TARGAY Journal, Episode One
By Larry Johnson
By popular request, this is my SHORT weekly column on The Amazing Race 4, reminiscent of my critically-lauded series entitled Gay Survivor Journal. It will be posted here every Saturday, and is a Basherboard exclusive! FASHION CITATIONS
This special ninety-minute episode was chock-full of citations! I’ll pick the absolute dregs, and choose three:
This week’s first citation goes to Monica and Sheree, who looked downright frumpy in their oversized black jerseys and black sweatpants. These are pretty, in shape women, and these ill-fitting outfits did nothing whatsoever for them (other than advertise the fact that they are pampered, rich NFL wives.)
I also offer a citation to Debra, for her rather unfortunate attire choice while staying at the Hotel Nuovo. When interviewed, she wore a salmon colored shirt, a jaunty black cap, tiny black thick-rimmed glasses, and her dyed-red hair in perky pigtails. She looked sort of like a cross between Miss Piggy and Pippi Longstocking.
Earning citation number three is none other than… Debra again! Girlfriend fell flat on her face twice, once in the airport and once on the snowy mountainside, and anyone knows a Diva never gets caught falling (at least not on camera.) And if her falls weren’t embarrassing enough, at the end of the rope-bridge she required assistance from weak little Tian, of all people. Tian hoisting Debra’s ample ass was simply not a pretty site!
ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT OF THE WEEK
Amanda’s numerous ‘bleepable’ quotes earn her this week’s bleeping Attitude Adjustment!
“Get out of my bleeping way!”
“You bleeping suck!”
“Dude, I’m gonna eat the back of your bleeping car!”
“Maybe we need to bleeping stop for directions. We don’t know where we’re bleeping going, and we don’t know where anybody bleeping is!”
“Dude, if you yell at me again, I’m gonna bleeping die!”
“Like your yelling is helping, you bleeping jerk!”
QUOTES OF THE WEEK
This was a good week for quotes, and so I have chosen to give more than one award!
Sheree (to Josh,after being cut off in the Lufthansa line):
“You know what? Don’t say ##### to me. Don’t say ##### to me right now.”
Debra (to Steve, after she fell on her face in the airport):
“I’d like to say I was tripped, but I wasn’t”
Debra (about the sleeping arrangements at the Hotel Nuovo):
“We have a feeling the boys want to sleep together.”
Chris (to Amanda, who was lagging behind in the snow hike):
“Come on, Flo!”
Steve (as he and Dave reached the Pit Stop):
“We have our strengths, and we really don’t know what they are yet.”
Jaree (approaching Debra and Steve at the rope bridge):
”I can’t believe we got behind the slow team.” Note to Jaree: When you are in LAST, You ARE the slow team.
LOOK OF THE WEEK
Look of the Week was earned by Reichen and Chip, in their cute matching L.A. attire. Reichen wore a tight white T and olive cargo pants, while Chip wore a tight black T and khaki cargo pants. Both wore fitted black/royal blue ski vests, half-zipped. They looked like a walking billboard for the Gap. (Known by homo insiders like myself as the Gay Apparel Place.)
DIVA OF THE WEEK
The Diva of the Week award has to go to our favorite virgin, Millie. She was clearly the most put-together of the bunch in her cute monochrome ski bunny outfit, complete with oatmeal ski hat and gloves, tan wool pants, and cream wool sweater jacket. And as she helped Chuck at the end of the rope-bridge, cheering ”Chuck, you’re awesome! Good job!” it became impossible to hate the perky, skinny, little, blonde virgin. Go figure.
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