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"Battle Of The Reality TV Stars Official Summary; Episode 3: RIP Team Wife Beater"
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volsfan 19846 desperate attention whore postings
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09-02-05, 10:06 PM (EST)
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"Battle Of The Reality TV Stars Official Summary; Episode 3: RIP Team Wife Beater"
If you haven’t been watching these DAWs you have been missing out on some great snarking moments. Please read LibraRising’s episode 1 and Estee’s episode 2 summaries to get caught up.

The teasers tell us that DunkNut and Charla were booted with Gervase/Tina replacing them on the red team. The light blue received 2 new DAWs (Jerri Manthey of Survivor and David Daskal of Average Joe). We are also teased that a complete team will be eliminated at the end of the day.

Mike Adamle greets us as he is overlooking Malibu California. Isn’t Mikey over 120 years old? The man has to be getting old but he has been pickled well. I guess he uses the same pickling agent as Casey Kasem and Dique Clark.

Since the teams have been shuffled let’s review:

The red team: Team Whoral
Will Wikle: Big Brother
Coral (Whoral) Smith: The Real World
Gervase Petterson: Survivor
Adam Mesh: Average Joe
Evan Marriott: Joe Millionaire
Rachel Fraser: The Swan
Melissa Howard: The Real World
Tina Panas (I refuse to call her fabulous): The Bachelor

One challenge is going to be a relay race with 6 competing from each team. Evan Millionaire has taken the floor and is demanding that he, Will and Gervase need to be separated as one in the front, middle and the end. I don’t know how long it has been since he shaved but Evan Joe has a squirrel growing on his lower lip. The little patch of madness has hair at least and inch long growing from his skin.

Meanwhile over at the dark blue team: Team Miz
Bradford Cohen: The Apprentice
Dique Hatch: Survivor
Ryan Star: American Idol
Mirna Hindoyan: The Amazing Race
Heidi Bressler: The Apprentice
Burton Roberts: Survivor
Mike “The Miz” Mizanin: The Real World

They are strategizing on who will be playing football. The Miz is asking Dique if he can catch a football. Dique says he thinks he can catch. Um…a gay man “thinks” he can catch? Of course the man can catch if the other guy is good looking. Come on…that is a no brainer.

The light blue team: Team Wife Beater
Brittany Power: Americas Next Top Model
Mike “Boogie” Malin: Big Brother
Jerri Manthey: Survivor
Jonathon Wife Beater and Victoria: The Amazing Race
Wendy Pepper: Project Runway
David Daskal: Average Joe
Chris “Pierced Nips” Russo: The Apprentice

Jonathon has to know how much everyone weighs as they prepare for the soapbox derby. Jerri says that she is good at building and using power tools. Jerri honey…this challenge isn’t about using THOSE types of tools! I am sure she has seen her fair shore of all shapes and sizes of tools but I would never think she could use a tool that doesn’t take batteries

The green team: Team Chip
Matt Gould: The Joe Schmo Show
Susan Hawk: Survivor
Will Kirby: Big Brother
Chip & Kim: The Amazing Race
Nikki McKibbin: American Idol
Theo Vonbustyournuts (I am not even going to try): Real World
Brian Worth: Average Joe

Matt proclaims that he will be QB for the women and receiver for the men during the football challenge. Chip questions Matt’s ability after he (Matt) told everyone that he was good at jousting but lost his match. I think Theo is one of the best looking guys on the show but I get lost on trying to type and/or pronounce his last name. Why not just go by Theo Von? Poor kid.

We go to the video vault and see a Penny Marshall clip catching a winning pass for her team back in 1976 during the football challenge. This is the perfect lead in to the challenge and the introduction of the guest referee. Who is it? Let me give you a hint:

Look at what's happened to me,
I can't believe it myself.
Suddenly I'm up on top of the world,
It should've been somebody else.

Believe it or not,
I'm walking on air.
I never thought I could feel so free-.
Flying away on a wing and a prayer.
Who could it be?
Believe it or not it's just me.

It's like a light of a new day-,
It came from out of the blue.
Breaking me out of the spell I was in,
Making all of my wishes come true-.

Believe it or not,
I'm walking on air.
I never thought I could feel so free-.
Flying away on a wing and a prayer.
Who could it be?
Believe it or not it's just me.

Hey, I had to suffer through the DAWs singing it and putting in my head and you guys can suffer to! But, that is right folks…William “The Greatest American Hero” Katt. William comes out and we are shown a picture of him in his little skintight red suit and I want to know what happened to the curly hair? This takes me back to a scene on Meet Mister Mom a couple of weeks ago where the dad had to iron his daughter’s hair. I hope that is what has happened to Willie. Other than the hair Willie has aged fairly well but not as well as Mike Adamle.

The Football Challenge

The game will consist of both teams getting 4 offensive snaps from the 15-yard line. The offense will have a QB and 2 wide receivers with the defense having one rusher and 2 defensive backs.

Scoring
Receptions inside the 5-yard line are worth 3 points.
A touchdown is worth 7 points.
Offensive interference is worth 3 points for defense.
Defensive interference is worth 3 points for the offense.
Defensive interference in the end zone is worth 7 points for the defense.

The Draw
Team Miz vs. Team Wife Beater
Team Whoral vs. Team Chip

The first match-up starts with Team Miz down 0-3 after Team Wife Beater had their first offensive snap and Burton hooks-up with The Miz for a TD…7-3.

Pierced Nips Russo throws a pass in David’s general direction but The Miz intercepts the pass. However, there is a penalty and 3 points awarded to Team Wife Beater…6-7. I have no idea why David is playing for his team. I think one of the women could have performed better than he is. I wonder what the geek would be good at? Beauty And The Geek?

Burton drops back to pass but is sacked for a loss by Pierced Nips Russo…7-7.

Pierced Nips Russo drops back to pass and just slings the ball down field and The Miz intercepts another pass. Team Miz wins 10-7. Mike Boogie is irate with David as he blames David for running the wrong route. The replay clearly shows David was not open even though he claims he was. David was simply suppose to run a pick route. Being a card carrying homosexual myself…even I know what that is! Poor David was completely lost and had no clue what to do.

Game 2: Team Whoral vs. Team Chip

Team Whoral is confused on who is playing. Adam is upset that Evan and Whoral don’t care if they win or lose. Adam wants everyone to care but just can’t pull the team together. The score wasn’t even shown as they lose fairly decisively. I]Adam needs to understand that Whoral’s job is to do these types of shows. For Whoral it is all about being a DAW and from her actions on the challenge shows on MTV…she cares. Hell, I was all giddy on one of the episodes because she got bitten by a spider and come to find out she is allergic to them. She couldn’t breath and collapsed. Again, being all giddy for a week just waiting to see how things panned out left me a might disappointed as you can see she is still alive and being the ultimate DAW that she is.

Team Whoral won the consolation game 6-3 as the competition was just scanned over very quickly and we were shown highlights.

The Championship Game: Team Miz vs. Team Chip

With only one round left in the championship game Team Chip is ahead 8-7. Team Miz gets 3 points of a pass completion to Dique (I guess he can catch) to put his team up 10-8. Dique goes on to do a happy dance that proves he can’t dance! Let’s hear if for the original happy dance…


Have mercy on me…I miss AC!

Team Chip’s last possession ended with a touchdown so they win 15-10. The TD was thrown over Dique’s head as we see he can’t play defense either.

Current Point Standings
Team Chip : 100
Team Miz : 75
Team Whoral : 50
Team Wife Beater : 25

Trashelle and Austin Scarlet talk hair from the original Battle of The Network stars and mention Farrah, Heather, Nicolette and Michael J. Fox. Can someone please tell me where Mary came from? Girl is ready to fly on out of here!

The Soapbox Derby

The teams are given 30 minutes to build their cars. All teams are working together fairly well except team Wife Beater. Jonathon is telling his team that he can drive anything. Pierced Nips Russo has decided to let Jonathon make the decisions here but if he fails it will be the last decision he makes.

Team Whoral goes first with Gervase driving and Evan giving him the starting push. After a fast start the car slows at the end and crosses the finish line at 35.80 seconds.

Team Miz goes second with Burton driving and The Miz giving him the push. The start was quick again but he didn’t slow down as much as Gervase and comes in at 34.66 seconds.

Team Wife Beater with the arse as the driver and Mike Boogie pushing are next. The push is a little faster than the other two but the wife beater recovers. However, on the second turn he rolls the car and his ass bounces off the pavement. The funniest thing ever! He looks like a basketball pounding off the pavement and rolls into the hay that was outlining the path. He gets up and slowly crosses the finish line at 44.58 seconds. I was really hoping for at least a broken bone but dammit…he jumped up and finished the race.

Lastly, Theo will be the driver for Team Chip. Like the others, Theo starts out quickly but he handles the turns…he begins to slow down at the end but chooses to use his hands to push him down the hill faster. This must have helped as he crosses the finish line in 34.42 seconds and wins for Team Chip!

Team Wife Beater is so frustrated by losing to all teams by 10 seconds they throw their car into a dumpster. Shouldn’t that be where Jonathon is tossed? Doesn’t all trash belong in a dumpster?

Current Point Standings
Team Chip : 200 *Clinched 3rd place or better
Team Miz : 150
Team Whoral : 100
Team Wife Beater : 50

The Relay Race

The Racers

Team Whoral
Evan
Tina
Will
Whoral
Melissa
Gervase

Team Wife Beater
David
Jonathon
Jerri
Brittany
Pierced Nips Russo
Victoria

Team Miz
Bradford
Mirna
The Miz
Heidi
Ryan
Burton

Team Chip
Matt
Nikki
Will
Kim
Susan
Theo

Before the race starts there is nothing but complaining about injuries and current situations. Theo doesn’t like to run, Pierced Nips Russo has a broken foot and Mike Boogie has a pulled groin. You just knew I would have to crack on the pulled groin…wait…did I just use crack, pulled and groin in the same sentence? Anywho, I will just say, “insert your pulled groin joke here _________!”

Leg 1:

Starts with Evan, David, Bradford and Matt but the strange thing is Evan is barefoot. He claims he can run faster that way and I guess he was right. He hands the baton off first, Bradford second, Matt third and David last. Again, can someone please tell me what David can do? He can’t even run fast.

Leg 2:

This leg begins with Tina, Mirna, Nikki and Jonathon in that order. Jonathon beats the women we already knew this but I had to reinforce the idea) and makes the handoff first, Mirna second, Nikki third and Tina last.

Leg 3:

This leg starts with Jerri, Dr. Will, The Miz and Will W. The men completely dominate Jerri (not in a good way either) as the leg ends with The Miz in first, Dr. Will second, Will W. third and Jerri last.

Leg 4:

Now the order is Heidi, Kim, Melissa and Brittany and stays that way throughout the leg. However, we finally figure out something that Kim is good at! She can fun as she let it fly around the track.

Leg 5:

This leg is one of the most boring as the two front-runners stay the same but third and fourth flip/flopped. Pierced Nips Russo had to run fairly fast to catch up but he did.

The final leg has Burton, Gervase, Victoria and Theo. I have no idea why Team Wife Beater chose Victoria for the anchor. Also, Burton is so flat-footed he runs like a penguin…it is really funny. Burton takes first place with Gervase, Theo and Victoria following.

Final Point Standings
Team Miz : 275
Team Chip : 250
Team Whoral : 175
Team Wife Beater : 75

But wait…there is more. Mikey informs the third and fourth place team that there is one more race for a loser goes home race. The third place team gets to pick their fastest player and the fourth place team has to race a member of the same gender.

Team Whoral has the fastest player in Gervase but Team Wife Beater is arguing over who will race him…Pierced Nips Russo or Jonathon. Dr. Will says no one can beat him unless someone breaks both of Gervase’s legs. Pierced Nips Russo plainly tells Jonathon that he (Pierced Nips) will be racing Gervase and that Jonathon can stand aside and watch.

The race is very close for the first 3 seconds as Gervase beats Pierced Nips Russo very easily.

Team Wife Beater goes home and may their 15 minutes RIP!

Next week be sure and check in as Fishercat brings us all the action!


Handcrafted by RollDdice
Sorry for taking so long...this was tough!

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  Table of Contents

  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
 RE: Battle Of The Reality TV Stars ... foonermints 09-03-05 1
 RE: Battle Of The Reality TV Stars ... toddE 09-04-05 2
 RE: Battle Of The Reality TV Stars ... Cygnus X1 09-05-05 3
 RE: Battle Of The Reality TV Stars ... Tahj 09-06-05 4
 RE: Battle Of The Reality TV Stars ... weltek 09-06-05 5
 RE: Battle Of The Reality TV Stars ... Estee 09-08-05 6
 RE: Battle Of The Reality TV Stars ... MTW1961 09-08-05 7
 RE: Battle Of The Reality TV Stars ... BOYmeetsREALITY 09-10-05 8

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foonermints 13029 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

09-03-05, 07:50 PM (EST)
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1. "RE: Battle Of The Reality TV Stars Official Summary; Episode 3: RIP Team Wife Beater"
You are a machine Vols.


Handcrafted by RollDice

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toddE 1433 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Beef Jerky Spokesperson"

09-04-05, 00:00 AM (EST)
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2. "RE: Battle Of The Reality TV Stars Official Summary; Episode 3: RIP Team Wife Beater"

Yeah I enjoyed it too. next time, use more blue! More comments!

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Cygnus X1 7505 desperate attention whore postings
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09-05-05, 07:56 PM (EST)
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3. "RE: Battle Of The Reality TV Stars Official Summary; Episode 3: RIP Team Wife Beater"
David was simply suppose to run a pick route. Being a card carrying homosexual myself…even I know what that is!

Very good, Vols. And any summary in which Jerko and Victimia are kissed off has got to be a good one. You may not have had much else to work with, but? It was worth the wait.


Thank God I can't see this show.

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Tahj 4136 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Jerry Springer Show Guest"

09-06-05, 12:35 PM (EST)
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4. "RE: Battle Of The Reality TV Stars Official Summary; Episode 3: RIP Team Wife Beater"
Great summary Vols! I so glad that if a team had to go, it was Team Wifebeater.


Moves courtesy of Syren

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weltek 16933 desperate attention whore postings
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09-06-05, 03:18 PM (EST)
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5. "RE: Battle Of The Reality TV Stars Official Summary; Episode 3: RIP Team Wife Beater"
Great Job, Vols!

Team Wife Beater is gone! yay! It was worth watching just to see Jonathan wipe out in the soapbox car.

And what was with him ranting about the weight thing in the race-off? Hey F*ucko, just take your marbles & go home. You've got a playmate on your arm. What more do you actually think you deserve?

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Estee 57000 desperate attention whore postings
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09-08-05, 06:28 PM (EST)
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6. "RE: Battle Of The Reality TV Stars Official Summary; Episode 3: RIP Team Wife Beater"
but dammit…he jumped up and finished the race.

Well, there's a first time for everything.

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MTW1961 4029 desperate attention whore postings
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09-08-05, 06:56 PM (EST)
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7. "RE: Battle Of The Reality TV Stars Official Summary; Episode 3: RIP Team Wife Beater"
Great job, Doc! I like the way use use bold blue to highlight your snarky comments - pure genius!

My favorite line (there were many good ones) was:

"Jonathon beats the women (we already knew this but I had to reinforce the idea) and makes the handoff first"



Handcrafted by RollDDice!

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BOYmeetsREALITY 308 desperate attention whore postings
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09-10-05, 06:14 PM (EST)
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8. "RE: Battle Of The Reality TV Stars Official Summary; Episode 3: RIP Team Wife Beater"
Thanx VOLS and ALL for the summaries of this pathetic show!!!

I refuse to watch this one, but just can't bring myself to keep from enjoying it vicariously through your eyes each week!

VIVA Les DAWS!!!!

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