The Men Tell All

Previously on The Bachelorette…
29-year-old Trista Rehn has her choice of 25 men.
She whittles them down to 15
Then 8
Then 4
Then 3
And now she is down to 2.

And what would a recrap be without witnessing more of:
Russ AKA Punka and his stalker tendencies.
Brooke – the rodeo clown – and his vineyard full of sour grapes.
Bob and his comedic relief (not to mention a glimpse at his new physique).

After a quick intro of all the guys, Chris, our host, sends well wishes to Greg T, who is missing. I wonder why? Snort, snort.

The recap action starts with a few of the guys make comments about the experience from their perspective. Chris asks the guys how they felt about the rose ceremonies. Russ chimes in and tells us that it “feels like you’re a piece of meat” when Trista is making her selections during the rose ceremonies. At this point Russ is called into to hot seat and everyone can tell that the DAW “chiseling” is about to begin. Chris points out that while Russ got the 1st kiss, it may have been the kiss of death. (Insert recap of his dates with Trista here.) We are once again treated to Trista’s “great chemistry” comments about Russ. (I wonder why “stalker” never enters her mind.) Video clips from the guys are shown – in summary they say Russ is:
A materialistic, chiseling, cheese ball wacko. (They almost make it sound like he’s in training to take over Michael Jackson’s reign as head freak.)
We are then treated to Trista’s realization that Russ is not “the” guy and that she has finally figured out what the rest of America figured out in 2 minutes.

Bob chimes in and reminds all of America that Trista gave Russ the first kiss and that Jamie got DENIED when he wanted the lip lock. (With this one statement we all know that Bob has adequately gotten his revenge for not receiving a rose. If you didn’t love this guy before, you certainly do now. Rock on, Bob.) The boys make more comments about “Russ the Chiseler”.

Russ gets to talk about the experience. One word sums his statements up – DENIAL. Russ tries to defend himself by telling all of America that he isn’t really like that. He was just a character on the show. At this point Russ is reminded that he was playing himself on the show. Russ admits that he did have feelings for her. Russ does a bit of whining, which prompts me to wonder if he needs cheese and crackers to go with his whine.

Time for an audience question: “What happened to you on the fantasy date with Trista?”
Russ claims that he wasn’t into it anymore. While all of America screams “LIAR” at their TVs, we get a quick glimpse of the “Trista cam” and she looks surprised at what he is saying. The hot seat goes cold and Punka is kicked back to the peanut gallery.

Cut to commercial…

Chris reminds us all that the 2-hour finale is coming up and then ponders the activities of 15 guys living in a house.

Chris asks Jamie who the biggest camera hog was. Without hesitation he says, “In a good way – Bob.” Chris then asks Bob to come down to the hot seat. The women in the audience get loud. Chris wants to know “what happened to the rest of Bob” and Bob gives Chris his props for making a good fat joke. Recap clips of Bob’s antics and Trista’s admiration of him. We also get to see Bob’s serious side. Then Trista calls Bob the F-word. (The fellows out there know the sting.)

Chris talks to Bob about feelings of rejection and the sting of getting called the F-word. Ob saves pride and says that he felt the same about her. Chris comments on Bob catching heat on the message boards and in the media. We find out that Bob was able to give it back as well as he got it. They start talking about Bob’s weight. Bob gets the award for the quote of the week – “Everybody else was all buffed and ripped and everything else. I was bringing a little something different. Or should I say a lot of something different.” I am loving Bob, the guys are loving Bob, and the crowd is loving Bob. I wouldn’t be surprised if Bob is a future Bachelor.

Time for an audience question: “I was wondering on your last rose ceremony when Trista took you aside and said if she had 5 roses that she would have given the fifth one to you were you crushed or did it make you feel pretty good?”

Bob was diplomatic and said that he took it good and saw it as a heartfelt gesture. Bob also stated that he now tries to “please himself.” The guys laugh hysterically and Bob grins from ear to ear.

Cut to commercial…

Chris welcomes us back and asks “who eats dog food from a 40lb bag?’ That is the cue that Jamie is up and he is called to the hot seat. Jamie goes down and we get a recap of his dates. It is revealed to us that he has an anxiety/panic disorder. Trista read it as a weakness and Jamie sees it as a strength. Blah, blah, blah. (Note to Jamie – there are PLENTY of us that will be willing to help you with your issues…) Jamie looks as cute as ever. “The kiss” came up and Chris is nice enough to point out once again that Jamie got denied when she had already kissed Russ, Ryan and Charlie. Chris then asked the most important question of the show, “Are you dating anyone?” Jamie responds that he is still single. Women around the globe sighed in unison and got warm fuzzies… Chris kicks him out of the hot seat.

The topic then turns to rejection and Chris points out that a lot of guys aren’t used to having the power taken out of their hands. The conversation goes to our cowboy Brooke. Chris says that Brooke was the one guy that confronted Trista and said that America respected him for it. (That’s funny. I remember thinking he was a whiny brat.) Insert recap of Trista’s experience with Brooke.) At the end of the clips the boys give Brooke his props and he is grinning ear to ear. Our cowboy is the local hero amongst the men. Thinks Trista is shallow and pathetic and points out that she could get “shots and stuff.” “Love can conquer anything. That’s what my daddy says.” Chris asks Brooke if he felt that he actually knew her well enough to call her shallow. Now we get the Trista cam at the bottom of our screen. He reminds America of the Greg T. incident where Trista couldn’t see herself with him because his apartment was too small. Trista screws her face up in denial. (Note to Trista – OK honey. We were watching. We now what you said.) Brooke says that he still thinks she’s shallow. Comments that the cowboys at home think he did the right thing. (Ok. Maybe I was hallucinating, but didn’t this guy send Trista a final video message saying that he would get rid of his horses for her? Wah, wah, wah. I think I hear the freaking wahbulance coming for this guy.)

Cut to commercial…

Next up we have a recap of what I like to call, “BOYS GONE WILD.” Here we are treated to the Jack chronicles, Jamie’s bare ass, chests galore, public urination and man on dog action between Greg T aka The Beast master and Goldie - the house ##### (he was actually high on coke and thought he was with Trista).

Apparently most of the trouble started with the century club. (DO NOT ATTEMPT THE CENTURY CLUB AT HOME!!!!!) Jamie eats dog food and asks for a lighter to light his farts. I guess his panic/anxiety disorder comes and goes based on alcohol consumption. Jack comments that the gas in the house is so bad is can sober up anyone. (Note to Jack – APPARENTLY NOT). Jack takes time out from the camera to go piss on his bed. (He makes firemen around the world proud.) He then passes out in someone else’s bed. Jamie, Greg T. (he was giving Goldie a break) and some of the other guys decide to move him outside. Basically what we see is just more of what we saw during the regular episode. You almost feel sorry for Jack, but for some reason you can’t. Chris asks Jack about the incident and he replies remembering going to bed and waking up and the wet feeling under his feet when he got out of bed. Jack gets the award for the most humiliating moment on TV. I will give the guys and point out that they showed a full moon – other than Jamie’s – in the clips.

Time for an audience question: “I wanted to know who took the longest to get ready to go out on a date for Trista?” Mike responds that it was one of the “hair guys” – Rob or Charlie. Chris, “Rob took time to do THAT?” (AMEN brother. You said what America was thinking.) Discussion then took place on men’s hair grooming methods. (Note to most men in America. DO NOT do your hair like Rob’s. It is not a style that will work for everyone.)

Cut to commercial…

We return to Chris who brings out Trista. As she enters wearing a modified batgirl looking cape thingy, the camera pans to the guys and most noticeably captures expressions from Brooke and Russ. Hmmm, for some reason they both look as if the mouthimus overflowimus disease that they have might have caused them some discomfort when she appeared.

Chris welcomes Trista and asks if there is something she wants to say. She says that most importantly she wants to let Jamie know that she does see that his being on the show knowing with his anxiety/panic disorder was a strength and that she thinks he has no reason to be insecure. (If you are confused, don’t worry. She confused me to.)

Chris asked what she thought about Brooke’s comments. Trista said that he has every right to say what he wanted. Then Trista develops footinmouth disease. “Sitting backstage I kind of got the notion that you thought I was a liar and not just shallow...”

Trista reminds Russ that she was the one that made the decision to go back to her hotel room on the fantasy date. Russ tries to explain it away and Trista declares that water is under the bridge.

Chris asks Bob what he thinks and he says, “I’m just watching the fireworks. This is amazing. It’s like the 4th of July around this place.”

Chris asks Trista about the double standard. She says that she hates the double standard. Trista points out that Aaron kissed 7 girls, Alex kissed 12 girls and she kissed 4. Oh.my.heck. I don’t remember her kissing ANY girls? I’m, thinking that she meant to say that she kissed 4 boys.

Chris asks if she is in love and Trista coos that she is.

Time for an audience question: “I know on a previous show you reveal that you have never had the big “O”. I was wondering if that had been accomplished.” Trista blushes a little and the guys get a little crazy acting. Jamie pipes in and says that Trista told her it had been accomplished when he kissed her on the beach. Everyone laughs and Trista takes the opportunity to educate us all on her “O” status. “There’s 2 different kinds. And I’ve experienced 1, but no, I have yet to experience the other.” (FYI- The girl asking Trista the question looked a little like one of the early Joe Millionaire bootees.)

Time for a question from the peanut gallery: Bootee Paul from Honolulu. “Now that the guy you’re with has seen the previous episodes and seen you getting romantic with the other guys does he have nay problem with it has it changed at all?” Trista said that it is hard for him and for her. She specifically mentions viewing scenes of her and Russ.

Chris gets Trista out of the hot seat and sends her backstage.

Cut to commercial…

Chris treats us to recaps of Trista’s experiences with Charlie and with Ryan.

Trista says there is a battle going on inside of her between the realist and the dreamer. She says that she is falling for 2 people and she can only bee with one.

Chris reminds us to tune in next week and then we are treated to previews of the next episode.

Well, that’s all folks.