Official “The Apprentice” Episode 2 Summary: Swingers and SleepersPush-up bra? Check.
Low-cut blouse? Check.
Mini, mini skirt? Check.
Stilettos? Check.
OK, now that I’m in the official Trump-approved wardrobe, on with the summary.
Suite Sensation
The guys are giving the low-down on how things went in the boardroom while hoping that Troy and David are the two who will return to the suite. Sorry boys, that’s your first disappointment this episode. Kristi said this is when the reality hit home that one by one folks would be eliminated. Aw gee, up until then, she thought that she was on The Surreal Life 3, except that this version didn’t contain celebrities. Oh wait, that means it would be just like the first two.
The women then decide to pick a project manager for their next task. As Ereka’s talking, Omarosa interrupts to suggest that they pick a name at random to be fair. Ereka suggest they have nominations. She nominates Amy, and others quickly agree. Amy says she’ll do it, as long as Ereka and Omarosa behave. Don’t hold your breath, Amy.
Omarosa complains that the other women just want to shut her down. Hmm, I didn’t know that “shut her down” meant “keep discussion going after someone makes a bad suggestion”. I guess she was expecting them all to kiss her feet and say, “Of course, Omarosa, we’ll do whatever you say. What would we do without you?” She should have gotten a clue when her “Donald’s Darlings” corporation name idea got nuked in the first episode, but she’s obviously not on the clue train yet. I’d ask what color the sky is on her planet, but as we’ll learn later in this episode, that’s not a good direction to go with her.
Since it’s been at least 2.3 minutes since Trump has been seen or mentioned, we now see His Own Favorite Megalomaniac order someone to call the suite and tell them to meet a Deutsch Advertising in an hour. When one of the guys answers the phone, he’s told (surprise!) that they’re to meet at Deutsch Advertising in an hour.
The teams get ready to head out. The guys decided to wait and pick their project manager after they knew more about the task (point for them). Jason says that he should be the project manager, since he used to work at an ad agency, and they all agree.
Ummm, when a guy that young says he used to work at an ad agency, you can draw from the following conclusions:
- He didn’t like it, so he left.
- He wasn’t good at it, so he left…and he may not have been the one who made the decision to leave.
- The Jasonator…makin’ copies…
None of these bode well for leading his team. Gimme back that point I awarded earlier.
Welcome to Deutsch-land
The wanna-bes and the viewers are given a tour of the agency by advertising DAW Donnie Deutsch. We’re hit over the head with images of the different business climate. Ooo, Donnie wears a plain grey T-shirt to work! Ooo, there goes a guy on the scooter! Aren’t we avant garde?
Trump gets tired of sharing the limelight with this DAW and explains the task – an ad campaign for corporate jets. (Oooo…) The winning team will fly on a corporate jet to Boston for dinner, while the losers head to the boardroom. Donnie the DAW grabs the spotlight back as he explains they will have full access as they design, at minimum, a 30-second TV spot and a print ad. Donnie spews out sound bites like “This is about big ideas…Don’t be afraid to do it fresh, out of the box. Don’t just do ‘this is what an ad is’. The greatest advertising does it differently. He then advises them to “swing for the fences” and that “failure is not an option”.
Wow, Donnie DAW knows his clichés. Let’s speculate on which ones got edited so that the episode would only last an hour. Hmmm…
- Win one for the Gipper.
- Reach for the stars.
- Dare to dream.
- Carpe diem.
You get the idea.
After the commercials, we find a strange break in the, ahem, action. It’s time for Uncle Donald’s Teaching Time. Today’s lesson? “Don’t negotiate with underlings.” As Uncle Donald sits in his tacky palace, he lectures the camera to deal with the boss whenever possible.
Hmmm…swing for the fences. Deal with the boss. Foreshadowing, anyone?
Taking Off and Flying Blind
At Protégé, Amy’s first suggestion was to contact the client, and she made an appointment with the CEO and the Senior VP of Marketing for Marquis Jet Card. Omarosa tries to angle her way into the meeting. When Amy chooses Ereka instead, Omarosa starts bashing Amy’s decision-making skills. Surprise. The rest of the team heads to the airport to shoot while Amy and Ereka head to the meeting.
Cut to Versacorp, where Jason announces he’ll be the floater between the two groups. He designates Bick and Bill as the creative team, advising them to “come in the middle” between their corporate and young-and-sleek ideas. Oh good, Jason lasted long enough at the ad agency to learn some clichés. Troy suggests meeting with the client, and Kwame agrees, with Jason and Nick dissenting. Finally, Jason declares the meeting “a waste of time”. Troy wonders how they’re going to meet the client’s needs if they don’t know what those needs are. Jason sends Nick, Bowie, Bill, and Kwame out to the shoot, while he stays at “home base” with Troy and Sammy. OK, Jason lasted long enough at the ad agency to learn baseball references too. But I don’t think I want to know what he plans to do at home base.
It’s time to check the Foreshadowing Scorecard:
#1. Uncle Donald says meet with the boss. Who wanted to meet with the boss?
a) Protégé – Amy called for a meeting right away.
b) Versacorp – Jason decided that meeting with the boss was “a waste of time”.
Show of hands…anyone have a guess which team will win? How about a guess who’s going to hear those two little words? I thought so.
Meanwhile, Amy and Ereka are scrambling to find the office. Glad you brought a local with you, Amy. The client told them to “wow us” and that nothing was off-limits. This information is carefully relayed to Tammy at the airport. Tammy then explains her concept for the print ads – a phallic symbol. Sex sells, The Sequel.
Speaking of sequels, Omarosa didn’t like the idea. Surprise. If it’s not her idea, she doesn’t like it. She thinks it’s a disgusting approach to a “quality, luxury service”. This from the woman who thought “Donald’s Darlings” was a fitting name for their corporation. Ever the shrinking violet, she confronts Tammy and tells her they need to be serious and not insulting to the client. Tammy says they can be serious and funky.
Versacorp has a van headed for the airport too. Bill asks for the Cliff Notes version of the message from home base, but as we all quickly learned with Sam, he doesn’t know how to give a short answer. Instead, he treats Bill to a fight he’s having with Jason. Bill comments, “You ask Sam what time it is, he tells you how to build a clock.” Bill is too smart for this silly show.
As the teams finish their ads, we get an impression of their campaigns. The men love their ideas and guarantee victory. Their message is that the corporate jets are safe and convenient, and they deliver the message in a tactful, classy way. Yawn. Omarosa thinks Tammy’s “testicle ad” compromises their ability to win, but Amy thinks it’s sexy.
Let’s revisit the Foreshadowing Scorecard:
#2. Donnie DAW said, “Don’t just do ‘this is what an ad is’. The greatest advertising does it differently.”
a) Versacorp – Sends a message of safe and convenient.
b) Protégé – Combines shock and sexuality.
Show of hands…anyone still undecided on which team is in trouble?
It’s crunch time, and the guys are hard at work on editing the TV spot. Well, some of the team members are, anyway. Sam, Jason’s problem child, curls up on the floor and falls asleep. Jason said he would have fired him on principle.
Back to the Foreshadowing Scorecard:
#3. Producer Mark Burnett is infamous for editing misdirection to try and build suspense.
a) Versacorp – The men consistently declared their confidence in the approach and guaranteed victory. Jason said he’d fire Sam for falling asleep on the job.
b) Protégé – Not everyone on the team is confident about winning, since they’re risking offending the client.
They are hitting us over the head with this editing, aren’t they?
The Moment of Truth…(in Advertising?)
Protégé decides to dress like flight attendants for the presentation, since they’re selling the full experience. Yeah, we know what you’re selling. The women are introduced to Linda Sawyer, managing partner, and Peter Gardner, media director. Omarosa presents their proposal, which includes ads and a direct mail campaign. When Donnie DAW interrupts to remind them of the problems with direct mail and the high number of people who just throw mailers away, Omarosa assures him that people won’t throw away these artistic efforts because “they’re damn good”. The judges are clearly shocked by the phallic print ads. Then Heidi leans across the table to present the TV ad and tells them it leaves the viewer wanting more. When Donnie DAW compliments her lean, she practically throws herself into his lap. Um, take your own advice. There’s such a thing as overkill. Omarosa starts applauding as soon as their ad ends, drawing a rebuke from Donnie DAW who reminds her that the client should applaud first. Amy wraps up the presentation by pointing out that their approach couples sex appeal and some shock value. Donnie DAW tells them how far they’ve set back the women’s movement.
Now the men are up to bat. While some of them fight, Nick, the self-proclaimed “Zen Master of Presentations”, gives Kwame some last-minute coaching. Since Kwame has a Harvard MBA, I think he was just humoring the Zen Master, because I know from experience how much practice MBAs get on presentations. Kwame presents the print ad, and then Jason gives a polished multimedia campaign. What was their message? Zzzzzzz….June Cleaver talks about how reassured she is that her husband is flying safely with the Marquis Jet Card. They end their campaign by handing out cigars.
Guys, do you really want to fly on a private jet to reassure your family that you’re safe? Or do you want to fly on a private jet because it’s a status symbol that will make so many people in your life jealous? Think about it. Cmon, you brought out the phallic symbols at the end of the meeting. Do you really want to sell safe?
Now it’s time for the decision. Linda picked the women because the generic men put her to sleep. Peter picked the men, saying he prefers steak to sizzle. Yeah, convince me that’s why you want to fly on a private jet. Donnie DAW says he’s torn, but he calls The Donald to announce the decision. The teams return to the conference room, where Donnie DAW says he didn’t see the big idea. As for the women, he wasn’t sure about the idea, but they swung for the fences. At the end of the clichefest, he chooses the women.
Boston Beanies (Without Weenies)
The women toast in the limo. Amy smiled that they went from distrust and distress to organization and triumph. They fly off to Boston. Then they toast some more. There was obviously a lot of toasting, since it’s after 3am when they end up in the limo to head back to the plane. Omarosa had a headache, so she told everyone else to be quiet. Did they listen to her? Do they ever? Well, she managed to fall asleep anyway. When they got to the plane, Ereka tapped her on the shoulder to wake her. Was Omarosa grateful? Cmon, it’s Ereka. She threw a hissy, of course. Get a clue, Ereka. This woman is going to push your buttons and keep distracting you from the game unless you wake up and recognize your priorities.
Things don’t cool down on the plane. Omarosa shows her gratitude for being awakened by calling Ereka a baby and telling her she’s emotionally unstable. Ereka replies, “That’s the pot calling the kettle black.” Omarosa makes the previous hissy fit look mild by accusing Ereka of a racial slur. Oh, and we didn’t think Omarosa was playing with a full deck. She had no trouble pulling out the race card. She said the others were intimidated by a strong black woman and are strategizing to get rid of her. Next she accused them of oppressing coffee by adding cream to lighten it to a less intimidating color. Here’s a news flash, chick…it’s your penchant for stupid ideas and interrupting that make them want you out of the game.
Please Present Your Boarding Pass
Meanwhile, back at the suite…
Sam: Jason, who’s going to the boardroom?
Jason: Shut up.
Sam: Who do you think is getting fired?
Jason: Shut up.
Sam reminds me of Dewey from “Malcolm In The Middle”. The guys practically burn down the suite trying to make dinner, as Sam continues to be even more annoying that the Verizon “Can you hear me now” guy. Troy is actually worried about Sam. Either Troy is the most caring person in the world, or he is way too hard up for friends. Back in their room, Troy tries to get Sam to relax. Take a break from here, Sam. I vote a permanent one. Troy puts his cowboy hat on Sam and tells him to “be the hat. Be the country boy.” I’m resisting the urge to yell, “Noonan!”
In the boardroom, Jason’s decision-making skills are called into question. Troy compliments him on being a second-half quarterback, and Nick is supportive as well. Sam is critical, which prompts The Donald to point out that he’s likely to get picked now. Then it’s time for Jason’s picks to join him in the boardroom. Duh, he picks Sam, pointing out Sam falling asleep. Jason wrestles with the second decision before blurting out Nick’s name. The Donald is surprised that Nick was chosen and asked Jason why he picked Nick. Jason had the lame reason that he had to pick someone, giving The Donald way too clear a picture of Jason’s decision-making skills. Gee, and he actually had time to make that decision – looks like he used it wisely. Not. The Donald asks Nick if he would have said those supportive tings about Jason if he had known he would get picked. Nick remained loyal and decisive, saying he still thought Jason did a good job. The guys are sent out of the room to crawl around in the lobby while The Donald and his goonies debate.
George: Sam doesn’t fit.
The Donald: But it’s so fun to push his buttons. He’s a fun schizo wind-up toy, and he amuses me. And you have to admit, he’s not the reason they lost this time.
Nick, Sam, and Jason are summoned back into the boardroom. Nick asks if he can say a few words and politely states his case for staying in the game. The Donald tells him he can sit down because he’s not going anywhere. The focus shifts back to Sam and Jason. Sam talks about Jason’s mistakes, while Jason tries to draw attention to Sam’s falling asleep on the job. Sam denies this happened. Nick is about to crack up, but The Donald reminds him that he’s safe as long as he stays quiet. Since Nick is intelligent and a good brown-noser (Sam, take notes), he’s quiet.
The Donald: Sam, you’re a disaster. Don’t take offense.
Sam: I don’t.
TD: They hate you.
Sam: Hate is a strong word.
TD: Nick, does anyone respect Sam?
Nick: No.
Ooo, this game looks fun. May I play?
Bebo: Sam, could you be a bigger loser?
I could do this all night.
The Donald then said those two big words – you’re fired – to Jason. He declared him a fine man going places, but he didn’t talk with the boss.
Next on “The Apprentice”…
Sam is the project manager. Can he save his own neck?
Snarky, smart, S7 Anti-Bootee Champ
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