Dave White hilariously recaps American Idol with a snarky flair. So far this season, though, there are only 3 recaps and one editorial. You have been warned--Dave White writes for adults!:
1) "Sexual Chacolate" (sic): http://www.advocate.com/exclusive_detail_ektid70897.asp
..." The guy named Anoop who sings really well but who’s already bucking for Randy to refer to him as “Noop-Dawg.” What’s the word I’m looking for to describe my personal feelings about that sort of thing? I know it rhymes with “hate.” When it comes to me I’ll let you know."
..."And finally, my favorite part of both shows is the David Cook commercial for ... it’s a mystery. He walks in the rain, signs an autograph, plops himself down on a hotel room bed, purses his lips, then he does it all in reverse. Is it for umbrellas? Backward things? Sharpies? Red neckties? Minibar macadamia nuts at the Ramada? Lipstick? Oh, OK, it’s a commercial for American Idol. During American Idol. BUT I’M ALREADY WATCHING. "
2) "Slouching Toward Paula Abdul": http://www.advocate.com/exclusive_detail_ektid71515.asp
Here's what he had to say about Adam's audition:
..."Adam Wicked. His name is Adam and he’s been in the Los Angeles cast of Wicked. I want to set fire to his hair. It’s that messy, asymmetrical thing that works on Christian Siriano and certain women but almost no one else. It makes me face-punchingly angry. Am I wrong for feeling that way? I don’t think I am. Anyway, he sings. He’s good. The judges call him “theatrical.” Translation: “How many d!(% s have you sucked today?” Paula calls him “diverse,” which means nothing. And then the guy talks about how Paula was his first pop concert and then about “flying” and “blowing kisses in the wind.” I have stopped understanding any words exiting his mouth. "
3) "Singing Is Not Your Skeez": http://www.advocate.com/exclusive_detail_ektid72114.asp
..." I love Randy’s new crazy leopard-spot shoes. They look like props from The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas. "
This one is under the header of "Televison" instead of the usual header of "American Idol" which may explain why it is not the usual snarkfest but more of an editorial on AI:
Editorial: " "Tis the Season to be Gay on Idol?": http://www.advocate.com/exclusive_detail_ektid75059.asp
... "It's official -- Adam Lambert is in the top 11. But lizard pants and Pete Wentz hair notwithstanding, will American Idol producers slam the closet door on the show's "gayest" contestant yet?"
I hope Dave returns to his snarky best in the weeks ahead!