SHAKESVIVOR EPISODE 2…BA TO THE RESCUE

Last week on Shakes,,opps BAVIVOR our attention deficit posting whores were dropped off on a remote location (sound stage in the back lot of paramount pictures). Our host AYAK (still looking along with O.J for Salmon Rushdie and the “Real Killers”) introduced us to the the two tribes.

First, we’ll start with the ArrogantAussie tribe.....

Sleeeve: token “not as smart as he thinks he is” guy
Dalton: over-opinionated, over-caffeine-inated, token conflict seeker
OutfrontGirl: smart, crafty and quiet, but most likely a ticking time bomb
Skierdude: paint-sniffing, video game playing non-conformist
SurvivorDawg: army geek, ornery and loving it
Survivorist: token “just here to make friends cause I don’t have any already” loser
Dangerkitty: token flirt, will take top off with slightest of urging
Survivorchick: token “as gay as the day is long” same sex marriage lovin freak

now, on to the other tribe, the BorneoBores....

IceCat: token “I’m a computer geek, but I try and look like I’m not” poser
George Tirebiter: has three acid flashbacks by lunch
RudyRules: token “I’m old, but I’m nice” guy
Superman: eye candy, heavy on the brawn, hold the brain
ItzLisa: token “over-emotional, bi-polar, melodramatic” wack job
Mon Cherie: slut
DesertRhino scores a ten for handiness and a zero for social grace, a powder keg
Vampkira: slut part deux, but has a dark side..in other words, never let her tie you up

Last week in a surprise vote Desert Rhino was de-tusked and “booted” from the show. No big loss, except for the mucus on camera three. (the damages will be deducted from DR’s measly check).

DAY 4

AYAK, “ In true Shakesvivor Fashion”
BA, “ CUT!!!, “Paul, umm, ,new sponsors dude!!”
AYAK, “ In true BAVIVOR Fashion, our two teams explored their own interpersonal dynamics, worked somewhat as a team, and new lasting friendships were developed”
BA, “CUT!!, Paul, if you are going to wear that ridiculous toupee, at least don’t attempt a comb-over “ MAKEUP!!!”

Scene 1 take 3…Que AYAK… Action

AYAK, “ In true BAVIVOR Fashion, our two teams explored their own interpersonal dynamics, worked somewhat as a team, and new lasting friendships were developed. The BornoBbores are down one member with the overwhelming boot of Desert Rhino. The ArrogantAussies seem complacent and content.”

BorneoBores Camp

As BA sits in the comfort and safety of his executive trailer, the camera pans down to watch the sleeping and mating habits of these strange creatures. It appears that several of these “members” have huddled together for warmth, affection and Superglue. We see Superman dressed in his “S” Under-Roos, stuck to a Caped upside down creature we suspect is Vampkira. GT is in a upright fetal position with her head tucked between her knees, ( Janice Joplin style). Mon Cherie & Itzlisa dressed in matching purple Satin Victoria Secrets catalog page 127 item # 890003 attire, sleep comfortably in the corner. Icecat, alone, in a white tank top (with pocket protector) and plaid Boxers, is feverishly typing away on an imaginary keyboard. It appears that Icecat is Sleep-typing.

The camera crew slowly and with caution get closer to the habitat. Strange sounds are emanating from this group, but all we can make out is GT’s “turrets syndrome” expletives. These creatures finally notice our BAVIVOR camera crew and attempt to act natural. GT smiles, then kicks Icecat. IC wakes to see camera four panning up and down his frail body to expose his “Morning Wood”. Itzlisa and Mon Cherie will not let this camera time pass them by and immediately jump up to start there Morning Jane Fonda Work-out. IC excuses himself to find the nearest tree to elevate his “problem”. Supe attempting to stand up struggles to get to his feet, because of the permanently attached VK.

Supe, “ ah, VK, wake up!!
Itzlisa, “ Hello Super Sexy, want to join us?
Mon Cherie. “ I was thinking about you all last night”
Supe, “ Hey were is Survivorist?
GT, “ not sure he was here last night
Itzlisa, “ Hope he is ok”

From the distance they spot Survivorist ambling towards the camp with his arms full.

Supe, “S-rist need a hand”
S-rist “ Nope, you just want to take credit for my discovery”
Itzlisa, “S-rist is that coffee and donuts?
VK perks up, and does a triple axle dismount with a 3.4 degree of difficulty off Superman, “S-rist, you are my hero!!
S-rist, ‘aw shucks”
GT, “ Hand it over, punk, you don’t want to know me til I get my first 12 cups in the morning.

The Bornoboro sit down to their coffee clutch, and devours their new acquisitions.

Survivorist to camera 2, “ I think I earned a lot of brownie points today, this should keep me in the game for a few days. Maybe even get me laid. Tonight I will hunt some snipe, I hear there are plenty in these parts.

ArrogantAussie Camp

There was no rest for these wicked whores, Sleeve kept everyone awake with stories of his summer “band camp trips”. Survivordawg apparently wrote a letter of resignation and walked out on the production. Outfrontgirl, continued to “baby sit” Skierdude, while RudyRules and Dalton continued their debate on “Why the Civil war was neither Civil nor a war” . Survivorchick, apparently in a shock coma from this whole endeavor has neither moved nor said a word since yesterday.

Sleeve, “And then one time at Band camp, I …
Dalton, “ Dalton says, if you don’t shut the hell up, I will plant this size 7 upside your head.
Rudyrules, “ Eh, give us a Break Eh,”
Skierdude, “ Can I have Captain Crunch for breakfast?
Outfrontgirl, “maybe SD, Hush up now, your parents will be here to pick you up soon”
Skierdude, ” But mommy said..
Dalton performing a turning round house kick, nailed SD, thankfully the standing coma known as Survivorchick broke Sd’s fall.
OutfrontGirl, “ hey there was no need for that?
Dalton, “ you want some little girl?
Dangerkitty, “ can’t we all just get along”

Sleeve deciding that he was next in Dalton’s wrath went in search of tree mail.

Sleeve, “ Hey guys, Look, we have Mail!!
Dalton, “where is the computer, How did you log on? I need to check my mail”
Rudyrules, “ I think he means Tree Mail
Dalton, “ um, I knew that”
OutfrontGirl, “ what’s it say Sleeve”

Sleeve Reads: Sam I am
I do not like green Eggs and Ham
Reward challenge you will be play
Rhyme some words for treats today!

Outfrontgirl, “ I don’t understand”
Rudyrules, “ EH?
Dangerkitty, “why do we have to Rhyme, I hate that!!

Meanwhile back at the Borneo Camp

VK, “Supe, did you check the tree mail”
Super, “nah, S-rist ran off to get it”
GT, “he is a little go getter isn’t he”
Supe, “we will keep him around as our cabana boy.
VK & GT “ ROFLMAO”
Supe,” ROLFMAO, what does that mean?
VK, “Nevermind, got any more glue?

Survivorist rushes back to the camp with the tree mail. Itzlisa and Mon cherie finished their erotic erobics and gather next to the other for the reading of the mail.

Survivorist reads:
For this reward challenge
Each member must pair up with the opposite sex and..

Icecat grabs the letter from S-rist, “ No it Doesn’t it says:
Sam I am
I do not like green Eggs and Ham
Reward challenge you will be play
Rhyme some words for treats today!

Survivorist, “you idiot, Icecat, we could have practiced and gotten a piece”
Icecat, “ Dope…sorry dude”
GT, “ nice try dinkleberry”

The two tribes stroll down to the Reward challenge site. Ayak is dressed in a Dr. Suess Cat in the Hat outfit and announces to the tribes, “ Hello everyone, I hope you got plenty of rest, today’s reward challenge is for Johnson & Johnson Hygiene Products. (Please use them) As you can hopefully guess from the tree mail and this um outfit, the challenge will be to Rhyme the words that will be presented. Each team has selected the order of their group. Are you ready.

GT and Dalton step up
AyaK “ the first word is “Deloris”
GT & Dalton, Shout “Clitoris”
AkaK,” Excellent, Next!!

The teams are tied til the last two competitors

Sleeve and Survivorist step up
Ayak “the word is Virgin”
Sleeve, “no I’m Not!!
Survivorist shouts, “Surgeon”

AYAK, Congradualtions, the BornoBores Win!!

Each team returns to their respective camps

Sleeve talking to camera 4, “ that was so un-cool, they tricked me, I am not a virgin, I have had plenty of sex, even with other people.”

DAY 5

Nothing eventful happened at either camp except that Skierdude and Survivorchick woke up so to save time and money just watch the events as the unfold in our fast forward speed. (you know like the x-rated movies…no plot to uncover). STOP!!

DAY 6

AYAK, “ Today’s Immunity challenge is sponsored by BA’s website http// www.hokiehaters.com , What is a Hokie you ask, well think of a Hokie as a red neck, click on to the site, play the free download game and buy the book, it’s worth it.”
BA, “ CUT!!..Paul, a little more enthusiasm please..remember who cuts the checks around here.”
AyaK, “ Click today…
AyaK “ In today’s challenge, for the all important immunity, both teams must build a device and make smoke signals that can be seen from a distance of 50 yards”

GT, “ I can build a mean Bong”
Supe, “um, I don’t think that is what they mean, but what the hell”

AYAK , “Both teams ready, GO!!

BornoBores:
Icecat,” If you factor in the aeronautical pressure point of the vector circumferences, and multiply the..
GT, “ Supe, get me that bamboo pole over there”

ArrogantAussies:

RudyRules, “ EH we need to make a fire…Gather wood, Eh”
Dalton, “ Dalton thinks he’s right…Did I just agree with him..damm”
The AA tribe searches for wood..Dangerkitty brings back some bark.

BB Tribe:
GT, “ VK, Use those fangs and bit some hole here, and here!!
VK, “ ok Boss!!
Supe, ‘ I hope this works”
GT, “ They don’t call me Iron Lung , for nothing!!

GT, Pulls out her private Stash and Loads up the 10 foot SUPERPOLE 2001!!!

Supe Lights the opposite end and GT enhales….

After holding it for 2 minutes to make sure the Buzz hits and that only enough smoke is released, GT lets out a Twenty Foot smoke ring that rises in the air.
GT” “Light me again Supe”
GT lets out three more quick puffs.
GT, “ Finished.."
From the distance a twenty foot Happy Face smoke ring appears in the sky.

AyaK:, “I never would have believed it if I hadn’t seen it with my own two eyes, BornoBores WIN!!

GT passes out with the immunity idol in her hands.

Back at the AA Camp, the tension mounts as private clicks form to choose a Bootee!!

Sleeve, “ Dalton, RudyRules, OutfrontGirl, I think we should form an Alliance”
Dalton, “ Dalton does as Dalton sees Fit”
RudyRules, “ EH”
OutfrontGirl, “ I think we should boot Survivorchick, she has been in a coma since she got here”
Dalton, RR, Sleeve, “ Agreed, She is dead weight”

The long trek to Tribal council:

AyaK, “ This is always the toughest part about ShakesVivor..
BA, “ CUT!!!…
AyaK, “ Dude, the cue card are messed up”

Scene 18 take 2

Ayak, “ This is always the toughest part of BAVivor, each of you have been here 6 days. You all have had a chance to get to know each other and work together as a team. Survivorchick, what do you think about this vote tonight?”
Survivorchick Back in a Coma “ Snore!!”
Ayak “ Outfrontgirl, you seem to have taken on a unique role with Skierdude?
OutfrontGirl, “He’s like 13, his parents dropped him off, I guess they thought this was Clown camp.
AyaK , “Skierdude, what have you liked about this place so far?
Skierdude (Blushing), “ well, um Outfrontgirl has nice bumpy bits!
Ayak, “ well that’s a given, it’s time to vote..

The ArrogantAussies stumble up the wheelchair ramp and place their votes.

Ayak, “ Well the votes are in, it has been a long week, many have done extraordinary things while here at Bavivor, I would like to”
BA “ CUT!! Paul, Just read the damm votes already, this is getting old”
AyaK, “ The first vote Suvivorchick
Next Skierdude
Next Dalton
Next Skierdude
Next Survivorchick
Next SkierDude that’s enough votes, Skierdude the tribe has spoken!!

Skierdude, “Can someone call my Mom to pick me Up?.

Stay tuned for the next episode of BAVivor, Renamed SuperVivor!!! It’s a Top Ten …

BA
" Attention: Attention Whore Postings. (For Chrissake)"