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"Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week Five"
TODDLJ 421 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
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04-14-05, 07:27 PM (EST)
 
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"Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week Five" |
LAST EDITED ON 04-14-05 AT 08:03 PM (EST)1. Nadia Turner
Despite her untimely boot this week, I’m still awarding Nadia with Diva of the Week for the third time in five weeks. In a sexy, strappy red minidress, which gloriously revealed her seemingly endless legs, she was simply stunning. Slinky red drop earrings and strappy red spike heels completed this flawless ensemble. Others may have criticized her vocal limitations, but no one could say she didn’t have all the requisite style and ‘it factor’ to be a star. The Queen is Dead! (Nadia) Long Live the Queen! (Me.) 2. Constantine Maroulis
Everyone knows a true Diva takes risks every single day of his/her life. There is simply no other way to remain in the public eye than to doing something unexpectedly exciting at every possible turn. And love him or hate him, this man has re-defined risk-taking in this contest. It takes some serious cojones to sing ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ in your shower, let alone on the American Idol stage. And to pull it off also takes some talent, poise, and the unabashed self-assuredness that comes with being a true star. That being said… let’s move on to more important topics... like what he was wearing. He was understated and classy in a black tux jacket, burgundy dress shirt and black jeans (with pointy black boots.)
3. Anwar Robinson
Perhaps the most uneven of the contestants, Anwar is drab and lifeless one week, and then stylish and sexy the next. Thankfully, this week he was the former not the latter. I loved his brown velvet jacket, his boots, and his wide bootcut jeans. His hair was pulled back and understated. I also loved the way his brown wide-collared shirt was opened just far enough to be sexy without being stripperesque. Even Ryan Seacrest… who we all know is (warning, sarcasm ahead) straight… noticed Anwar’s pecs, and commented that Anwar had obviously been to the gym. A pick-up line from Ryan is good enough endorsement for me. 4. Vonzell Solomon
Vonzell was cute and perky as heck this week. And while cute and perky won’t win you Diva of the Week, it won’t earn you a Citation either. I really liked her gold sequined top and midlength denim skirt (with matching gold appliqué.) I also loved her gold spike heels… though she seemed to have some troubles navigating the stage in them for her number. A Diva never lets the audience see her sweat… and I think I saw some perspiration on her brow as she teetered to re-mount the stage while singing the last lines of her song. Next time, either learn to walk in the heels, girl… or just stand in place. (Flats are not an option.)
5. Carrie Underwood
Well, you all know I think Carrie is lovely and sweet. And her ensemble this week, a black silk top attached with a twist to a silver beaded necklace, and tight silver-embroidered jeans, was perfect for her ‘faux-rocker’ number. I also liked her sleek blonde hair, and her chunky silver belt. What I didn’t like was her awkward swaying ‘dance moves,’ her blank expression, and her self-admitted habit of forgetting the words. Because of these flaws, her performance came off as amateurish… and therefore un-Diva-like. Sorry, Carrie lovers, I just call it as I see it. 6. Anthony Federov
Another cute and dull performance from our boy Anthony… and another risk-free ensemble to match. His grey open collarless shirt was unremarkable, and his white T-shirt was ordinary. I liked the black blazer… but recognized the tight jeans, belt, and shoes from previous performances on the show. We all know a Diva is never caught dead wearing the same thing twice… and Anthony has a weekly shopping trip planned into his schedule… so he has no excuses. With so much great raw material… cute hair, sweet smile, and a tight little body… he should be easy to dress. So much potential… squandered. 7. Bo Bice
Bo has quite simply been unimpressive lately. This week, he wore black jeans with odd random bleach spots, and a white ‘mountain man’ overshirt on top of an odd printed button-up cotton shirt. Uninteresting, unmemorable, and not nearly sexy enough for this critic. Again… so much potential… squandered. Additionally, a dull wardrobe caused me to focus on a couple of his not-before-mentioned facial flaws. His teeth are in serious need of some whitening, an easy and relatively-inexpensive procedure. And, until seeing his baby picture, I had managed to overlook his rather porcine nose. Call me, Bo, and I can hook you up with a great plastic surgeon… we’ll get rid of that Porky nose faster than you can say “the-the-the-the-that’s all folks!” 8. Scott Savol
I didn’t think it was possible, but perennial fashion victim Scott Savol reached a new low this week. Never have I seen so much good fabric so brutally massacred. Scott strode onto the stage in enough denim to make a sofa and matching loveseat. He wore a hideous orange T-shirt to match the orange embroidery on his massive denim overshirt. Huge clunky white tennis shoes completed the atrocious ensemble. Worst of all… and most unbefitting a Diva… is his misplaced arrogance, inability to take direction, and combative ‘screw you’ attitude. (I ask, yet again, who is voting for this man?)
There are certainly some who will scoff at my use of shallow, surface attributes to judge our Idol Finalists. I say, to those who scoff, they can all kiss my tanned, hairless, Stairmaster-toned A$$. Larry Johnson is a comedy writer, currently working for Disney TV. Look for his weekly commentary from a gay point of view. Please DON’T go to his former website, which shall remain nameless, because it has been usurped by a (gasp!) Straight Porn site. 
AKA Larry Todd Johnson: Resident Diva and Style Guru.
(Sigpic by Syren)
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taffnic 5392 desperate attention whore postings
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04-14-05, 10:07 PM (EST)
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2. "RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week Five" |
This is such great reading. LMAO.
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lovwigglesworth 239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Network TV Show Guest Star"
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04-15-05, 06:09 PM (EST)
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9. "I thought Nadia forgot to put her pants on." |
.....
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TARugh 159 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Blistex Spokesperson"
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04-16-05, 02:15 AM (EST)
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10. "RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week Five" |
The Carrie Equation:
 + DANCING = 
Awkward dance moves is putting it mildly.  I needed dramamine.
Great job!
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TODDLJ 421 desperate attention whore postings
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04-18-05, 02:23 PM (EST)
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13. "RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week Five" |
Agreed, Tahj, STUNNING.
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