What Else Is On? Elimidate - an episode.

It's been 2 weeks since Survivor and TAR ended. All those hours not being spent arguing, analysing and recapping the events of Wednesday and Thursday nights have left a gaping hole the size of a long weekend in my schedule. SherpaDave gave me the go-ahead to check out what else is on.

Elimidate has been around long enough to have a bit of a following. Airing every weeknight at 10 pm probably helps. The premise of the half-hour show is a Single goes on a date with four other singles, eliminating one promptly after every commercial break and hoping the uneliminated one is willing to commence sexual festivities the minute the cameras stop recording, if not before.

I caught a Friday night episode. 10 pm is a timeslot that never seems to have decent programming. It's too early for the serious sex and not Prime Time enough to have to have a decent plot or intelligent characters. The group of 5 on the ep I saw made the Final 3 in Survivor Thailand look really smart, cunning and with-it.

Elimidate is the Dating Game but instead of a stuffy studio, contestants are now wining, dining and dancing at the Single's choice of local bars, restaurants and nightclubs. It's important to see your future one-night stand in a more natural setting, after all.

Another benefit of the venturing out is the bitchy mingling. Instead of waiting to be asked a set list of questions, the contestants may speak to the Single and to each other. The group I saw had obviously been encouraged to say whatever occured to them about the clothing, speaking voice, dance moves and general morals of the other hopefuls. The bitchier the better.

Michael is tonight's Single. He claims to be an equity finance trader, but looks more like a bouncer hopped up on steroids, who then speed-ingested a super-size can of Beefcake 5000. He has an Italian aura, short hair, bazooka arms and is from Brooklyn.

As if it will somehow prove he really is working in the financial industry, he is shown wearing a suit and talking on a cell phone. But not at a desk. No, oh no. Mr. On The Go Fast-Paced Man is working from his car and from a local park bench, his briefcase balanced precariously on his knees. Either this guy is embarrassed to let his colleagues know the level of desperation he's reached, or he doesn't have a real job. Mikey is also shown in the park jogging and doing push-ups. Then he is sitting at a bar post-workout. This guy probably doesn't even have his own apartment. I bet he still lives with Mom & Dad.

What's a reality show without Diary Room confessionals? DRs are those moments when one individual speaks to the camera out of earshot of the group. This show uses DRs a lot, some might say, too much. Michael DRs in Brooklynese that he's looking for a girl to keep up with him and always be on his tail. Sounds contradictory to me. It also sounds like he is one step ahead of bill collectors and process servers.

Michael hates drama queens and girls who make a fuss out of every little thing. Such as, I suppose, his lack of a private bedroom and a real paying job.

Round 1 is titled "Fun in Flatbush", which right away sounds pathetic and lewd all at the same time. Time to meet The Girls.

Jessica is an administration assistant. Her turn-ons are the New York Yankees. She says she has a big mouth. I think those two points are very much related and co-dependent. Michael DRs that when Jessica walked up, he saw a very pretty girl who had "all the right features." He doesn't want to break the meter on Girl #1, but that is really lame. I guess it means she didn't have an Adam's apple or a bulge in her pants. She is a slim blonde, with shoulder-length hair, who has chosen a tank top and sweatpants for the initial meet 'n' greet. Those first impressions are so important. I guess this is the only outfit that was clean.

Girl #2. Susan describes herself as "what you see is what you get." When she wants something she usually gets it. Unfortunately, a "job" isn't one of those things - the blurb onscreen says she's "unemployed." She has curly blonde hair, is the plumpest of all the girls and is wearing a god-awful blue t-shirt with huge letters in pepto-abyssmal proclaiming Queen of the Universe, teamed with pale green velveteen pants.

Our hero Michael notes the cheek-kiss she gives him in greeting. Her t-shirt strikes him as evidence of "flair." Susan joins Jessica standing on the sidewalk.

Girl #3. Tali is the skinniest. She voices-over that people think she's just a dumb blonde who talks in a baby voice, and that she's very cute. I'm not bowled over with the intelligence yet. Onscreen blurb says that she created her own first name. And it contains all her very favourite letters! Her hair is up in a bun, she's got a white halter top and a snug fitting white skirt that reveals belly-button. She lisps she's a fashion stylist, so I had to read the screen to get that. She breathes a hello to Michael "Hi I'm Tali" in a little girl voice, and he gives her a cheek-kiss. He tells us he she had a little freakiness to her, he liked the bangs and the blonde hair. He liked her look.

Girl #4 is Brandi. The only brunette, she is an education major and a shoe snob, whatever the hell that is. She has another Noo Yawk accent, in which she tells us that she is the best one and he is definitely going to pick her. She's going to be herself. She's wearing a white halter top, low-slung blue jeans & high heels. While her outfit screams "slut" her face is a study in vacancy.

The five are now ready to hit the first bar, Planet Thailand. Michael tries to get the girls to do sake bombers. Tali finds it disgusting. She doesn't drink beer. She is more into champagne.

Jessica, looking slightly bombed, tells us it's not a big deal, it's not gonna kill you (to drink beer). Jessica is a graphic design student and an admin assistant. She's trying to project a fun-loving, try-anything once kind of girl, but looking at her in that moment, I'm thinking Michael got it wrong. She doesn't have all the right features. Her eyes career around alot, and when she talks into the camera her mouth unattractively flaps.

At the bar, Michael has ordered sushi for the sole purpose of seeing the girls eat it. Immediately Brandi says she doesn't eat sushi. We see him feed Jessica using chopsticks quickly followed by her making a gag face. Jessica DRs: "I am not gonna be outshined by anyone. If you're gonna eat the sushi, I'm gonna eat the sushi." Way to be your own person, there Jess.

The girls all say whose outfits they like. Tali likes what Brandi is wearing but doesn't like Jessica's outfit. Brandi says to Tali that she is very soft-spoken, to which Tali responds that she's a lady and that she is totally against going on dates in sweatpants and drinking beer and wearing flip flops - it's plain and trashy. Back at the bar, Jessica is making more lame loud-mouthed comments at Tali.

Susan asks Michael what kind of girls he likes. He says he doesn't like nagging (well who does? Is there a guy out there who purposefully goes in search of a nagging woman?) "How do you feel about girls fighting?" she asks next. He gives a non-committal mumble, but the truth, as we learn, is he likes it, he likes it a lot.

Tali asks Jessica to stop screaming in her ear. She tells us she can't stand Jessica's voice and wonders how anyone could take an hour of it. Jessica DRs she can't stand Tali. They keep smiling at each other, so maybe there's more to it? I think these two ought to get a room.

Tali tells the group she is really girly, but if someone hits her, she'll hit right back. Michael asks Tali if she were to challenge Jess in a fight what would she do. Tali says it's not worth her time to fight Jessica, which Jessica takes as meaning that Tali is too chicken to fight her.

Tali DRs that Jessica is a lower income Queen's girl. Tali herself rarely ventures outside of Manhattan.

At the end of the first segment, all the girls voice their opinion on who should be booted. Curly Sue hopes he gets rid of Brandi because she is "my biggest competition." Brandi would like to see Tali leave first. Tali says get rid of Jessica and Jessica says get rid of Tali. I wonder if anyone ever says they want to be booted first. That would be funny.

I was curious about what sort of products advertise on a show like this. A shopping mall, a liquer from Africa called Amarula. Dishes, clothes.

Michael elimidates Susan. She asks why and he says the shirt didn't really "grab" him. She says she wasn't trying to grab him. So what was she doing on the show, the dingbat? He DRs that no-one is a Queen of the Universe and it's definitely not her. If his sentences don't hang together very well, it's because he leaves words out.

The remaining girls comment on the first cut. Jessica still wishes Tali had been tossed, and Tali says that Susan was kinda boring. If Brandi had anything to say, it was so unmemorable I didn't notice.

Susan's post-boot DR: "I really don't care. I'm glad to be cut first round, he's not my type." She spoke earnestly enough and I might have believed her if she hadn't already said she wanted to see the competition Brandi booted.

Round two is entitled Dressed to Thrill. Michael is walking along with Tali on his arm and the other two girls are lagging behind. Looks like he may have already made his choice. Michael tells us that for Round 2 they're going to a really cool outdoor bar called Relish? or maybe it was Radish? Either way, he turns much of what he says into a question.

Two of the girls have changed their look. Brandi changed but it was just into another pair of jeans and a cream top with some weird thing around her neck. Jessica is now wearing jeans and a pale pink top with black piping on it outlining where her breasts are supposed to be. Tali is in a tiny black dress and shoes with straps that criss-cross up to her knees. Michael describes her look as a "dominatrix." Michael has now put on a shirt and looks better with more clothing than with less. He has the kind of cherubic face his Italian mother bored her friends to death showing off pictures.

Clothing discussion. Jessica says to Tali that hers is an "interesting outfit." Tali responds by asking Jessica where she got hers, at Kmart? Jessica's comeback is to says of Tali's outfit she should be hanging out on a street corner, soliciting "dates".

Brandi is not too flashy or too shabby. She's quite pretty but seems drab next to the low rent feistiness of Jessica and the high rent, high maintenance, baby-doll dominatrix Tali.

Michael tells us he is enjoying seeing the girls fight over him. I wonder if maybe the girls are secretly attracted to each other. It would be fun, but there is altogether too much sniping between Tali and Jessica. I get the impresssion that normally Tali wouldn't say anything but feels safe here because of the tv camera crews.

Jessica is knocking back the drinks - they're free after all.

Then Michael steers the conversation to sex. He gets the girls to name the strange places they've had sex, and then asks about faking orgasms. Jessica demonstrates her fake orgasm. Michael DRs it sounded like a moose crying for help. Haha.

More ads - Bridal Show in Toronto. Get a better smile. Hakim eyewear and coloured contact lenses (why would anyone want mustard coloured eyes?) An ad for Elimidate has a gal choosing from 4 guys in case we were wondering. The ads are generally focusing on date-related products and services.

Michael elimidates Brandi. Tali says Oh Thank God. Obviously he is REALLY enjoying seeing the two fight. He tells Brandi that she didn't want to play the game (i.e. the catfight game) it makes sense that he kept the two main protagonists for Round 3. Brandi gives all three of them a cheek-kiss goodbye.

Brandi's departing comment is that she's not a skanky girl, she is more of a reserved person. Jessica says apparently her big mouth is what is getting her through. Her mouth is so ugly when she is speaking. Yuck.

Michael has a slinky girl (Tali) and a skanky girl (Jessica.) Round 3 is Dance Maul Fever and it's off to a nightclub where Michael says he will feel comfortable hanging out with two girls. With a girl on each arm, they drunkenly make their way through the club to a seat. I'm surprised there were allowed in, given their level of inebriation.

Looking at the three of them I think it's a shame that Michael was so intent on having these two. Jessica IS very low-class in the way she walks, talks and moves. I'd much rather have seen more of Brandi.

Tali says that she is drunk. Jessica is lap dancing near Michael, moving woodenly. She is really more of a mouth girl, after all, but given that this is on TV, she isn't going to cut right to the chase and do what she usually does.

Tali tells us that Jessica moves just like a booty ghetto dancer, that she does not know how to shake her ass. Tali does, and proves it by taking a turn dancing in Michael's face. Jessica says, "wait a minute, I don't see the pole. Somebody get her a pole." Michael also calls for a pole and DRs that if he saw Tali dancing on a stage he would definitely put money in her panties.

Michael asks them a few last-minute questions. Tali tells him that she thinks Jessica is "goofy", which Jess is willing to accept, not considering "goofy" to be an insult. Jessica says there is nothing fun about Tali, except that she waves her ass in front of people's faces. She says Tali sounds like Snoopy on helium. (LOL) Jessica does an imitation and give Tali credit - she laughed at it. Tali then tries to do an imitation of Jessica, but it's lame.

Tali drunkenly DRs that Jess is 5 levels below her in class. Jessica DRs she can do a great impression of herself and thankfully she is too drunk to carry out the threat.

Jessica tells Michael that they're very curious to know what kind of dancer he is and he says he sucks.

Cut to the three of them on the dance floor. Tali and Jessica are fighting on the dance floor, pushing and shoving each other. Mike is moving in a lame imitation of dancing. But he is enjoying their fighting. The real fantasy is the two enemies become lovers. Shame he has to pick just one girl, isn't it? He encourages them to dance together, and Tali at least tries to comply, but Jessica won't play.

Last batch of ads:. Street Smarts (A guy in the street is asked what state is completely surrounded by water. His answer: Alaska. So how many states are there? 52. Oh really, 52, and so the last two are? ... Alaska & Canada LOL o LOL Street Smarts is a hella funny show.)

Michael is holding Tali's hand as he announces the final cut. Once again, it was a really really hard decision. Jessica is out. Michael says Jess is a cool girl and someone to hang out with, but he wants to get into Tali's head. Right. More likely into her pants, her apartment and her bank account.

Jessica is pissed. "Boy did he ever make the wrong decision! Who wants to listen to her for an hour?" Jess sits down to have another drink and drown her sorrows in booze, hoping to pick up some other loser now that she's all "aroused." The show ends with Tali initiating a french kissing session. Michael is up for it and we leave them having a deep meaningful moment. "Into her head" - yeah, I see what he means.

Elimidate is not the kind of thing I'd bookmark in the tv guide. But it is a bit of a hoot, and hopefully one time there will be a really hot guy or gal.

Personally I always found the Newlywed Game to be a far more entertaining show.