LAST EDITED ON 09-29-03 AT 02:28 PM (EST)

***Official RTW Bachelor E1 Summary: Fat Bob Rides Again***

Ah yes, my friends, it is that time of year again. The time of romance, of roses and shocking rose ceremonies, of desperate media whores willing to dispense with their dignity for a few minutes of precious TV airtime. I speak, of course, of the new season of The Bachelor, the grandfather of reality dating shows, the one that has mastered the art of magically creating a two hour show out of fifteen minutes of actual content.

This time around, twenty-five lucky stalkers - I’m sorry, ladies - will be clawing at each other for the chance to marry Bob, who was last seen getting the ultimate backhanded compliment from Princess Trista, when she kicked him to the curb and told him, if only she had another rose, he would be her fifth-place guy. It was a truly touching moment, one that certainly brought a tear to my eye. Granted, that might have been due to the fork I was jamming in it at the time, but really, why quibble over details.

However, while Bob failed to warm Trista’s icy heart, he found a place in America’s. He was fat! He was funny! How could anyone not love him? Wait, don't answer that.

The new season of The Bachelor promises brand new twists. Personally, I’m hoping for one like Survivor 7, where the ladies are dumped into the mansion with only the clothes on their backs, so by the end they’re in nothing but dirty rags. Or maybe a tribal swap, where they exchange half the ladies for a bunch of random ugly chicks they find out on the street. Or even better, a bunch of men.

They are also promising that this season will be…

…wait for it…

…wait for it…

…The Most Shocking Season Ever!

HahahaHA!!! I knew they wouldn’t let me down. Don’t get me wrong, it’s no Most Shocking Rose Ceremony Ever, but I won’t begrudge them a little variety now and then.

Beloved host Chris Harrison is back. He tells us that we asked for Bob (we did?) and we got him. After Trista dumped Bob, thousands of women wrote in for the chance to meet Bob, and now the tables are turned, and the roses are in his hands. Wait, what? Didn’t we already turn the tables once, when Trista became The Bachelorette? So is he saying they’re just turned back the way the were originally? And where are these proverbial tables anyway? Maybe when they’re done turning them around and around, they could give one to me. I could really use a new kitchen table.

Chris also claims that, for the first time ever, the bachelorettes already know who the Bachelor is. Liar! I mean, okay, technically that’s true, but come on. All the guys knew Trista before The Bachelorette. Is Chris really trying to make us believe that The Bachelor and The Bachelorette are not the same show, just because the gender of the of the central player is different? Whatever.

Chris takes us back through a bunch of clips from The Bachelorette. There’s Bob, making fat joke after fat joke. There’s Bob, doing that embarrassing dance routine that I think we’re supposed to find endearing. He’s fat! He’s funny! Oh my god, I think we get it already.

There’s Bob on Oprah. There’s Bob with Jamie (now there’s a guy who’s truly swoon-worthy) on some talk show hosted by a fat blonde chick I’ve never seen before. There’s Bob getting accosted by stalkers because he’s apparently as famous as a rock star. Okay, um, if they say so.

Co-Executive Producer Lisa Levinson: Bob is almost the anti-Bachelor. He doesn’t have the smoothness of Alex…

Or the gayness.

Amanda: He’s not gay.

Alex: I’m not gay.

Lisa Levinson:…or the great looks of Aaron…

Hahahaha*oh*haha*snort*sigh… Good one, Lisa Levinson! She’s kidding, right?

Lisa Levinson:…or the money of Andrew.

Alright, that’s true.

Lisa Levinson: Basically he’s just a big loser. Apparently America just loves that in a man.

Executive Producer/Creator Mike Fleiss: Bob’s not the kind of guy we usually look for in a Bachelor. I mean come on, look at him. But we had to make him the Bachelor. The viewers demanded it.

Wow, having never seen what Mike Fleiss looks like before, it’s not surprising that he does his best work from behind the camera.

New this season is the exclusive behind the scenes look at the casting process. Apparently thousands of women from across the country applied to be the next Mrs. Bob Guinea Pig. Some even sent serial killer-style collages with his face pasted into their family pictures. The rest were sent polite rejection letters.

Another random producer again claims that this year will be different because these girls will know the Bachelor. And again, are these people on crack? It’s NOT different! The Bachelor and The Bachelorette are THE SAME SHOW. Feh.

We are treated to a montage of hopeful contestants going through their final interviews. For some unknown reason we get to see them giving urine samples. Hey, Mike Fleiss, I know they always say you should show, don’t tell, but in this case? I think tell, don’t show, or maybe even ignore altogether, might have been the way to go. Just my opinion. On the other hand, you are the guy they pay the big bucks to make these shows, so who am I to question genius.

Mike Fleiss: In looking for the bachelorettes, we look for all kinds of things. There are blood tests, psychiatric evaluations…

Which are apparently used to screen out any sane ones they missed in the first cut.

Mike Fleiss: …and of course they have to look good in a hot tub.

Because Lord knows a woman who doesn’t look good in a hot tub could not possibly be wife material.

Wait just one minute! Didn’t they just have a guy on The Bachelorette who didn’t have Adonis-like proportions? I know I remember seeing someone like that. What was his name? What was it? Oh yeah! It was Bob! How ironic, don’t you think? F*CK YOU Mike Fleiss, and your f*cking double standards!

Anyway, uh, where was I? Oh, speaking of Bob, let's meet him, shall we?

Bob grew up in Michigan, the son of Bob and Nora Papua New Guinea. He spent his formative years playing sports, performing, having bad hair, and amazingly, not being fat. Then he married his college sweetheart and started a mortgage company with his best buddy, and he laughs over the fact that he had no experience in the mortgage business, and it feels like that’s supposed to lead to some wacky fish-out-of-water anecdote, but it doesn’t.

It led, instead, to a break-up of Bob’s marriage. Bob was sad. Bob’s overly-bleached blonde, Midwestern-accented sister Dee Dee tells us it made Bob feel like a failure. Awww, poor sad Bob.

And then we get more fat joke-laden clips from The Bachelorette. Lord, please make it stop. WE.GET.IT. Bob makes sure we know, however, that he was only fat because of his knee surgery. See, unlike all the other fat slobs in the world, it wasn’t his fault. So don’t judge him, okay? He’s lost a lot of the weight now, anyway (but don’t let that stop you from continuing to call him Fat Bob). They don’t mention that he still hasn’t lost his bad hair, which is entirely his fault.

Bob: It’s gonna be off the hizzy. It could be a train wreck. I don’t know. It probably will be.

Probably?

Anyway, now that we’ve met Bob, it’s time to meet our bachelorettes! This season, in the interest of providing more filler, we get to accompany the production staff as they surprise each girl with the news that they’ve made it onto the show.

First up is Lindsay K. If you took Minnie Driver and made her blonde and southern, you’d get Lindsay K. I can’t stand Minnie Driver, by the way, so that’s not a compliment.

Mary is the token feisty Latina. She’s also 35. Wow, since when did they start letting the elderly on this show?

I am immediately suspicious of anyone named Misty. For some reason, we are shown a shot of Misty’s thonged ass putting on a pair of pants.

Darla is an attorney.

Karin is another token. Beautiful, but a token nonetheless. She’ll probably be kept around one episode at the producers’ urging, but don’t expect her to last much longer.

Stacey is boring.

Jenny is from Texas.

Shea is a firefighter from Louisana, and she’s got the accent to prove it. She seems fairly normal and down-to-earth, although it bears remembering that everything on this show is relative.

Lanah wants to be married to Bob. So does her family, so she’ll go away, and really, who can blame them? She has very shiny lips. According to her bio on the ABC website, Lanah’s hobbies are horses, polo, and snowboarding. Apparently she thinks Andrew is still looking for a fiancée. She’ll be in for a rude awakening if she really does end up marrying Bob. I don’t get the impression that Bob makes the sort of money required to support a polo-playing wife.

Heather is ready to settle down and marry Bob. Heather is shown in a bridal shop, trying on a full wedding getup. Be afraid, Bob, be very afraid. In her bio, Heather says that she is most proud of her ability to read people like an open book. Hmm, interesting. You might want to remember this for later.

Antoinette is a dead ringer for MoJo from Joe Millionaire, except without the awful hats. She even sounds the same. This is not a good sign.

Jenn seems fairly inoffensive. My one complaint is that, in her bio, she puts Bob’s name in quotes, like it’s a figure of speech or something, and not his actual name. Weird.

Lauren, who looks a lot like Kirsten Dunst, has had her entire wedding planned out since she was a little girl. No talk of wanting a husband or a marriage. Just the wedding. She knows her priorities. According to her bio, Lauren’s biggest accomplishment is her ability to make grown men weep and young men cry. Bob would be a fool to let her go, I tell you.

Christine says she’ll be a servant to Bob. I’m sorry, but, WTF? What century is this, anyway? She has this eerie, creepy, saccharine smile on her face the whole time she’s talking, and I could not possibly be more wigged out. Run away, Bob, as fast as you can.

Meredith wants both friendship and physical attraction, even though she’s almost 30, and women that ancient can’t usually expect both.

Kristi has a little trouble following instructions. She didn’t realize you aren’t supposed to use the entire bottle of self-tanner all at one time. On the other hand, her orange skin goes well with her crispy-fried blonde hair.

Brooke is on the show because The Bachelor is contractually obligated to have at least one Brooke on every season. You can’t really see it in the picture, but on the show, she has those zebra-stripey highlights that so many girls have, and which I just don’t understand. Do people really think that look is attractive? Because let me assure you, it is so not. She also has too much eyeliner and a fugly fringed dress.

Lindsay D is an L.A. Clippers Dancer. Awww, that’s kind of sad. Next to all these other girls, she looks rather plain. I hope she wins and makes them all mad.

Leona and Samentha (yes, that’s really how she spells it) are twins. They claim they don’t go for the same guys, and yet here they are. One of them says she would be the perfect wife because she’s not a nag. At first, I thought she said because she’s not a man, and I guess you can’t really argue with that. We see Leona and Samentha trying on various identical outfits. One of them says, “May the best one win.” Ew. These two are so creepy. I think they should just marry each other.

Julie completes the token quota. She’s sporty.

Shelly is supposedly 26, but doesn’t look or sound a day over 12.

Estella is like that girl in that Seinfeld episode who looked really pretty in certain lights, and frightening in others. Estella claims she is 28, but if she’s 28, I’m 19. As if to reinforce this point, she says in her bio that she’s ready to get married because she’s starting to see wrinkles. 28, my ass. Also, in response to the question, “Why would you want to try to find your husband on a TV show?”, she answers, “I wouldn't! However, have you seen Bob?” Yes, I have, and I’m still not quite sure what her point is.

Lee-Ann is a poor man’s Katie Holmes. She thinks she’s down-to-earth. The fact that she says that is the first clue that she’s probably not.

Kelly Jo is one of those girls who cannot speak without squealing and screaming and basically making you want to strangle her within five seconds of meeting her. In her bio, in response to the question, “Why would you want to try to find your husband on a TV show?”, she answers “They are slim pickings here in MI, and I think you can find a soul mate anywhere.” Um, I hate to break it to you, Kelly Jo, but Bob is from Michigan. In response to the question, “Why haven't you found the man of your dreams?”, she then answers, “What part of "I'm in MI" didn't you understand?” So she’s both stupid and rude. Wow, add in irritating as all hell, and you’ve got yourself quite a keeper there. If Bob gives her a rose, I may have to stop watching, just to keep myself from slitting my wrists.

Now that we’ve met all the bachelorettes, it’s time for them to leave home and fly out to LA to meet Bob. But wait, it’s time for more filler! We get to watch them getting ready. And I know I’ve said something similar before, but there is simply nothing more exciting in life than watching other women brushing their teeth, getting dressed, and putting on makeup.

Estella worries that she’ll trip getting out of the limo. Kelly Jo energetically greets the other girls, and much to my disappointment, no one bitchslaps her. Someone drops a credit card on the floor. No, that’s not important, but it’s my job to point out the little details.

Various girls are nervous. One girl plans to wear a hideous lavender sequined number last seen at my high school prom. One wishes she had more cleavage. Another gets her hair done and reveals that she’s not a natural blonde. Seriously, there are quite a number here with obvious roots showing, and what is up with that? I’d think if you’re going on national TV, the first thing you’d want to do is get your roots touched up.

Bob meets with some guy to choose his wardrobe. He shows up in scrubs, and is that allowed? I thought you have to be some sort of medical professional in order to wear those. Bob subtly drinks a Pepsi. Except by subtly, I mean really, really obviously.

All dressed and ready, the ladies make their way out of the hotel and into the limos, and I think they’ve all mistaken this show for the prom. They are way more dressed up then the bachelorettes have ever been before. Girls, girls, it’s what’s on the inside that counts (*snicker*).

So now it’s time for the bachelorettes to meet Bob. Aaargh. No, we get still more filler. Chris sits down to chat with Bob first. Let’s listen in.

Chris: What does Mrs. Guinea Pig look like in your mind’s eye?

Bob: Like my mom. Also, she has to be funny. Because I’m funny. Did you know that? But I’m not fat anymore.

Finally, the first limo shows up.

Chris: Let the journey begin.

Please. Let’s go already.

First out is Jenn. She looks nice in a pink floral dress. She wins points for having the courage to show up flat-chested. She does, however, slouch too much, probably because she’s spent her life being taller than most guys. Stand up straight, girlfriend!

Misty is the one with the lavender prom dress. Ugh.

Lindsay D., the Clippers dancer, is wearing a simple black dress. It’s okay, but it looks like it doesn’t quite fit her.

Darla laughs maniacally as she greets Bob, which makes Bob start laughing as well. I really think she scared him. She’s wearing a little black dress that may be sequined, but may also be made of pleather. I can’t quite tell.

Julie is wearing a copper-colored satin dress. Generally, as fabrics go, I’ve never liked satin, but it doesn’t look half-bad on her. But again, more appropriate for the prom.

Lee-Ann looks nice in pink dress. She wants the white picket fence and 2.5 children. She’s not talking averages, though. She really wants half a child. She scares me.

Christine is saving herself for marriage. She’s proud that she’s a virgin. At first, I was prepared to rip into her, because I don’t understand why people who are virgins feel the need to announce it to everyone, like they’re better or more virtuous than the rest of us sinners. But upon rewatching, it is pretty clear that, at least in this instance, she was clearly answering a producer’s question about how she is in bed. So whatever. But she still creeps me out anyway.

Next up are the twins. Of course, they meet him together, wearing the same dress, holding hands. Oh, but they’re wearing different shoes, so he can tell them apart. They think that if they were the final two, it would make sense, because they’re alike, and it would mean Bob knows what he wants. This is so f*cked up, I can’t even tell you.

Stacey is wearing a strange-looking laced-up bondange number. She speaks slowly and sounds rather dumb. She wants to get going and start a family, because “tick, tick, tick.” She’s 27, by the way.

Kelly Jo squeals and laughs and demands a hug before she even tells Bob her name. She is completely insufferable.

I didn’t think anyone could be wearing anything worse than the lavender prom dress, but twelve-year-old Shelly has proven me wrong. Words cannot describe how awful this dress is. The bodice looks like it’s some sort of pink leopard print, and the top is hot pink lace. You really have to see it to understand.

Bob loves Shea the firefighter’s dress. I think what he really loves is the way her dress shows off her gigantic boobs.

Lindsay K.’s dress, on the other hand, which is a cheap pink knockoff of Renee Zellweger’s 2001 Oscars Dress, does her boobs no favors by flattening them like pancakes.

Mary thinks it’s cute to greet white-bread Bob in Spanish.

Lauren, who you’ll remember has already planned out every detail of her wedding, also has completely planned out exactly how many kids she’ll have, and when she’ll have them. She discusses all this with a pointed, monotonic focus. She’ll do whatever it takes to get a rose. She scares me. She’s also wearing a black dress with these weird-ass colored beads that make her look sort of like a Christmas tree.

Bob gives Estella a little kiss, which elicits cries of “Awww” from inside the mansion. Estella fakes nervousness in order to take Bob’s hand and make him fondle her boob. I’d really love it if he tried the same thing and took one of the girls’ hands and stuck it into his groin. True to her earlier prediction, Estella trips while walking into the mansion.

Kristi: I’ll take one of you with nothing on it!

Wow, fake and classy!

Lanah is on a husband hunt, and Bob is her prey. She’s ready to get married, to Bob, fer shure.

*Stalker Alert*Stalker Alert* Heather already feels like she knows Bob. She kisses him in her dreams. But don’t worry, she’s not actually in love with him yet, so it’s okay.

Jenny’s crocheted white dress looks more appropriate for The Summer of Love than for The Bachelor.

Antoinette, the MoJo look-alike, is wearing a dress so unflattering that it makes me wonder if she’s really a man. She’s like MoJo on steroids. There’s way to much material in the halter top, which makes her shoulders look too broad and her chest look stuffed. The back is so low cut, you half expect her butt to fall out. Awful.

Karin is wearing a black, sparkly, off-the shoulder gown, and despite the fact that it’s yet another too-formal dress, she looks beautiful. Abosolutely stunning. In contrast to Antoinette, this dress flatters Karin perfectly. If this show were purely a beauty contest, Karin would be so ridiculously far ahead of the other girls, they could just declare the winner right now.

Brooke needs to lay off the eyeliner a bit. She looks like a zombie.

Meredith is wearing a simple black dress. It fits. It’s all good.

Once all the bachelorettes have made their way into the mansion, it’s time to party. They all cheer like the biddies they are. They laugh hysterically at his jokes (because he’s funny!) and fawn over him.

Lindsay K. thinks he is soooooo good-looking. Okay. She wants him to take her home and sop her up with a biscuit. What? What the hell does that even mean? Wait, don’t tell me, I don’t think I really want to know.

Crispy Kristi thinks he is soooo cute! He is!

Heather toasts to “the greatest guy in the world” and looks completely sloshed already.

Mary wants him to whip it out right now. The ring. The ring! Sheesh, what did you think I was talking about?

Kelly Jo wants to grab him and make out with him. Shut up, Kelly Jo.

Jenn thinks she needs to shove everyone out of the way to get his attention. Well, geez, what is she waiting for? Go for it!

Lee-Ann, worried that Heather is stealing the stalker spotlight from her, reveals to Bob that she sent him a fan letter. Wow, I didn’t realize adults actually did that.

Lanah asks Bob if it’s going to be easier or harder being the Bachelor instead of the bachelor. He says it will be harder. A whole lot harder. Oh, I bet it will. No pun intended.

Mary says something to Bob in Spanish. She claims she said something about his eyes and his smile, but we all know she told him if he didn’t pick her, he’d be receiving a little visit from some friendly neighborhood Cuban thugs.

Kelly Jo laughs like a banshee and asks if she’s going to get a kiss. Bob obliges and nervously calls her move genius. Sadly, you can tell she really thinks he’s being sincere. As her piercing laugh echoes through the house, the other girls roll their eyes. Beautiful.

Misty is upset that she had to share her one-on-one time with someone else. Um, it’s not one-on-one, then, is it? Idiot. Then again, her name is Misty, after all. I guess I shouldn’t have such high expectations.

Uh oh. Here comes one of the big new twists. It’s Bob’s mom! OH MY GOD! Yeah, nothing says “perfect man” like a man who has his mother help him choose a wife. Then again, we already know Bob has mother issues, so it’s not really a surprise after all.

Mom asks the girls various boring informational questions. We learn Meredith does catalog modeling, and now that she mentions it, I do think I’ve seen her before. Of course, that might also be just because she looks kind of like this girl I went to grad school with (who, incidentally, also happened to be batshit crazy).

Mom asks Stacy if she’d have the guts to refuse the rose, and Stacy totally stammers and non-answers, and Mom says she likes that answer. What?

Kelly Jo, not surprisingly, cackles. Look, I know that I’m sounding really repetitive, and I’m trying to come up with different ways of describing how offensive this girl is to my aesthetic senses, but it’s really, really hard.

Let’s go back inside and see how Bob’s doing.

Bob: Have you ever had a long-term relationship?

Christine: The longest has been six months. I’m saving myself for marriage, and as soon as the guys found out, they bolted. You know how it is.

Bob: Yeah… I mean, that’s great!

Okay, so remember what I said before about not coming down on her for announcing her virginity? I take it back. I don’t think Bob’s question necessarily required her to tell him here. I mean, yeah, guys generally want sex, but I think they’d be a little more receptive if you got to know them first, then told them, instead of blurting it out the first time you meet them. In any case, if Christine doesn’t get a rose, and she thinks it’s because she won’t put out, she’ll be sadly mistaken. It’s because she’s completely creepy. Don’t forget, this is the girl who wants to be Bob’s servant.

Antoinette thinks it's perfectly acceptable to ask Bob upon first meeting why his marriage didn’t work out. So she looks alternately like a man or like a whack-job from another reality dating show, and she’s tacky. She’s a winner!

Lee-Ann tells Bob’s mom that she has to help her because she’s not very aggressive. She doesn’t say anything about not being passive-aggressive, though.

Crispy Kristi asks another girl, “How was your one-on-one time, girlfriend? I got some, did you get some?” And then she does this bizarre chicka-chicka-waw-waw dance. This girl is so skeevy. I feel dirty.

Bob’s mom’s three favorites are Crispy Kristy, Lee-Ann, and Karin. Well, one out of three ain’t bad, I guess.

Heather says that if Bob is who she thinks he is, yes, she’ll get a rose. Remember, she’s the one who can read people like an open book. It should be noted that she appears totally wasted.

Chris and Bob retire to the deliberation room. Chris asks Bob his first impressions of the girls as they came out of the limos.

Bob: Well, aside from the fact that about 95% of them were insane, I thought they all came out with a lot of spunk.

Ew, really? What exactly was going on in those limos, anyway?

Commercials. Does ABC have any sitcoms that don’t suck?

Finally, after almost an excruciatingly boring two hours, we are finally at the rose ceremony. Chris reminds the ladies that they are empowered (of course) and can reject the rose if they feel they didn’t make a connection with Bob. Is he kidding? I guess he forgot the part at the beginning of the show when he explained about the thousands of women already thinking they had a connection without even meeting him at all. Does he really think any would change their minds now?

C’mon, let’s go already. I got stuff to do.

The first rose goes to Kelly Jo. She squeals and laughs. I know you’re shocked. But she rejects the rose. Ha! Fooled you, didn’t I? Of course she accepts it. Please god, just kill me now.

Lee-Ann, will you accept this rose? She feigns surprise and goes completely over the top with her excitement. Ugh, so fake.

Misty gets the third rose. I don’t know, maybe Bob likes girls with stripper names who wear ugly, outdated prom dresses.

Lindsay D. the Clippers dancer gets the fourth rose. Aww, how sweet, he picked the plain girl.

Crispy Kristi is next. Man, if you thought Lee-Ann was fake in her excitement, you ain’t seen nothing. I hate this girl.

Ay, dios mio! Mary is sixth. Whatever.

In several shots in between the roses, Lindsay K., the blonde southern Minnie Driver, can be seen grinning so hard she looks like she’s going to explode. I have no idea what that’s all about.

Tall, slouching Jenn gets the seventh rose. That’s cool, I kind of like her.

Karin is eigth. Fine. I’d have to wonder about Bob’s leanings if he didn’t choose her. But like I said, don’t expect her to last.

Next up is Brooke. Blah. She bores me.

Estella, will you accept this rose? In another shocker, she accepts. She does not trip on her way up to the podium, and thankfully, refrains from shoving Bob’s hand down her dress.

MoJo, I mean Antoinette, will you accept this rose? Certainly.

Meredith breathily accepts her rose.

Jenny and her crocheted dress grab the rose out of Bob’s hands before he can even ask her if she’ll accept.

Lanah gets the fourteenth rose.

Because Chris knows that most of these women have the intellectual capacity of patio furniture, he steps out from the shadows to remind them that the next rose is the last rose. Thank you, Chris.

And the final rose goes to Lindsay K. She thought he’d never ask! She really does look like she would have exploded if she didn’t get that rose. I fear what will happen when she eventually does get rejected. Look for her to be the next meltdown.

Speaking of meltdowns…

Crazy, drunk Heather just doesn’t get it. She collapses in a fit of tears. She just had her heart broken for the first time, on national TV no less. By a guy she barely knows. Maybe she should rethink that whole ‘I can read people like an open book’ thing. Is it wrong that I’m sort of enjoying watching her lose it? Bob, I think you dodged a bullet there, buddy. The other girls are disappointed too, but nobody else looks too devastated. Shea looks a little teary, but in her case I think it’s more due to the ego blow than anything else.

And that’s it, folks! Whew.

Coming up on future episodes of The Bachelor:

*The girls move into a mansion and proceed to trash it.
*Kelly Jo gets even more annoying, if that’s actually possible.
*Two girls kiss each other.
*Bob makes out with each and every one of them.
*Boobies, boobies, boobies!
*One girl forgets the premise of the show and doesn’t want to share Bob.
*Another girl who is not Jenny wears another crocheted dress.
*Still another girl gets offended that someone thought she was size 8 (oh, the horror).
*Someone chokes her own neck.
*Lee-Ann lays into Bob.
*Mary cries and doesn’t want to be filmed.
*Where’s Meredith? Why she’s in the bathroom having a medical emergency! Is it a black-widow spider bite? A suicide attempt? I really hope it’s indeed something serious, because I don’t like being taunted like that if they’re not going to follow through.