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"Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
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Estee 56983 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

06-01-07, 07:35 AM (EST)
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2. "The executive producer speaks."
It's like this. I was getting really tired of waiting for a Survivor to drown. I deliberately cast people who can't swim, can't think, can't move, I'm sure at least two of them couldn't breathe -- and what do I get? Only a handful of injuries and no fatalities. The televisions gods hate me, because they know I'm taking over the whole pantheon as soon as I get up there.

So it's time for another patented Mark Burnett completely original idea. Let's see. We'll take the voting system from my own show and distort it a little. Next up, I'll just grab the Head of Household aspect from the Chenbot -- it's not as if she's ever known what to do with it, the idiot won't even notice it's gone -- and make it even more of a revenge-bringer by turning it into something long-term that protects the power-flushed idiot's closest allies. Might as well throw in this Coup D'Tat thing or however I'll convince the country it's spelled, get TAR's clue styles because I still owe them so much revenge myself, the tortured setup, prize style, and robotic host from the Lairdbot because I walked in on the artificial non-intelligences while they were trying to mate, and -- throw them all on a pirate ship! It's completely original!

Besides, it's not as if any of them have the money to sue me.

Yes -- yes, that's it. A little minimal training in sailing techniques, just enough that they'll believe it's real, and someone will get their fingers snapped off in a rope loop, or fall from the rigging, or just outright drown. And then the ratings will come. Oh yes. They will come.

Something for the winner? All right. They could get up to a million dollars. Not an actual million dollars. Just 'up to'. This time, I'll split the proceeds as we go, and we'll get all sorts of opportunities for bribing, stealing, and spending. Especially stealing. By me. And spending. By them. Four thousand dollars for a bag of Doritos. Opening the bidding floor...

Time to cast this thing. Egos? Check. Idiots? Check. Stereotypes? Check. Rupert wanna-be? Check. Attempt to prove that all strippers are morons? Che -- oops. How did that one get through? He's beating my challenge! He's making my sets look stupid! He even spotted the Disney logo under the skulls, and they have enough money to sue me! This is the worst casting disaster since -- well, we don't talk about that. We just don't. Or you're fired.

Got to get rid of him... good thing we were casting for egos first: his is already rubbing people the wrong way... All right, I can solve this. Just pull a few strings to make his biggest rival the captain, which guarantees he'll be in the first trio to get black-spotted, then watch the social niceties fly past his complete incomprehension of 'personal space'. Check. Check. Chec --

-- he did what with the compasses? And they voted him off anyway?

Brilliant! Now we can show the other idiots stumbling around in the jungle for days without finding anything! I'll get to keep all of the prize budget for myself! It's not like I wasn't going to get it back anyway, but now I don't even have to manipulate for it! I can just send the future corpses sailing around and around the perimeter of the same island for no money, plus every time they want to move in a new direction, I can use that 'thirty minutes later' banner and show off the ship again! Yes, let's get some more shots of the ship -- and still more shots of the ship -- it's my editing: we're showing off the ship. Nothing else is as important.

What do you mean, no one knows who these people are? No one cares who these people are. I certainly don't.

Look. It's like this. I can always get more future bodies from the casting department.

The ship has to go back at the end of the month.



As long as the ratings don't make it a three-hour tour...

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Table of Contents
  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
 Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   tribephyl     06-01-07       
   RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   ARnutz     06-01-07     1  
     RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   cahaya     06-01-07     16  
         RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   ARnutz     06-02-07     56  
             RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   byoffer     06-04-07     71  
                 RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   emydi     06-04-07     76  
                 RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   cahaya     06-04-07     84  
                 RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   qwertypie     06-04-07     86  
   The executive producer speaks.   Estee     06-01-07     2  
     RE: The executive producer speaks.   KObrien_fan     06-01-07     22  
         RE: The executive producer speaks.   Estee     06-01-07     25  
         RE: The executive producer speaks.   emydi     06-01-07     26  
     RE: The executive producer speaks.   cahaya     06-01-07     24  
         RE: The executive producer speaks.   Estee     06-01-07     28  
             RE: The executive producer speaks.   cahaya     06-01-07     38  
                 RE: The executive producer speaks.   emydi     06-01-07     39  
                     RE: The executive producer speaks.   cahaya     06-01-07     42  
                 RE: The executive producer speaks.   Estee     06-01-07     40  
                     RE: The executive producer speaks.   cahaya     06-01-07     43  
                         RE: The executive producer speaks.   Estee     06-01-07     44  
                             RE: The executive producer speaks.   cahaya     06-01-07     45  
                     Oh Admiral...   Sunny_Bunny     06-02-07     58  
                         RE: Oh Admiral...   Estee     06-02-07     59  
                             RE: Oh Admiral...   Sunny_Bunny     06-02-07     60  
                                 RE: Oh Admiral...   Estee     06-03-07     64  
                                     RE: Oh Admiral...   qwertypie     06-03-07     65  
                                         RE: Oh sure...   Sunny_Bunny     06-03-07     67  
                                             RE: Oh sure...   qwertypie     06-03-07     69  
                                     RE: Oh Admiral...   Sunny_Bunny     06-03-07     66  
     RE: The executive producer speaks.   dreamerbeliever     06-01-07     34  
     Houston Admiral, we got a pr...   vince3     06-04-07     75  
   RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   rasslinmomma     06-01-07     3  
     RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   Estee     06-01-07     4  
         RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   sporkman     06-01-07     23  
             RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   Estee     06-01-07     27  
     RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   The Cake     06-01-07     5  
     RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   jbug     06-01-07     6  
         RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   KObrien_fan     06-01-07     18  
             RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   emydi     06-01-07     29  
             RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   jbug     06-01-07     46  
     RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   cahaya     06-01-07     19  
         RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   Estee     06-01-07     21  
   RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   Snidget     06-01-07     7  
   CAPTAIN ON THE BRIDGE!   vince3     06-01-07     8  
     RE: CAPTAIN ON THE BRIDGE!   Estee     06-01-07     13  
     RE: CAPTAIN ON THE BRIDGE!   dreamerbeliever     06-01-07     31  
         RE: CAPTAIN ON THE BRIDGE!   vince3     06-01-07     33  
         RE: CAPTAIN ON THE BRIDGE!   sporkman     06-01-07     36  
     RE: CAPTAIN ON THE BRIDGE!   piratepolly     06-04-07     70  
         RE: CAPTAIN ON THE BRIDGE!   vince3     06-04-07     74  
             RE: CAPTAIN ON THE BRIDGE!   Estee     06-04-07     77  
                 RE: CAPTAIN ON THE BRIDGE!   piratepolly     06-04-07     80  
                 RE: CAPTAIN ON THE BRIDGE!   Sunny_Bunny     06-04-07     81  
                     RE: CAPTAIN ON THE BRIDGE!   Estee     06-04-07     85  
             RE: CAPTAIN ON THE BRIDGE!   piratepolly     06-04-07     78  
   RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   sporkman     06-01-07     9  
   RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   emydi     06-01-07     10  
     RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   sporkman     06-01-07     12  
   RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   agman     06-01-07     11  
   RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   qwertypie     06-01-07     14  
     RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   dreamerbeliever     06-01-07     35  
         RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   qwertypie     06-01-07     41  
             RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   Estee     06-01-07     51  
                 RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   agman     06-01-07     52  
                 Arrrrrrrrrrrr!   Scarlett O Hara     06-02-07     55  
   Somewhere Under the Radar   KObrien_fan     06-01-07     15  
     RE: Somewhere Under the Radar   emydi     06-01-07     17  
         RE: Somewhere Under the Radar   KObrien_fan     06-01-07     20  
     RE: Somewhere Under the Radar   byoffer     06-04-07     72  
         RE: Somewhere Under the Radar   KObrien_fan     06-04-07     73  
   Um....   Spanky68     06-01-07     30  
     RE: Um....   dreamerbeliever     06-01-07     32  
         RE: Um....   emydi     06-01-07     37  
             RE: Um....   dreamerbeliever     06-01-07     48  
                 RE: Um....   Spanky68     06-01-07     49  
                     RE: Um....   tribephyl     06-01-07     50  
                         RE: Um....   Spanky68     06-01-07     53  
                             RE: Um....   sporkman     06-02-07     62  
                                 RE: Um....   Sunny_Bunny     06-03-07     63  
                                     RE: Um....   sporkman     06-03-07     68  
                                         RE: Um....   Sunny_Bunny     06-04-07     79  
                                             RE: Um....   sporkman     06-04-07     82  
                                             RE: Um....   qwertypie     06-04-07     83  
   RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   dreamerbeliever     06-01-07     47  
     RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   foonermints     06-02-07     57  
         RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   dreamerbeliever     06-05-07     89  
     Louie wanna be pirate?   piratepolly     06-07-07     94  
   RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   qwertypie     06-01-07     54  
     RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   jbug     06-02-07     61  
   RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   Glow     06-05-07     87  
     RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   dreamerbeliever     06-05-07     88  
         RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   agman     06-05-07     90  
             RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   dreamerbeliever     06-05-07     91  
                 RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   agman     06-05-07     92  
   RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   Bravehart     06-07-07     93  
     RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   sporkman     06-07-07     95  
         RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   piratepolly     06-07-07     96  
         RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   Bravehart     06-07-07     97  
             RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   sporkman     06-07-07     98  
                 RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   vince3     06-07-07     99  
                     RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   sporkman     06-07-07     100  
                     RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   dreamerbeliever     06-07-07     101  
                         RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   agman     06-07-07     102  
                             RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1   vince3     06-07-07     103  
   HEY!!!   RudyRules     06-07-07     104  
     Rudy!!!   Sunny_Bunny     06-07-07     105  
         RE: Rudy!!!   RudyRules     06-07-07     106  

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