Previously on Big Brother…
Amy got drunk as a skunk, staggered around and fell off the hammock.
Jason debuted a scruffy new hairstyle.
Danielle rolled her eyes around a lot.
Marcellus continued his love affair with himself.
Lisa layed low.
Oh yeah, they voted Rotty out.

Day #62 in the Big Brother House.

Jason still sports his weird back-to-the-70s hair-do, the one Julie called “very Greg Brady.” Greg’s at least was clean. Jason looks like he has greased his hair with Crisco. Jason, Jason—what are you thinking? You don’t look innocent or honest anymore. Pretty soon, people will start to think all those treacle-sweet and soaked in sunshine words you speak are phony too.

Danielle is running around the house in rumpled flannel pajamas, probably ordered from a Sears catalog. Not at all attractive. She wears these PJs nonstop for the next two days.

In the DR, Lisa says she feels “extreme guilt and pain” for voting Rotty. Marcellas says that Rotty was like a cult leader, everything was only about himself. Amy sobs and cries. “I should have vetoed Rotty! I should have! I wanted him to love me. I wanted him to marry me and father my children. Oh, Rotty, Rotty-I’m so sorry.” And Dani gave her smug little weekly countdown, “Seven down. Three to go.”

Now we have a flashback. Jason has just won HoH. He and Dani (in her PJs) are laughing about how they had both planned to take a dive in the HoH but Lisa & Amy were out on the first question so that option was out. For some reason they find this hilarious.

Later, Jason checks out the HoH Room and his gift basket while all the others crowd in to ooo and ahhh over how lucky he is. J gets a necklace from his mom, a block of cheese (Huh? Is mom trying to get Amy & her son together?) He also gets his coveted Moulin Rouge soundtrack CD.

At this point, CBS gives us a bunch of disjointed scenes of Life in the House. No real theme here. But Marci says, in the DR, that he feels safe this week. Even though Jason’s main relationship is with Dani, J will not betray him. Amy says she isn’t going to bother unpacking as she expects to be nominated again. Dani tells her “Don’t assume you’re going.” Eventually, I guess, they all go to bed.

Now there is a red sky at dawn scene. Lots of little clouds scuttling fast-forward across a pink/red sky. Hmmmm. Change must be coming fast. Jason walks out of the HoH room and notices that the big plasma screen in the living area has an ominous message. “EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED.” Quickly he calls the others out. Nobody looks happy. Amy speaks for them all when she whines “Oh great, somethin’s gonna happen!” (Jeez, I hope so; it’s getting hard to stay awake here.)

Jason brings out The POV Box. Close-ups of The Box, all white and gold and antiquey-looking, with little curlicues carved into it. Jason has a little speech to give. And look! He’s wearing a baseball cap with his hair is pulled off his face! Finally! His HoH gift box must have contained a firm letter from his mom with strict orders to wash his hair and quit trying to look like some damn Hippy. The women of America thank you, Jason’s mom.

J opens the Box and pulls out a new Power of Veto medallion. The POV is shiny gold on a blue neck ribbon. “This,” Jason intones in his carefully practiced speech, “is the Golden Power of Veto.” He then explains that whoever wins POV this time can use it on themself and take themself out of nomination. As the ramifications of this rule change set in, all the Houseguests smile smugly because—hooray!—even if they are nominated they can still win the POV and control their own destiny. Then further ramifications occur to them. If one of the nominees saves themselves, then their name could be abruptly nominated instead. Oops. Dani says “Scandalous” and does one of her patented facial spaz routines.

More sky imagery now. A blood red sunset, very ominous looking. CBS is going all out on this show. Two stock sky scenes in one episode! Jason calls the Houseguests together and reads from a formal, engraved invitation. They are invited to a Formal Dinner Party in the backyard for this week’s food challenge. They have 15 minutes to change into formal attire.

So we have the usual mad rush as everyone tries to get ready at once. Mercifully, Dani has to remove her pajamas. The camera thoughtfully shows us Dani with a dress half pulled on and her flannel clad butt sticking out. Amy scurries around whining and complaining that 15 minutes is not enough time to get dressed. (Amy has the most amazing and ridiculous run. She takes, like, a bazillion teeny tiny steps in every yard, so it looks like she is moving fast, but the others are walking around her ‘cause she is barely moving at all.)

Soon enough, they are dressed. The three women are all in hot little black dresses. Marci is in a black suit. Jason has black dress trousers, a black shirt and a white jacket. Very snazzy, I guess. With the HoH officiating, the remaining houseguests divide themselves into two teams. Amy and Lisa vs. Dani and Marci.

Scene shift to the back yard. What a set-up! No cost was spared! Big Brother has layed out a blood red rug, with a formal, dark wood dining table, dining chairs and expensive looking gilt dishes on it. There are four heavy arm chairs, two on a side, and a huge carved throne, draped in red and topped with gilded cherubs for Jason to sit on. To one side is a long sideboard with six covered silver platters, all in a row. Each platter is labeled, but the labels are turned so we can’t see them. Everything is backlit in blood red.

Lisa says, “It’s very gothic-looking, and sexy as hell.” As they walk out in single file, Amy says “Ah feel like Ah’m in Anne Rice!” ??? No Amy, Anne Rice is a person. You can’t be in her. That’s a job for her husband, Stan.

Anyway, they sit down, and Jason welcomes them “to a dinner party from Hell.” When he says “from Hell” his voice is distorted so it sounds like that guy who did the Devil’s voice in all the Exorcist movies—remember him? The giddy houseguests all laugh and use their fingers to pretend they have horns on their heads. BB throws in some extra red highlights, and—voila—We are in an Anne Rice novel. Jason is the vampire Lestat and the houseguests are all undead blood-sucking extras. Expect something unnatural and unholy next. Remember the Exorcist? When Linda Blair’s head spun and she spewed all that icky green vomit? That’s what’s in store for us next.

Jason explains the rules of this Formal Food Challenge. Both teams must have one team member eat all the food contained in each platter set before them, in one minute or less. Some of the food is in “languages other than English.” (Wow—food comes in ‘languages’!) Each food platter, if eaten, will earn them two days worth of food. If they fail to finish it, then they get two days of PB & J. Amy and Lisa win a coin toss and get to pick first.

J turns over the label on the first platter. It’s in Chinese! When he uncovers the platter, it looks like raw fish. Lisa says, “Sushi! Great! I can do sushi!” She volunteers to eat it. As J hands her the platter, he continues reading. ‘This platter contains the sexual organs of giant Sea Urchins.’ Suddenly, Lisa doesn’t look as happy.

Dani and Marci get a platter labeled in French—escargots! Marci says he will eat them. “They’re a delicacy, and if I’m the high-end boy I think I am, I should have no trouble.”

Jason says GO! And the hapless diners begin eating.

Lisa puts a sex organ into her mouth, sucks for a minute, and then looks horrified. Quickly, she turns and spits into a convenient bucket. Then she spits again, and again and again… Jeez, Liza—it wasn’t even a big sex organ—you can do better than that. Watching at home, Eric sighs in disappointment.

Marci, the high-end boy, shovels escargot into his mouth. They look kind of sticky and raw to me. Maybe Big Brother didn’t bother to cook them? Whatever. Marci is soon vomiting the snails into his mouth and re-swallowing them, over and over. He can’t finish all within the allotted minute. I guess his fantasy of being a high-end boy is finished.

Too bad. It’s PB & J on Saturday and Sunday.

Next course! Jason unveils a dish called ‘Schwein Fusse’, or ‘Pig’s Feet in Kraut’, and a dish called ‘Poi’. He further tells us that Poi is a Hawaiian delicacy made from ground and mashed taro roots. Dani gets the Pig’s Feet dish. She puts some in her mouth and spits it right back out. “Nasty! I can’t! It’s, like, the skin of a pig or sumthin’!” (That would be a ‘yes’, Dani. Sheesh, haven’t you ever eaten Trotters? They’re not that bad!) And Amy! Amy can’t finish her dish of Poi in time—she eats barely a third. “It’s a sick pudding,” she says.

PB & J for all on Monday and Tuesday.

Jason turns over the nametag on the last course, revealing a foreign script. “It’s Arabic,” says Amy. “We’ll pass.” (No Amy, that is not Arabic script. It looks like Thai to me. But, whatever.) Jason gives the dish to Dani and Marci, and reveals that it is called, in English, ‘Jungle Curry’.

The last dish remaining, by default, is the one Amy and Lisa have to eat. And the worst is last. It’s Haggis, that Scottish delicacy made from a boiled sheep’s stomach stuffed with lamb’s liver. Except in Scotland, and a few Scottish Canadian neighborhoods, this dish is reviled by all who have ever seen or smelled it. If Lisa and Amy can eat it, I say give them steak for a week!

This time, there is twice as much food, and both members of each team must eat from their dish.

Marci thinks the Jungle Curry looks like bugs, with green centipedes on top. Gamely, he takes the first bite. Wait! Stop the presses! This is Gross Food fromThailand! Spoiler alert, Spoiler alert! Maybe this dish is one we will see in the Survivor Gross Food Challenge! Holy cow! Could be!. Okay, back to Big Brother. Dani seems to handle the Jungle Curry okay, but Marci freaks out. He fans his mouth. He gets up and runs around the yard. Then inexplicably he crawls under the dining table where he first vomits copiously, then starts sucking Jason’s, uh, toes. Maybe to get the Jungle taste out of his mouth. Don’t ask me.

Amy and Lisa look at the Haggis, and sniff it. “Ah’ve eaten so many things in mah life,” says Amy. “Ah can eat this.’ (Ewww! Please don’t tell us your oral history, Amy. I’m having enough trouble holding down my own dinner!) After one small bite, both Amy & Lisa spit and give up.

It’s PB & J all ‘round.

Strangely, all this spitting and vomiting has made Jason hungry. He goes over to the side table and calmly eats all six dishes. !!! “They’re not that bad,” he tells the other house guests. I don’t see why you had so much trouble.”

COMMERCIAL BREAK. It’s a Survivor commercial, with scenes of Thailand. Now what are the odds that they would air a Survivor commercial right after showing people eating a gross Thai food dish? It’s a spoiler, I tell you. A spoiler!

Nomination Day rolls around. Marcellas asks Dani, “What’s J gonna do

Dani: “He hasn’t told me yet.” (Translation, ‘I haven’t told him yet.’) Danielle is still in PJs. What the hell happened to all those clothes they won from Wal-Mart or Kmart or wherever? Why do you keep wearing those rumpled, crumpled Sears flannel pajamas? They make your ass look even bigger that it really is. You’re on national television, woman! Couldn’t you at least find some nice PJs like Lisa’s? You know, a tank style top with baggie bottoms?

Jason, Dani and Lisa confer, and decide to vote out Marcellas because Dani hasn’t trusted him since he revealed her plans to the evil Rotty.

Jay calls everyone for the Nomination Ceremony. Danielle is actually dressed in real clothes. She must have known exactly when J was going to call the ceremony. Lisa’s hair is all fluffy and flyaway. Must be out of conditioner. J makes his little speech. Yada, yada, yada, tough decision, yada, yada, love you all, yada, yada.

The keys are turned and removed. Lisa is safe. Dani is safe. This leaves us Marcellas and Amy as nominees. J tells them they are both amazing players, and he feels like a “scumbag”, but he has to nominate someone. It’s just a game, after all. He reminds them of the Golden Veto and tells Dani and Lisa that nobody is safe this time.

Marci is hugely pissed at Jason. His body language shouts all over the place, ‘I have been betrayed!’ Later in the DR, he tells Big Brother “This game sucks. You don’t get points for being kind to people, being loyal to people, watching someone’s back!” (Hello? Marci? This is the game where the best liar/manipulator wins. And you are not it.) Marcellas goes on. “I still trust Danielle because she has never done anything directly to put me in harm’s way.” I spit out a mouthful of diet coke. Dani spends the rest of the show putting the clueless Marci into harm’s way. She good. She good.

Dani tricks Marci into taking her off the hook in case she wins the POV. Marci says, directly, “Do not use POV on me if you win it. Dani says okay. Then he tells Dani she must vote for him to stay. Dani, again, says okay. All during this conversation, Dani is making her bed (yes, she’s in PJs again.). If you make the bed you have to lie in, Dani has made the bed she wants. Ya gotta love the symbolism here. Later, in the DR, she says “I lied. So be it.”

Marci goes to the DR to vent again. “I am the only one here showing moral fortitude, brains, smarts and endurance.” (You are? Thanks for telling us! I think you are delusional.) Marci is really worked up, and uses the F word several times as he complains about the others.

Later he and Amy share a bed. Well, sort of—they each do their own thing. Marci plays (cards) with himself, and Amy stuffs her face with cheese. Why they are doing this on a bed is not explained. Amy looks amazingly greedy, slurping, sucking, scooping up every last crumb of cheese from the dish. I have decided that cheese gives Amy power. When she is shown eating cheese, good things happen for her. Like that TV commercial this past Christmas said—‘Behold the Power of Cheese.’

Amy tells Marci, while gobbling cheese, that she thinks Jason has an alliance with Lisa. Marci buys it, of course How could he not? Amy is such an insightful player of this game.. Marci is still clueless that he is the target of Jason and Dani, and so goes looking for Lisa. Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Dani (in her flannel PJs) tells Jason “Don’t put me up. I will protect you! I am a vicious fighter, and I have birfed two babies. Don’t put me up!” (On a side-note, ‘birfing’ sounds like a very unusual way to have a baby. Is this some new, natural childbirth technique I have never heard of? Birfing?)

Later, in the Diary Room Dani says “I would never put Jason on the block.” Her face flinches a little. Of course she wouldn’t. That’s the kind of thing other people do for her!

Some time later (I loose track of which day is what on this show, sorry) Jason calls everyone to the living room for Power of Veto contest instructions. Each houseguest gets a pretty little bag containing their costume—tight, knit pants and a tight tank top. They have three minutes to change, then all line up at the back door. Whatever the contest is, they will be let into the backyard one-by-one to take part. That way, whatever awaits will be equally a surprise for each of them.

(At this point, my heart rate picks up. Ever since the Golden Veto was announced, and knowing I would summarize this week, I have been hoping and hoping for a contest involving water. Squirt guns, hoses, swimming, anything wet so I could do the play-by-play on a ‘Golden Showers’ POV. Oh, the dreams we bashers have. The sick fantasies that rule our lives. I am ashamed. Embarrassed. Yet, still hopeful…) J

Amy is the first one into the back yard. She screams like a banshee! What a sight! The yard is full of green laser lights, shining and pulsing across a checkerboard of evicted houseguest photos. While Amy freaks out and laughs away, BB explains the contest. Each houseguest must walk the checkerboard course, stepping on the photos of the evicted houseguests, in the order they were evicted, beginning with Lori. There are penalties for falling off a square onto the black board mat, for not getting the evictees order correct, and for being hit by any of the pulsing laser beams.

Wait a minute! Pulsing streams of light, spraying across the houseguests? Close enough! I call it close enough! Behold, the Golden Showers POV Contest!

Amy looks pretty good. She stays low, avoiding the golden shower of light. She’s loose; she’s flexible, and makes good time. When she has to, she stretches high and steps over a pulsing stream. Her time? 1 minute, 4 seconds (or 1:04) to complete the course, with 30 seconds in penalties (:30) because the lasers, I mean golden showers, hit her twice. Thus her score is 1:04 + :30 = 1:34.

Lisa is second out of the house. She looks at the Golden Showers course with distain. She is proud and fearless. Head held high, back ramrod straight, she walks like a goddess straight through the course, washed and bathed in the pulsing streams of hot, golden light. Thank you, Lisa, thank you. America thanks you. Lisa’s score is 0:21 time + 3:45 in penalties = 4:06

Dani is next. She is full of excuses. “I’m not graceful. I have a lot of booty to carry!” She says this looking over one shoulder at her butt. We look with her. Yup. She has a lot of butt to get through the course. Dani is a disaster. She trips. She falls. She even steps on evictees in the wrong order, a 1-minute penalty. And she can’t avoid the lasers—she is showered with a stream of light over and over again. 1:34 to complete the course, 3:00 in penalties gives her a score of 4:34

Jason comes on like Spiderman. He is strong, flexible and fast. He looks like a winner until he suddenly loses his balance and stumbles onto the black mat for a major penalty. He is showered only two times. Jason’s score is 0:28 to complete + 1:30 penalties = 1:58

The last person to see the Golden Showers Obstacle Course is Marcellas. He complains about how unattractive the outfit looks on him. “I feel like I’m all ass, thigh and abdomen” he says. (And ego! Don’t forget you’re hauling that big ego around too!) Marcellas did the course very carefully, stepping high when he needed to, going low when that looked safest. He finished in only 0:52. Add his 0:15 penalty, from one little golden shower, and his final score is 1:07

Marci wins! Dani and Jason are devastated but do the jump and kiss thing everyone has to do in the Big House of Brotherly Love. And so ends the first, and perhaps only, Golden Showers Event that CBS will ever telecast.

More commercials—for Survivor, and The Amazing Race! The commercials’ action filled clips make BB3 seem so small and boring. Oh well. Survivor starts next week! Until then we have…

Julie Chen! Oh my heck, I almost forgot she was going to show up! Hiya, Julie!

“Good evening. My name is Julie Chen, and I am your host for this segment of Big Brother 3.” Julie is wearing a ruffled purplish top with dark pants. Around her neck she is wearing a bright silver disc of some sort. It looks almost like a gong. Now that Julie’s here, the action should pick up quickly.

Or maybe not. What a &*$%@(& idiot! Ms. Julie Where’s My Cue Card Chen begins by summarizing the show we just watched! I mean, the one we’re still watching. What kind of idiocy is that? Hello? Julie? The show started an hour ago. Didn’t anyone tell you? Stupid woman.

…commercials…

Julie is back. “It is day 69 in the Big Brother House, and only five houseguests remain. What will Marcellas do? Will he decide to use the veto for himself? Or is he confident enough that he feels safe. Is he really safe, or is this just wishful thinking?” Damn, she is reading those cue cards good today. She’s even looking at the right camera. Go Julie!

Scene shifts to inside the BB House. Dani is playing Marci for all she’s worth. His large, self-involved, over-confident ego makes him an easy target. In the Diary room Dani says, “I will do anything to make Marcellas not use it <the veto>. My family comes first and I will do anything, anything even take out people I love dearly, just to win the money. I lied through my teeth when I told Marcellas I would not vote for him. He still thinks he can beat Amy.”

Clueless Marcellas has a conversation with Lisa in the kitchen. Lisa says she wants him to stay. They make a final-2 pact together. Lisa stays low key, but this is a good opening for her. In a final 2, she has a great chance against Marcellas! Too bad Dani has other plans.

Julie pops back on camera. The Houseguests are gathered for the live Power of Veto meeting. Ms. Chen has no time for idle cue card reading, but turns right away to her plasma screen. With her whole body in profile now, I contemplate the amazingly skinny Ms. Chen. Have you ever noticed what a big head she has? I swear, when she is standing in profile, her head is bigger around than her hips. I would guess her measurements (head, bust, waist, hips) are 25, 24, 21, 24. This is very frightening to me. And weird.

As I was saying, Julie turns to her plasma screen. Julie: “Let’s get straight to business here. There’s no time for clever host chat. Marcellas! Without telling us if you are going to use the POV, How difficult was this decision you are about to make?”

Marcellus: “It was…uh..the…the most…difficult…”

Julie interrupts: “The most difficult in the whole process of Big Brother? Of everything you’ve been faced with in your whole experience in the house? The most difficult thing in your hands? Is that what you’re telling me?” Wow! Speed cue-card reading!

Marcellas: “Yes.”

Julie then turns to Amy. “Amy, congratulations, it’s your fifth time in the purple chair!” The houseguests all laugh and clap as though this is a good thing. I must not understand this show. I thought being nominated was a bad thing.

Julie turns back to Marci. “Okay, Marcellas, it’s time. Do you want to say anything?”

Marcellas stands and says, “I have nothing to say.” Then he babbles on and on “I love you all” “blah, blah, blah” I can’t remember everything he said. Besides, Julie turned her profile again and I am busy staring at her. When tiny little small-boned people starve themselves for the camera, the results are truly scary.

The cameraman’s attention wanders too. He keeps focusing the camera on Lisa, who is wearing a very low cut, very tight top with no bra on. Okay, she’s popping right out of her top. For such a skinny chick she sure has very respectably large knockers.

Where are we? Oh yeah, “blah, blah ;blah…” Marcellas removes the Veto from his neck and puts it in the box. Freeze frame. For a few seconds, no one moves. Marcellas has just committed suicide, or game-icide, something like that. The houseguests are quietly stunned.

Julie asks him, “Why, Marcellas? Why?” She sounds somewhat disappointed.

Marcellas answers that his mom and sister would say use the veto and save yourself, but I don’t want to put the other houseguests through the moment that I went through this week.” Huh? What does that mean?

Julie leaves the live houseguests sitting high and dry at this point, while she shows some tapes. “Let’s listen to Amy, Lisa and Jason as they reveal their strategies to win the game.

Amy, in DR, “I have to win HoH.”

Lisa, in DR, “It’s a cut-throat competition. I have to win HoH”

Jason, in DR, “I’m in a tight spot. I can’t compete this week, so I am counting on Dani to win HoH”.

Back to Julie, who has a new set of cue cards in hand. "Lisa is the only remaining member of the Alliance of Six. Is this strategic? Or pure luck!"

Julie introduces an interview with two of Lisa’s closest friends, girls she has known since she was twelve years old. One is blonde; one looks very much like Lisa. They both sound just like Lisa!

GF1: “Lisa is a good, caring person.”

GF2: “Lisa has a big heart, and will bend over backwards for her friends.” Eric, watching from his fire station in Milford, CT sits up alertly. What? Lisa will do that?

After this revelation, Julie returns to the houseguests. What have they been doing for the past 8 minutes? Who knows. It’s only a crucial moment in a live show—you don’t expect CBS to just show it, do you?

Julie: “Marcellas, were you going to use the veto to save yourself, and then just changed your mind right here on the live show?”

Marcellas, babbling a little, “Yes.” He looks worried. Maybe he is starting to figure out that he screwed up, big time.

The cameraman shows us Lisa and her popping top while Marci anguishes in the corner. Julie sends the HGs to vote. Dani first, then Lisa. As Dani heads for the Diary room, Amy gaily waves a goodbye to her. What the heck is up with that cheesehead girl, anyway? Drunk again?

Dani, in the DR: “I vote to evict Marcellas” *cries*

Lisa: “I vote to evict Amy”

The camera goes back to Julie, who is actually paying attention, and has the votes in her hands. Why they have to tabulate two votes and put them on cards, I have no idea. Can’t the amazing Ms. Chen remember two votes? It must be some attorney-driven formality. Anyway, Julie says “For the second time this season, we have a tie vote!”

Marcellas is stunned. He must know he is doomed by now! Jason, sitting on the sofa, slumps limply. His nightmare has come true. He has to evict Marcellas, face to face. Finally he stands, and faces Marcellas. “This is a game, Marcellas. I felt threatened by you…you scared me in the game. I’m sorry to say you should have used the veto to save yourself. I vote Marcellas.”

Marcellas staggers from his chair, stunned. Amy is hyperventilating and crying at the same time. M blunders through the house, scooping his belongings out of drawers as he goes, grabbing his suitcase. A few quick hugs and ‘I love you’s’ and he is out the door. Gone in sixty seconds. As he walks across the grass to the studio in the front yard, I can’t tell if he is laughing or crying. Possibly, he is not sure either. Entering the studio, he drops his bags and grabs Julie in a bear hug, almost bowling her over. Julie, who hasn’t been hugged by a man like that in who knows how many years, doesn’t try to get away. She hugs him back. Umm… Julie? You have been watching the show, right ? You realize Marcellas is gay, right? Don’t get your hopes up.

Julie, released at last from the clinch, invites Marcellas to sit on the serpentine sofa. Marcellas brings Boo (his troll) to sit with him. Maybe to protect him from Julie, who knows.

In the House, Dani is crying hard. She almost looks sincere. Amy cries. Lisa looks grim. Jason seems distracted. Maybe he has just realized that he, the Great Virgin Boy, is locked into a house with three good-looking women, all of them much more experienced than he is. Will he be scared? Will he dream of Chiwhora again, or try to spoon one on the live women? What strange fantasies will play in his mind? Who cares?

Before she begins her interview, Julie says “First of all, I need to do this…” Then she whacks Marcellas upside the head with her cue cards. “What were you thinking!?!” They both laugh.

Julie, Julie. Finally--a spontaneous move from you that works! It was just the right thing to do! Why do I wonder if you thought of it yourself, or if someone held up a cue card?

Julie” “Marcellas, what have you learned from your experience?”

Marcellas: “That I’m Fantastic!” Quel relief! Marcellas is firmly back in his self-delusional fantasy world. He’s going to be okay. He watches his recorded goodbyes from the other houseguests. Everybody loves him, and tells him what an amazing person he is. He believes every word.

Julie; “So, Marcellas, who are you rooting for to win?”

Marci thinks, then answers “Lisa.”

“Lisa!” Julie shrills, “Woooo! I need a fan!” Thankfully, we go to commercial while they fan off Ms. Chen.

After the break, Julie is back in form. Amy, Dani and Lisa are in the back yard, standing in their HoH competition apparatus, a circular thing with the numbers 0 through 4 painted on the floor by each of the players. Jason sits to one side, since he is not eligible to play this week.

Julie speaks, “With less than two weeks left in the game, this HoH is crucial. Are you ready? This competition is called ‘And Then There Were Four’. Instead of questioning you about the evicted houseguests, these questions are all about the four of you. I will ask questions for which the answer is either 0, 1, 2, 3, or 4. Stand on the number that is your answer. Ready?”

Amy, Lisa and Dani nod, so Julie begins.

Q1. How many of the four remaining houseguests have been head of Household at least once?

Answer, 3. All got it right. All got one point.

Q2. How many of the four remaining houseguests have held the Power of Veto?

Lisa, 3
Dani, 4
Amy, 3
Correct Answer, 4.

Q3. How many of the four remaining houseguests failed to stuff at least 15 food vouchers into their swimsuit in the Whirlwind Food competition?

Lisa, 3
Dani, 0
Amy, 2
Correct Answer, 3

Q4. How many of the four remaining houseguests had a gnome that survived intact when they fell to the ground?

Lisa, 3
Dani, 1
Amy, 1
Correct Answer, 1. (Huh? I thought it was 2-Roddy and Marci!)

Q5. How many of the four remaining houseguests opened a veto box at the end of the first veto competition, “An Offer You Can’t Refuse”?

All answer 2, the correct answer.

Q6. How many of the four remaining houseguests gained more than 3 pounds during the Brownie House Food Competition?

All answer 1. The correct answer is 2.

Final scores: Lisa, 3 / Dani, 4 / Amy, 3.

Dani is Head of Household next week! She dances around with Jason, then the others, then dances by herself as the cameras leave the Big Brother house.

America’s Question.

Which houseguest would you like to have a live, internet chat with? To help us decide, each houseguest appears on camera and tells what they might talk about with their fans.

Dani: “I might talk about cooking, fitness, health…” Yawn. I don’t think they will pick Dani.

Amy: "If I have fans, I hope they all have perfect teeth.” Okay, I am totally lost here. She is interested in dental hygiene? Oral fixations and/or techniques? WTF?

Lisa: “Well, if I have fans, they’re probably men. I would talk to them about what I really thought of the people in the Big Brother House with me.”

Jason: *blushes* “Oh, wow. I can’t imagine fans. I mean that I would have fans. Wow…” Would you want to talk to this guy? He has nothing to say!

I’m guessing they will pick Lisa.