. Roddy is writing, (aka unemployed) Danielle is doing her dream job, Lori is bartending and is in radio sales. I was so busy drooling over Jason that I forgot to listen what he was doing now.

The vote:
Michelle 6
Erika 2.
Jee and Robert looked stunned. Justin is jubilant. (even though he voted for his ex to stay)Michelle goes off to talk to Julie. The poor thing looks like she could have a break down any minute. Julie goes easy on her, and tells her that she was the youngest player ever in the Big Brother house, and that she did a good job. Yadda.Yadda.Yadda

Part 3: "Never underestimate the power of a women” or “There’s a new witch in town”

Robert: “Julie must’ve made a mistake. She had to have. I mean I said on National TV that Erika was about to go. And I was happy about it. If Julie didn’t make a mistake, then I am screwed. SOL. “
Erika: “Never underestimate the power of a women.” “Robert is so screwed. The elite eight is back in power.”

There’s a food competition, and some poor fool probably didn’t want to hear Golly Boy complaining all week again and rigged it so that everyone would win Burger King. And in an absolute thrilling turn of events Dana, yes Dana wins HoH. She sure saved her head from the chopping block.
Golly boy gets a French pedicure from Jun, and everyone wears army attire to win the food competition. In a predictable move, the food competition involves catching parachutes in army helmets. (I swear, I’m not making this stuff up.) Someone at CBS must’ve felt sorry for Golly boy and the gang because they won food-not just any food either. They won Burger King, Beer, Steak and lots of other good stuff.

Neatfreaks vs. the Blondes

Jun: “I now pronounce it Queen Jun day, and all of you blondes must obey my commands. “ “You there.” Nathan looks around cluelessly. “Who me?” “Are you blonde, you moron? Yes, you. Go yonder and pick up ye’s glasses.” With a wave of her hand Queen Jun is off to talk about what slobs the blonde people of her kingdom are. To make her point she points some jelly that looks like it could have mold on it and says “How do these blonde people manage to get through the day with out my cleaning skills?”

Dream team vs. the Elite Eight

All of a sudden the elite eight remembers that Dana used to be on their side. They come to her begging for forgiveness and wanting her to stick to the original alliance. But Dana is sleeping with the enemy so is anyone surprised when Aliwhore and Jack are announced? If you are I still have swampland in Florida to sell you……

In conclusion

Who will win the power of veto? Who will sleep with Dana next? Will the Dream Team overtake the Elite Eight? Find out next time on Big Brother 4

A Kyngsladye Original
"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."-Ralph Waldo Emerson.