Last time on BB, the Hamsters were shocked when Gerry strung together a couple brain cells and voted out the strongest competition. Erod is on his way to Mexico, Lisa was saved, Chiwhora won HOH in a recycled game from last year. Jason blames himself that Erod is gone. Isn’t that what you wanted to happen? Chiwhora decides that she truly does hate Lisa. Lisa is in the toilet crying her heart out because her true love is gone. Roderic, Josh Booger and Chiwhora are shocked that Lisa is still there and not Erod. Yes people, the other hamsters are playing the game too.
Dani is crowing in the DR, “Four down, six more to go” Are we going to start every Saturday episode with this?
Chiwhora gets the key to HOH from a nervous Geriatric. Inside HOH we see a shot of her basket of goodies. Knowing what we know about Chiwhora, I was kinda expecting to see multi colored condoms, whipped crème, handcuffs, whips and chains. But alas, its just pictures and Swedish fish. I am sure she can find some sexual use for them.
And as what happens approximately thirty seconds after the new HOH is crowned, the hamsters start wondering who will be nominated and vying to get themselves not nominated. Arnie Shapiro employs the clever use of foreshadowing by showing us Josh Booger saying something in the DR about how he won’t be nominated because Chiwhora is HOH. I really don’t pay much attention because I am trying to see if that is one caterpillar attached on his chin or two. I mean, that thing is just nasty and I pray that whatever it is, it’s dead. Meanwhile, Girl Power is meeting in one of the bedrooms discussing getting rid of Josh Booger. Chiwhora is all about the “Girl Power”. She seems to suffer from amnesia because minutes before, she voted to evict Lisa, but hey, it’s all about the “Girl Power”.
Oh My God! Major development happening. Marci and Jason are standing at the sink and they Shook Hands!!!!! Call the alliance patrol! Paranoid Josh Booger tells Roderic all about it, claiming that Jay is “prostituting” himself. In a completely unrelated moment, we see Chiwhora bringing Jay into her den of intiquity and asking why he voted Erod out.
“I was scared. I was the Fifth wheel. I have no deal with Marci.” Chiwhora seems to buy this. Because no man in his right mind would ever lie to her. Of course, it has nothing to do with the fact that Jay, I don’t know, I may be way out on a limb here, just might want to win this thing and voted out his strongest competition.
Moment of truth time. Dani, the chessmaster, goes to Chiwhora and thanks her for changing her mind and keeping Lisa in the house. The Girl Power thing. Is it me or are these girls channeling the Spice Girls? Chiwhora, “Thanks, don’t mention it”
“No really, Girl Power is Strong!”
“No. Really. Don’t mention it.”
Next we see Dani and her about to be new ally, “Hey Lisa, smell those roses yet?”
“My poor Eric…. What?”
“Chiwhora voted to evict you. Me, Marci and Jay voted to keep you in.”
“But I never said a bad thing about Chiwhora ever! She stabbed me in the back! I am now becoming the Princess of Darkness!” Yeah, whatever.
After the commercial we have to see Geriatric working out... skipping over that we see the super Roderic being bored in his superiority. He is trying to convince anyone that will listen that he is smarter than every single person on the planet. While the other hamsters want to talk about movies and such, he wants to discuss some peninsula that is really not a peninsula and how fascinating it is. You know Roderic, a peninsula that is completely surrounded by water is called an island. At least it is in my world. He complains to all that no one is his equal and for some insane reason, they tell him that they love him and find his facts interesting. Interesting = Boring in my world too. Don’t kiss his ass you hamsters.
Now it is time to introduce the Chiwhora Potty Mouth Tracker, or the CPMT (shamelessly stolen by this summary writer from the truly great summary write Dangerkitty.) Anytime Chiwhora mentions or demonstrates sex in any way shape or form, this tracker will rack up a point. Chiwhora laying on the bed “What do I look like in this sex position?” <CPMT1>
“Jay, I am going to dray you a map of a vagina” <CPMT2> (I swear, I am not making this up, she really did say that.)
Chiwhora in the DR, “Double standards are meant to be broken blah blah blah, I am a sexual being and I admit that I am a whore.” <CPMT3>
Thankfully we get an ad.Which is a good thing because if kept going at the rate she was going, the CPMT might break. Look its Jiffy Probe, a REAL host. Lets hope Julie Blah Chen is taking notes.
“Expect the Unexpected” is on the TV screen when the hamsters get up in the morning. This scares the hell out of them. They know that something is happening, but aren’t sure what. Chiwhora decides to eat her breakfast of peanut butter and practice her fellatio <CPMT4> technique at the same time.
But they are left in suspense and compete in the food challenge. It’s a huge Jenga like game. Nothing exciting here because they all get to eat this week. Roderic is secretly happy because they won hot dogs and he will see exactly how Chiwhora will handle “a dog” <CPMT5>
Now we jump back to the Expect the Unexpected. The evicted hamsters are living it up somewhere and one of them will be back. “Scandalous!” remarks one and all. What I find most scandalous is that Josh has appeared to have scraped the dead caterpillar(s) off his face.
Absence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder because we see Lisa in the DR saying that on a personal level, she would love to see Erod back, but on a game level, she doesn’t want him back. Could this be that you are going to make a deal with the dark side?
More foreshadowing, as we see Josh Booger’s picture and his key hanging on the wall. He is in the DR, and how scandalous! The caterpillar(s) are back on his face! Josh is saying how he is here another week, that he Chiwhora and Roderic are on the same page. Of course that’s not true, as Chiwhora is in HOH asking Geriatric if he has a deal with Josh Booger. Geriatric says “hell, no, he calls me a Nazi, I am not going to save his ass.” There is a knock at the door and it is, surprise, surprise, Roderic. He asks whats up and she explains that she wants to put Josh Booger up. This leads us to arguably the best moment of this episode.
“Who are you going to put up with Josh?”
“I was thinking of putting you up Roddy?”
“When did you come up with this?”
We then see Roderic in the DR talking about how the previous decoys are sipping margaritas and eating cheese somewhere in Mexico and he is NOT happy with this.
Back to HOH, “Sex doll, are you mad at me?” <CPMT6>
“I would never put you up because I am just using you. I would make someone else do it because I am the master. You don’t see Lisa ever putting my best buddy up.” We then see Roderic look soulfully in the camera and I realize what a huge nose Roderic has. Just an observation.
Chiwhora now has a large, but familiar task in front of her. Putting an object, in this case a key, into the correct slot <CPMT7> (I know there was nothing sexual about it, but come on, that was an opening I had to take). She is multi-orgasmic at the thought of doing it numerous times <CPMT8> She announces that it is time for the nominations and everyone gathers around the table.
One by one the keys come out, and Josh Booger realizes that he is on the chopping block! With his good buddy, the only one who would vote to keep him in the house, Roderic. Chiwhora goes into a speech about Josh Booger, who again has shaved the caterpillar (s) again! Continuity please!!!!
We end this ep with Josh packing to leave right then, and Marci, Jay, Dani, Geriatric and Lisa thanking the Lord that Chiwhora just handed one of them the half million.
Lady T-mean Uber b!tch
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