LAST EDITED ON 08-24-05 AT 01:29 PM (EST)

This week's TV Guide in Insider: First Look introduces
"Martha's Minions" and says that all the candidates were "dying to be on the show". Each candidate gives a quote and while I don't want to say "suck up", I wonder if the suckier (is there such a word or is it "more sucky"? ) the quote, the further the candidate will go on the show.

Here ares the quotes with my Suck quotient included:

Sarah: "I don't know what I want to do with my life, so this is a great way to figure it out." This is the quote of a true potential apprentice but I don't think Martha will be thrilled.

Shawn: "I want to be the white Oprah, and next to Oprah, Martha is the queen of all media." The suck level goes through the roof!

Jeffery: "Someone once told me to never pass up the opportunity to be in a room with the smartest person. I figured this is that chance." Another quote goes through the roof!

Marcela: "She's the person in my professional life who I want to work for. The chance to be close to her is huge." There are so many quotes going through the roof, they'll need an air traffic controller to monitor it all.

Bethenny: "I like being challenged, and there's none bigger than working for the ultimate perfectionist." What can I say?

Chuck: "I'm a lifelong fan and follower of Martha." I like this one because it isn't so over the top.

Carrie: "I blow glass and really want to help build up the American craft movement." A noble goal but the suck factor's zero, for a pleasant change.

Howie: "It's an amazing opportunity for myself and my business-and I really want to be on TV." At last, a self-admitted DAW but a suck factor of zero!

Jim: "Since I make a five-figure salary, I'm hoping Martha will turn me into a billionaire like her." Another honest quote! (and he's so cute, I want dibs!)

Amanda: "I wanted to understand how she cross-markets her products, and I just felt God was leading me in this direction."
Is this "The Apprentice" or "Miss America"( Trump does love beauty pageants)

Jennifer: "I haven't seen a lot of people who look like me on The Apprentice. So I thought, "Hey, I'm going to represent Asian culture." Hello, Ivana and Tammy.

David: "I was excited to be part of her comeback." Ouch, does Martha want to call it that?

Dawna: "An apprenticeship is learning from the best." Just about right!

Leslie: "I want to be part of a company that's changing the way we live." Another good one.

Ryan: " I'm good enough to get a top-level executive job without having to work my way up." This is usually said by a Rockefeller or Walton but he's another one that's so cute that I want dibs on him, too.

Dawn: "Her business focuses on the how-to. I'm saying, "I don't know how to do any of this!" She needs people like me." Martha'll be the judge of that!

All in all, Trump's got to be pretty jealous. The overall suck-up factor is very, very high. Air traffic controllers, start your radar!