American Idol Season Four: 70s Dance Songs of the Pathetic

So, each season we get the Idols compilation which usually features songs from one of the weeks of competition (last season it was "soul classics"). Now, if they happened to choose this week for their compilation...we'd have, yep you guessed it...70s Dance Songs of the Pathetic. Now, pay attention to the lyrics** of the songs these DAWs chose this week. I challenge you to find one that shouldn't be labeled as anthems of the pathetic. We've got your stalker anthems, your low self-esteem anthems, and even an "I'm stoned so don't ask me to make sense" anthem. Let the madness begin.

Tuesday night: Performance night

We begin tonight’s trainwreck show with Ryan weeping over Nadia’s departure and pimping Bo. Seacrest has a mancrush on Bo. He'd better realize that Bo is spoken for...Bo's Glow's. *waves to Glowie*.

Then we’ve got the obligatory “say hello to our judges” (minus the usual lame cracks from Seacrest),

Seacrest: and our special guest judge (even though we promised we wouldn’t have them this season) this evening is none other than the beautiful and fantastic PhoenixMons. PhoenixMons is known throughout RTVW for her karaoke stylings in AyaK’s Blow Hole bar & Grill…and she brags that she’s got perfect pitch and that she’s a professionally trained vocalist (and dancer) and such, but that sort of thing is pretty worthless here. I mean it’s not like this is a singing contest or anything. Let’s give it up for her DAWness.

PhoenixMons: Thank you Ryan. And thank you for wearing normal clothes for once in your life. I am happy to be here (duh, I'm a DAW). Let’s get this thing crackin’.

Then we’re cutting to Ryan announcing the theme to the unsuspecting remaining wannabes back in the green room (last week of course, because it would be really fun cruel really fun to see these people have to pick a song 10 minutes before the show): “70s dance music”

Whoo hoo! 70s night! Paula and her drugged up self will feel right at home!

Constantine: let’s boogie
Scott: nobody’s going to be able to keep up with me uh, huh...

After some stupid monologue-ish crap, Ryan randomly exclaims “it’s open bar” and miraculously the camera pans to the orchestra cheering. Okay, wtf was up with that? THIS was the producers’ most creative way to pimp the orchestra? How pathetic.

Constantine

Without further ado (further ado would have actually been nice)…
Constantine is up first, singing the Bee Gees ever popular hit: Nights on Broadway. Oh, but first we are treated to arguably the most idiotic and painful filler crap EVAH on Idol. The dancing montages. Would someone PLEASE explain to me how it’s endearing to see seven wannabe singers flail around to disco music…especially when said singers have almost no sense of rhythm/coordination. Now correct me if I’m wrong, but one important part of being a musician is feeling the music. Um…as we’ll see throughout the night, these morons couldn’t feel music if their careers (scratch that…today’s pop music proves that one need not feel the music in order to have a successful career in the music industry) lives depended on it. Constantine’s sad little dance moves made me realize that I’d have probably kicked ass at Disco Night…or at least I’d be the only one who didn’t make a complete fool of myself (at least not for my dancing abilities). Take it away Mr. Maroulis (which is what Ryan calls Constantine while drooling all over his microphone). Constantine is wearing one of the more interesting ensembles of the evening. He’s wearing a white jacket over a black shirt with the tightest black pants known to man. A strategically placed zipper and a low-slung silver belt accompanies these he-who-shall-not-be-able-to-breathe pants.

Here we are
In a room full of strangers
Standing in the dark
Where your eyes couldn't see me

Well, I had to follow you
Though you did not want me to
But that won't stop my lovin' you
I can't stay away

Blamin' it all on the nights on Broadway
Singin' them love songs
Singin' them "straight to the heart" songs

Whee! Now we’re talking. I’d like to know where I can buy the “Songs of the Stalker” compilation CD, featuring such “straight to the heart” (read: I’ll shove this dagger straight through your heart if you don’t love me, B*%ch) *waves to Wednesday night’s bar peeps*) songs as: Happy Together (The Turtles), Every Breath You Take (The Police), One Way or Another (Blondie), and I Will Follow Him (Peggy March).

Blamin' it all on the nights on Broadway
Singin' them sweet sounds
To that crazy, crazy town

Now, in my place
There are so many others
Standin' in the line
How long will they stand between us?

Well, I had to follow you
Though you did not want me to
But that won't stop my lovin' you
I can't stay away

Blamin' it all on the nights on Broadway
Singin' them love songs
Singin' them "straight to the heart" songs
Blamin' it all on the nights on Broadway
Singin' them sweet sounds
To that crazy, crazy town

Oh! Crazy, crazy town.

Randy: a great Las Vegas performance...it was a’ight I’d do a Randy saying-tracker, but I believe that’s been done before. You bastiges!

Paula: everything about you in the past few weeks is “oh my god”. Oh lord. Thanks Paula for that lovely visual of what you and Constantine were doing over the past few weeks. Kill.me.now.

Simon: if I was watching this back and…I’d seen it for the first time, I’d say it was like a waiter in a Spanish night club I wonder if they wear eyeliner there, too. Cause I’m sure all of America is familiar with waiters in Spanish night clubs and their singing abilities or lack thereof. Way to go on the obscure and completely bizarre analogies, Simon.

Phoenix: Constantine, I have to ask. Were you having flashbacks to your Hedwig and the Angry Inch days this week? Seriously, what’s with the eyeliner, dood? As for the actual theatrics performance, it was not on par with your recent theatrics performances. And what’s with the zipper on the pants? Never mind, I don’t want to know the answer to that question.

Paula: Oh Constantine, I was too drunk/high/stupid to even notice that we each grabbed the wrong pants the other night. My pants look great on you by the way.

Phoenix: As I was saying, not your best performance. You’ll just have to wait around and hope that others suck worse than you (and you know they will…oh yes they will).

Carrie Underwood

Ryan utters some typical ridiculous “jokes” and we are off to Carrie’s “dance” (and I really use the term loosely here people) sequence, which was nothing short of side-splitting comedy. She actually has the idiocy audacity to attempt the splits…where she hovers about 2 feet over the floor, bent knees and all. Seriously…I had to do a double take but she actually decided to try to do the splits. It wasn't pretty.
Cluless Carrie moment #423: We learn (for the 12th week in a row) that Carrie knows nothing about life outside of Randomhicktown, Oklahoma and her babbling brings us to her 70s dance music selection.

On the stage, Carrie-bot v 6.0 materializes. Complete with Fembot ‘torpedos’ and a collaborative piece from Wendy and Austin of Project Runway fame infamy, she’s dressed in a peach sequined, knee length gown with the ugliest of bright pink flower appliques. And she’s got big hair again, people. She quickly inputs: ‘70s, dance, baked goods’ into her database’s search function. With a whoosh and a whir, the chosen song begins and Carrie-bot begins emotionlessly belting out her song of choice. Oh let the horror begin.

MacArthur Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down...
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
Oh, no!

I recall the yellow cotton dress
Foaming like a wave
On the ground beneath your knees
The birds, like little babies in your hands
And the old men playing Chinese checkers by the trees

MacArthur Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down...
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
Oh no! Oh! No! No! No! No! No! (no really…no! Stop now!)

Okay. I really probably should have taken Paula's lead and ingested some sort of drug in order to appreciate the 70s dance music stylings of Carrie-bot. Cause at this point, she's got to be t

Randy: yo man…dude…dawg pound…unbelievable…brilliant…beautiful…excellent” Huh? Were you and I listening to the same thing?

Paula: I gotta tell you…wow on that last note…that was the longest I think any idol has ever held a note Not as long as you’ve been trying to hold on to your career/youth/balance after one too many drinks

Simon: You sang it very well…but if I may…it’s like Barbie meets the Stepford Wives It’s official, they’re all stoned.

Phoenix: Well, Carrie, stealing a line from Simon…if I’m being completely honest, I thought that was dreadful. Dreadfully dreadful. You were one of my favorites coming into the finals, and now you’ve disappointed me. You were out of tune the entire time and you obviously have no idea what you are singing about (which will be proven in a matter of mere seconds), let alone the total lack of stage presence. That was like, totally not groovy.

And now, Ryan does either a wonderful thing or a horrible thing (depending upon your point-of-view) and asks Carrie-bot why she chose the song. I mean, cakes in the rain…come on, right? You’ve got to have a really deep understanding of the song and its lyrics to pull this one out of the Red SOx hat *waves to KO*. Frantically, Carrie-bot searches her database for an answer (as a little “DOES NOT COMPUTE” sign blinks across her lifeless eyes). Now, what she said may have been the single most moronic thing ever uttered by a contestant on American Idol (and moronic statements are hardly in short supply).

“I don’t know *nervous giggle*…sumpin' like that, I dunno…a cake and some old dude playing chinese checkers’…it’s great vocally…and ya know Donna Summer…she’s…the girl right there…and it’s just a great song, despite the words…it’s just different…it’s a different song”. This is what you people want as your American Idol? For shame.

Scott Savol

Next up…Scotty "The Body".

“The 70s ain’t my thing…crazy ridiculous clothes.”

Right...as opposed to what he wears on a regular basis. Thank you fashion guru Savol.

Scott dances around (actually one of the better dancers of the bunch…again using the term ‘dancer’ loosely) a bit and we cut to him on the stage.

Scott is actually dressed quite nicely for a change (relatively speaking, of course)…he’s got on a black jacket with a white shirt underneath. The pants leave a lot to be desired (not that I’m desiring what’s under Scott’s pants), but overall it's much better than his previous attempts at rocking ‘ghetto fabulous’.

Hearts go astray
Leaving hurt when they go
I went away
Just when you needed me so

Yeah, seems Scott sure does have that ‘leaving hurt’ thing down. Just ask his ex-girlfriend about that one.

Open up your eyes
Then you'll realize
Here I stand with my
Everlasting Love
Need you by my side
Girl to be my bride
You'll never be denied
Everlasting Love

From the very start
Open up your heart
Be a lasting part of
Everlasting Love
Oh…yeah yeah yeah

Filled with regret
I come back begging you
Forgive, forget
Where's the love that we once knew

Hey, at least he’s asking for forgiveness…right?

Where life's river flows
No one really knows
'Till someone's there to
Show the way to lasting love
Like the sun it shines
Endlessly it shines
You always will be mine
It's eternal love

Whenever loves are gone
Ours will be strong
We'd have our very own
Everlasting Love
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Everlasting Love

Randy: what’s going down…dawg…the last three weeks dude you’ve come out and you’ve picked just the right song it was hot And by 'right song' Randy meant another song that belongs on the Songs of the Stalkers compilation

Paula: I’m giving Scotty his props…you do have a knack for picking the right songs Again with the right song...

Simon: I figured out why you’re still here…and I think…you are ordinary guy who is doing quite well…but I wasn’t that excited Dood, no one wants to know whether or not Scott (or anyone else for that matter) excites you.

Phoenix: Scott. So, I was hoping to hear a different song from you this week, something not quite so creepy given your criminal history and all. But it wasn’t terrible. You’re probably still going home since you’ve escaped the boot for like 30 straight weeks now, but it wasn’t terrible. Or maybe it was terrible. I don’t know, I think I saw Paula slip something into my drink, so I can’t be sure.

Scott gives his blessings to Simon for his comments, which was about as sincere as, well, Scott giving blessings to Simon. Ryan attempts humor yet again and Scott tells the story of how he chose his song this week (his mother squealed at him to pick Everlasting Love though he’d had a different song in mind).

Anthony Federov

Next we move on to Anthony and his "impressive" Latin dance moves (that he took Latin dance classes for years and still dances as goofy as he does is pretty sad). He tries to make corny jokes about how dancing has always been a part of his life, he’s this fantastic dancer – HA! Now, I’ll give him an ounce of credit…he impresses me a little bit (and by impress I mean I don’t have the usual urge to banish him from the stage for all eternity) with his movements during his performance…he exclaims that he wants to shake his boo-tay to send his little montage.

Anthony is sporting a brown button-up (or is that button-down) shirt with blue jeans and a little round medallion-type necklace that compliments his tracheotomy scar quite nicely.

Don’t take away the music
It's the only thing I've got
It's my piece of the rock

I knew you always there
You were my song
How am I supposed to bear it
Now that you've gone
Would you separate the words
From a sweet melody
Baby would you take away
The music from a symphony

Don’t take away the music
It's the only thing I've got
It's my piece of the rock

Don’t take my music
Don’t take my music
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!

If you're you're not here with me
my whole life seem out of the key

Don’t take away the music
It's the only thing I've got
It's my piece of the rock

Don’t take my music.

Randy: Yo yo…so dude…every week people are waiting for Anthony to fall down…whateva whateva dude…you didn’t do it this week Nope, actually he did that in the first four weeks.

Paula: You picked the right song…vocals sounded great…this was probably your best week Or not.

Simon: I don’t think it was your best week…it certainly wasn’t your worst week…it was pleasant, safe, and a little insipid…so it’s sort of a compliment Ah, Simon is breaking out with new ways to tell people they are boring because apparently just saying they are boring is, well, boring.

Phoenix: Anthony, two weeks I ago I thought you didn’t deserve to be here. Today, I still think you don’t deserve to be here, but I don’t think you suck…not as much as I thought two weeks ago anyway. But honestly, I did find the 'ah's quite nice. So it’s sort of a compliment.

Ryan asks Anthony to do a Latin dance move, and Anthony does a little spin and a couple of teenage girls faint because spinning in a circle is SOOO sexy. Ryan says “You always seem so happy…are you just happy to be back each and every week”. Heh, Ryan wishes thinks Anthony sucked, too. Anthony explains that he is just having fun now instead of really thinking about what he’s doing. Well, apparently thinking isn’t one of Anthony’s strong points because he’s much better when he’s not thinking.

Vonzell Solomon

Moving on to Vonzell, AKA Baby V.

PAUSE...Wait...before we get to Vonzell, I am going to make a bold prediction. Vonzell will sing something by a diva. She will sing something popular. She will sing something up-tempo. I predict that she will sing “I’m Every Woman” (yes I predicted this before the show...go ahead...check if you don't belive me). That Vonzell…always bringing something new to the table each week!

sidenote...I'm sorry, but everytime I hear Vonzell's nickname Baby V, I can't help but get an image of a midget getting a vasectomy...which is rather disturbing, don't you think?

Vonzell’s dance montage has her explaining how her dancing is energetic, goofy, and fabulous (1 out of 3 Vonzell, 1 out of 3). She says she likes to dance in front of the mirror (wonder if she winks at herself in the mirror, too).

She comes out wearing a retro white, green, and pink paisley top with tight jeans that accentuate her big...white belt What? You were thinking something else? She’s looking gorgeous as usual. So, I might switch for her, what’s it to ya? Take it away, Baby V.

Whatever you want
Whatever you need
Anything you want done baby
I do it naturally
Cause I'm every woman
It's all in me
It's all in me

I'm every woman
It's all in me
Anything you want done baby
I do it naturally

I'm every woman
It's all in me
I can read your thoughts right now
Every woman, made you say
Whoa whoa whoa
Whoa whoa whoa

I can cast a spell
See, but you can't tell
Mix a special groove
Put fire inside of you
Anytime you feel danger or fear
Then instantly
I will appear

I'm every woman
It's all in me
Anything you want done baby
I do it naturally
Whoa whoa whoa
Whoa whoa whoa

I ain't braggin'
'Cause I'm the one
I got it
I got it
Oh yeah yeah

I'm every woman
I'm every woman
I'm every woman
I'm every woman

It’s all in me
It’s all in me

Randy: Yo yo, what’s up man, so listen…here we go, here we go…you chose the song with the highest degree of difficulty tonight…started off with a couple little sharp notes…but yo man, you worked it out tonight You know, Randy always starts out his comments like he’s about to start freestyling, buying time with ‘yo’ and ‘what’s up’ and ‘here we go’ until he gets his rhymes straight. Somehow I don’t think I’d want to hear Randy flow.

Paula: I love you Vonzell…the best performance so far tonight. Paula sure does love a lot of people, doesn’t she. I wonder if she ‘loves’ Vonzell the same way she ‘loved’ Corey Clark. Hmmmmmmm.

Simon: your personality can carry a song like that…no one else could have gotten away with it and I think you did get away with it tonight

Phoenix: Whoa, big surprise! Another Whitney song for you tonight. Yeah, you’re not exactly fooling anyone - that was definitely the NOT the Chaka Khan version. Anyway, the performance wasn’t bad. There were certainly some parts where you were out of tune. But you’re hot, so who really cares anyway?

Ryan skips over questioning Vonzell (no obvious reasons to embarrass her, I ‘spose) and instead just gives her a ‘high five’ and tells her “good luck”.

Anwar Robinson

And now, we are tortured treated with Anwar’s dance montage, which, let me just tell you, is excruciatingly painful to watch. I really cannot possibly find the right words to recreate the disaster moment, but let’s just say that if you happened to miss the show or this part of the show, you should thank your lucky stars. Trust me on this one, people. Anwar comments that “Everybody was hip and everything was hot”. Well, Anwar, your dancing ain't hip and it ain't hot, so be thankful that you were only alive for a few years during the seventies when it was still cute that you had no rhythm/coordination. Awwww, look at little Anwar trying to dance...he looks like he's having a seizure...that's so cute!

Anwar is wearing yet another chest-exposing shirt under a jacket and some bell-bottomish pants, with his gorgeous dreads pulled back into a ponytail. If nothing else, Anwar does have great hair.

Do you remember the 21st night of September
Love was changing the minds of pretenders
While chasing the clouds away

Our hearts were ringing
In the key that our souls were singing
As we dance in the night
Remember the true love that we share today

It was actually pretty good up until this point - vocally and performance-wise...gotta give props where props are due, ya know.

Ba dee ya - say do you remember
Ba dee ya - dancing in September
Ba dee ya - never was a cloudy day

Okay, the vocals started to go a little wild on the chorus there...still, not too terrible.

The bells were ringing
Our souls were singing
Do you remember
Never a cloudy day

Oh Jeebus, he's starting to dance and it ain't pretty. He actually has choreographed moves. That's never a good sign when you're as uncoordinated as Anwar. When I first saw Anwar standing on stage with his microphone in the stand, I thought he might actually have a chance to pull this one off. Now? Not so much.

Now December found the love that we shared in September
Only blue talk and love
Remember the true love that we share today

Ba dee ya - say do you remember
Ba dee ya - dancing in September
Ba dee ya - never was a cloudy day

Randy: Another good Anwar performance...it was the bomb at the end...it was great man, dude, it was good, it was good.

Paula: You've been hard on him when he's done some up-tempo performances...you were great, you had fun...you were in the moment up on stage

Simon: Anwar, I don't think it was as good as Paula thinks...I have been to these 70s reviews before...I don't think it was a million miles away from that...I don't think it was a winning performance Amen

Phoenix: Well Anwar, I'll be honest since no one else is. That was just plain dreadful.

Ryan comments that the song has special meaning to Anwar, and right on cue, Anwar says that his band does the song and it's his aunt's birthday today...Bo-ring...moving right along.

Bo Bice

Half of RTVW is all a-flutter with the mere mention of his name. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's Bo. Now, Bo's dance montage was rather refreshing. Here's a guy with little to not dancing ability but...he KNOWS he can't dance and is perfectly fine with this. "I'm not much of dancer Bo knows.

Bo is sporting a white peasanty 70s top with a long black leather jacket, blue jeans, and some pointy-as-all-heck boots. His hair looks like he probably washed it (unlike Constantine) and his scruff is scruffy as usual.

Well I'm the friendly stranger in the black sedan
Well let me hop inside your car
I got pictures, got candy, I am a lovable man
I'm gonna take you to the nearest star

What is it tonight with the guys and these stalker songs? I got pictures, I got candy...stranger in the black sedan? Geez, isn't that kinda scary and child molester-ish?

I'm your vehicle baby
I'll take you anywhere you wanna go
I'm your vehicle woman
By now I'm sure you know
Cause I love ya
Need ya
I got to have ya, have ya, child
Great God in heaven, you know I love you

Well now you want to be a movie star
They're gonna take you out to Hollywood
Well you hope that you don't get very far
But you do cause you really should

I'm your vehicle baby
I'll take you anywhere you wanna go
I'm your vehicle woman
By now I'm sure you know
Cause I love ya
Need ya
Got to, got to have you child
Great God in heaven, you know I love you

I'm your vehicle woman
Cause I love ya
Need ya
Got to, got to have you child
Great God in heaven, you know I love you

Randy: Yo, yo, yo...yo man...alright, so here we go, here we go, here we go microphone check, micro-microphone checka... I can hear you recording that song...yes, right on the money, baby

Paula: Alright, you've just proven, the competition is back on...you picked the right song, I get chills we know Paula...you're hot for all of the guys and you're not exactly good at hiding this.

Simon: Tonight, out of the seven performances...this was the only authentically good performance

Phoenix: Good job, Bo. I didn't know what the heck you were talking about through most of the song...something about having someone's baby and being a vehicle woman, whatever that means. But you rocked it out. And I don't even really know what that means since I don't listen to rock, but I figured it was probably a good thing since these geniuses say it all the time.

Ryan is pimping Bo some more...he makes sure to enunciate the numbers so Bo gets, like, a whole lot of votes and stuff, and says "good luck, Bo".

Recrap

And we do the ever-important recrap of the performances, in which the final performer is inadvertantly doing a completely different ending than what was actually performed just 2 minutes ago (this week it's Bo)...I'm sure the fact that I notice this and find this amusing makes me a dork, but it's kinda like those "what's wrong with this picture" puzzles you played when you were a kid. Oh look, that guy's got a giant octpus on his head...HA HA HA HA HA. Right, back to the show...

Now we all know that Ryan has an abundance of musical knowledge...so he figures that he should let it be known that he thinks everyone just did swell. Then they all held hands and sang the Barney song to bring us to commercial (after the judges' attempt at a comedic skit about either Simon or Randy getting the boot *groan*).

Wednesday night: The results show of doom...

Whew! One of these sorry folks is about to get the boot! I hate the filler-filled results show, so I'm going to try to be as brief as possible so as not to encourage FOX.

Okay, so my VCR didn't pick up the first three minutes of the results show for some reason, but it picked up with Seacrest standing in front of some exploding stuff and looking like they're doing some sort of outtakes.

<rant> Now from what I am gathering thanks to my sleuthing skills, it seems Mr. Seacrest got a star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame. Now, I could rattle off a huge list of people far more deserving who are still waiting for their stars or had to wait like, 20 years to get one, but I'll just say this...What *($&%$(* moron allowed Ryan $*(%$)*&% Seacrest to buy a $%(#!$* star? I seriously thought it was all some sad little attempt at humor on the producers' part. But this guy actually has a damn star. Unbe-freaking-lievable. </rant>

Seacrest is back to his usual self wearing a stupid t-shirt with a stupid saying on it covered up by a jacket...and sounding like he has absolutely no clue what he's talking about.

Now Ryan's talking about some washed-up songwriter who's written such fantastic hits as Hopelessly Devoted to You. And wouldn't you know it? He's written some syrupy song for the idol wannabes to sing. Let's just say that if you combined the first season's "For a Moment Like This" and last season's "I Believe", then you'd get this stupid song called "Shine". They all perform the song and most of them sound horrendous. Carrie is strumming along on a guitar, as is Bo, while Anwar plays the keyboards. The rest of the wannabes don't play any instruments, so they can focus on their voices (hehehe, if only that helped). Anthony forgets the words and forgets to sing an entire part, some are featured more than others as in all of these craptastic groups performances. Two-and-a-half minutes of pure cheese.

As if that wasn't enough, we see this week's Ford commercial featuring the Idols. This one is downright freaky...They're singing the 50s song "Rock This Town" and their actual heads are placed on CGI graphic bodies and they all have lovely 50s style coiffs to top it all off. This is just getting ridiculous.

Cut to the idols sitting on the stage in their usual pre-boot set-up...all cracking up at the assinine silly commercial. Then we see the obligatory "last night" recrap, with Vonzell and Bo getting the best comments/edits.

Who gets the boot?

Ryan starts jabbering just to hear himself talk, and then we finally get down to the reason we're here: someone's going home. Ryan separates them one-by-one into two groups, the 'top' group and the 'bottom' group. Let's see, we've got Vonzell, Carrie, and Constantine in one group and Anthony, Scott, and Anwar in the other...I wonder which group is the bottom group? Ryan then asks Bo to join the group that he thinks is the top group, and of course, Bo chooses to stand in between the two groups. Cute. Just in case Bo doesn't have this thing locked up already (and most of us know that, barring some freak accident, he does), FOX threw that little bit in there to show that Bo is a swell guy. Ryan then tells him to 'step to the right' (with Vonzell and crew) and announces that the other group is the bottom three. Like, no way!

So it's down to Anthony, Scott, and Anwar. And instead of drawing this thing out any further like usual, Ryan tells Scott to step forward, then Anthony...and tells the two of them to make their way back to the stage: Anwar is going home. My wishes have been granted and I will no longer have to sit through another Anwar performance...well just as soon as he recreates last night's disaster one last time.

Tune in next week...
Vonzell sings yet another Whitney Houston song,
Carrie chooses a song she doesn't understand,
Constantine makes googly eyes at the camera,
Scott sings another song about his life,
Anthony wears pants that are entirely too tight,
Bo knows rock (and nothing else).

** some of these lyrics have been mangled by the wannabes and are not the original lyrics. So don't go telling me that I've screwed up the lyrics...mmmmmkay?