Dear Blowsvivor LLC Incorporated;
We still have not received any payment for the housing, feeding, and care of the castoffs from your television series, "Blowsvivor" since out intial contract was made.
The original contract was signed by a Mr. Shakes T. Clown. Upon many attempts to obtain payment from Mr. Clown, we received your letter of June 22, 2001 stating that Mr. Clown was no loner with the corporation and management had been assumed by Mr. Ayatollah Probe and Survivorblows (owned by a Mr. Webby D. Webmaster) incorporated acting on behalf of Blowsvivor.
The agreement stated that we would receive $10,00 per week for each castoffs stay. For the 9 week period to date with a new castoff progressively added eachweek, the total bill is now at $450,000 (figure it out yourself if you don't believe me).
Not only have we recieved no payment, but the castoffs have proven to be an unruly, whiney, filthy, drunke, sex crazed, smart aleck, bitter group of troublemakes and our monkey butlers are quite tired of serving them. Also, they constantly sexually harrass the butlers grabbing thoer little red-hineys at every given opportunity.
We have exhausted all previous methods to obtain payment from your corporation and until your account is settled, the castoffs will NOT be allowed to leave the island. They are presently being held in a secluded part of the island watched by armed-monkey gaurds.
I'm sure you would like to avoid legal proceedings, so please take this final opportunity to remit payment immediately.
If we do not hear from you by Monday, August 13, 2001, we will turn over the matter to our attorney, who will be filing charges of fraud against Mr. Ayatollah Probe, Survivor Blows Inc, Blowsvivor LLC Inc, Mr. Webby D. Webmaster, and the originator of the first contract, Mr. Shakes T. Clown.
We look forward to your remittance of payment before legal action needs to be taken.