LAST EDITED ON 08-13-06 AT 07:15 PM (EST)

#2 Rocking the Boat

What are the 11 houseguest looking for, new adventures or a summer fling? Mary, 24, founder of a designer handbag company, wants to find love, maybe KJ, 26, owner and operator of two women's health club franchises, but then Lauren, 23, junior analyst for a hedge fund, moved in. This episode is called Rocking the Boat

The show opens with Zack, 22, recruiter/headhunter, riding the ferry to Fire Island. MTV's "The Real World" producers, Jonathan Murray and Joey Carson, are the executive producers of "One Ocean View." The co-executive producers are Laura Korkoian and Dana DeMars. "One Ocean View" is produced by Bunim-Murray Productions, want us to remember the text message that Zack’s on again off again girlfriend sent to KJ. They set up the opening to look like a music video. La La La Shame on you.
Don’t Rock the Boat! Zack meets up with Lisa, 28, grad school student/dancer, who promptly tells him it’s all KJ’s fault. He was the one kissing her. I seem to remember some dance moves from Lauren that proves otherwise. Zack informs Lisa that Lauren is interested in KJ. Zack is ready to move on. He has a date on Tuesday. Lisa wants Zack & Lauren to learn how to get together for the summer. “You’re still in love with each other.” You should be willing to fight for this woman.

KJ arrives with a wagon-load of food he’s cooking for everyone that evening. Mary greets him. KJ wonders why he involved in a lot of the drama. Lisa & Zack arrive at the house. Zack confronts KJ, “Be honest with me for a second, KJ”. “Are you going to hook up with Lauren, KJ? KJ answers eight times. “It’s not going to happen.” “Are you listening to me?” "It's not going to happen!" Apparently not. Lisa & Mary agree the Zack has potential, but he’s still young. KJ storms off muttering that Lauren doesn’t want a war with him. Miki, 27, co-owner of an organic pizzeria, who thinks Laurens not good for Zack, & her twin sister Radha, 27, co-owner of an organic pizzeria, shows up to the house to experience a big group hug with John & Zack.

Don’t Rock the Boat. The newest guest Heather, 27, a sales accountant manger / recruiter, shows up. After much chatting Miki ask for a toast to the new blond bombshell roommate. The men are very excited. Zack makes a statement that he doesn’t know who to look at. John does.

And now we come to what I consider the best scene of the entire series. The music becomes dark and threatening. Think of the wicked witch in Oz riding her bike. The difference is Lauren is holding an umbrella and pulling her luggage. The wind picks up and inverts the umbrella. Lauren struggles with the unruly prop. Straightening it out with one last tug, she grabs the luggage and kicks it to get it moving. She takes one step and: Wham, the wind inverts the umbrella forecasting the upcoming storm.

Don’t rock the Boat. Lauren arrives at the house. The mood of the house becomes dark. Zack prepares himself for confrontation. Lauren is asked as she blows through, Are you married? NO! Do you have a boyfriend? NO! Do you have a girlfriend? NO! Heather is then filled in on all the past details about the couple. Cheers! Dinner is served

Don’t Rock the Boat. John, 24, broker for a Wall Street firm, wants to know all about the new girl. “Tell us about yourself.” Lisa wants all the dirty stuff. “I grew up on a farm”, Heather tells them. She continues to draw them in when she says that she will tell them her secret so they can know her. “I was in Playboy last month.” The testosterone lever is boiling over. Lauren asks if she was naked. Is this girl for real? Of course she was naked. The men are beyond excited and the women are now jealous.

Lisa, Don’t Rock the Boat! Lisa takes Lauren aside to “tell” her that Zack and KJ believes she’s a liar. Lauren just doesn’t understand. How could they not believe her? KJ comes into the bedroom to take a nap. Lauren tries to persuade KJ, she’s right. He wants nothing to do with her childish games. “Keep my name outta your mouth!”

Don’t Rock the Boat! Anelka, 23, senior account executive for photography company, shows up on the island and goes straight to a bar. She arrives at the house right before Usman, 27, Wall Street lawyer. Zack fills Usman in on the brewing storm. While sleeping arrangements are made for the night a fight erupts between Zack & Lauren. She says this is high school stuff. Zack tells her to stop saying what Lisa says. He tells her to “learn words” after she mispronounces one of his attributes. Their voices raise and everyone starts leaving the room. Now the storm is full blown. Lauren asks Zack to be the boy I love and care about. Zack states that he is moving on. When Usman arrives Zack fills him in on his plans for a future date. Usman is going to double with him.

Everyone goes out to a club. Usman believes he has come up with a gem. He tells KJ that the only girls that come to this island are the ones who are rejected from the Hamptons. Fat and Ugly. This is the reason we love to hate Usman. The party ends up in the hot tub. Usman and Anelka suggest a foursome with John and Heather. Usman convinces Anelka to “sleep” with him in the cabana. We are now exposed to two minutes of small talk, kissing, rolling around, and well this is a PG14 site so you can guess the rest. In the morning, Anelka only will commit to a brunch.

The next morning Radha is shocked by Johns confession of spooning with “Blondie”. She leaps into Johns arms for a hug. The women discuss Usman and Anelka’s night together. Heather calls their walk back to the house the “walk of shame”. Usman receives high-fives from the guys. I’m sure all the women watching exclaimed at the same time, “Men!!!”

All the houseguest discuss the events. The men pump iron and go for a walk. The women discuss how smooth Usman is. John and Heather are oblivious to the happenings because they are flirting and building a pillow fort.

Don’t Rock the Boat! Later that evening KJ comes up with a new game to play that symbolizes letting everything go. He places a wine bottle on the table and spins it. This is a new game? I remember playing this game, way back when I was 12. The game is fun until it lands on Lauren. Zack says she isn’t playing. She says she's trying not to hurt Zack. Yea, like this is the first time we’ve seen that. At bedtime the girls’ discuss how John’s parents met and fell in love on this island.

Sunday morning has the houseguest divided into two groups. Usman, KJ, Anelka, Lauren, & Miki go charter fishing. The rest play beach volley ball. After the game John & Heather take a bubble bath. The house discusses it. The women want to know why John chose Heather. Well Duh! He says because she tried to get him. Yah sure! John catches up with Heather before she leaves the island. He watches her sail off into the sunset. How sweet!

DON’T ROCK THE BOAT!!!!!! Lauren tries to convince Zack to keep her as his girlfriend. The only way she can really move on is for him to tell her no more sex. Zack ponders his answer and tells her he wants to move on. Lauren walks off.

Well, this boat, called One Ocean View, has sunk. Cancelled after two shows. My first experience with a non-elimation show did not go so good. I think I will stick with Survivor from now on.