(Iyanla runs down the drive-way, yelling. She's waving her arms and coughing because Jill's "ride", the Sanford & Son dumptruck, is burning oil and there is a thick haze of blue-black smoke lingering in the air)

"Good Lord...give me air! I cannot breathe!!! Oh, now ya'll watch it - Don't you even think of lettin' that dump truck hit my Mercedes! That's a special order model straight from Germany and it ain't paid off yet! (Clearing throat) Um....I COULD pay it off if I wanted to, my financial advisor said I should pay it off on time, though...Antonia, that advice has nuthin' to do with you - I'm rich, and you ain't...ahahahahahahah!

(Looking at Jill perched on her Hover-round scooter) Are you seriously hittin' me up for more cash? Why are you always up in my business, Miss Jill? Why does it feel like your hand is always in my purse? That BS about life coach for life, that's a script, ba-by...that ain't real...Hell, none of this is real...this ain't no Startin' Over House...this is just a stage to showcase my talents since Oprah got all wacked on me...anyway, how the hell am I supposed to be carryin' your butt foreva? Ya'll know the way the industry works with scripts and lies. You're an insider now, thanks to me...Besides, didn't my secretary just give you $75 and some Burger King coupons? Alright, alright...here's $20 and a coupon for Dunkin' Donuts...buy a dozen, get a dozen free.

Now I want to know about this internet site your runnin'? Is it true you're sellin' T-Shirts that say "Life Coaches Suck"? I mean, it may not be true...it's just somethin' a little birdie told me. I also heard you're usin' the word "Conflama" like you made it up yourself. I just know that's MY word - I was inspired when I first used it. I don't rememba givin' the word to you. Actually, I had big plans for that word...it was gonna be in the title of my next book.

So, if it's true that you're makin' money, any amount, on merchandise with that word printed on it...you need to do the right thing and give back to the giver out of what you have been given in a spirit of giving and the giver can give freely even more gifts that you can then give back to the giver in another spirit of giving. That's a POW-A-FUL truth, my darling, and it can be summed up in three easy words: Give to me. Think of it as tithin'...only I need 75% instead of 10%. Livin' large is expensive, ba-by. People are expectin' Iyanla to look a certain way, dress a certain way, and drive a certain car. My butt can't be ridin' the bus, and I can't be buying my costumes in Buffalo Exchange...that stuff is dirty and old, if you know what I'm sayin'. We'll talk later, my love - after you are centered, supported, connected, and fed.

(Looking at Antonia) Um, Antonia, write this down, because I'm feelin' inspired...you're butt should be ridin' the bus. I'm rich, and you ain't....ahahahahaha!

So, ladies, let's suit up. I can't wait to see how you all look in your suits. There's nuthin' more delicious than the female form...

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