Iyanla says: Can I get Jill back here for the bathin' suit episode?

<<Before the words are even finished coming out of Iyanla’s mouth, there is a screech of tires on the pavement in the SO driveway. Jill, seated in her hover round, is excitedly waving from the flatbed portion of a pickup truck, reminiscent of the one featured on “Sanford & Son”. Once the team of men manning the vehicle extricate Jill from the rest of the junk in the back of the truck, they proudly roll her up to Iyanla, and then turn their attention to picking up the soiled mattress which has fallen off the truck.>>

Did I hear Iyanla right? I’m gonna be on Starting Over again? Oh, this is delicious! I been prayin’ on this, and the Universe just answered me!! Jeeee----yuuuuuul Tracey in the house! (Suddenly remembers herself, and regains composure) Uhhhh, not that I haven’t been, uhhhhhh, you know, busy with my career since leavin’, you know, cuttin’ business deals, weighin’ options, and meetin’ with network executives, but I guess I can uhhhhhhhh, you know, come back as a favor to Iyanla, and also to uhhhhh, you know, pay it forward. I know I’ve been such an inspiration to so many women. BTW, Iyanla, you got some cash on you to pay the driver? I must have left my Prada purse at home.

I am ready, willing, and able to stand in my majesty on Starting Over: Swimsuit Edition. I am so excited to get into my bathing suit and show all my fans the progress with my weight loss. If I can do it, you can too!! Of course, the scale still reads 387 lbs, but just like it’s takin’ a while for the money to catch up with my new superstar status, it’s gonna take a while before all this weight I’ve been losin’ actually shows up on the scale. And the important thing is that I feel skinny now. Iyanla says seein’ myself as thin is enough to keep heart disease & diabetes at bay! It’s all about uhhhhhh, you know, visualization.

Also…and this is gonna show just how miraculously the Universe works for those of us who know how to uhhhhhh, you know converse with it…I have just completed designing my Jill Tracey line of plus-sized swimsuits. And women are just gonna LOVE these. There are some really cute ones where the bra cups are actually jumbo-sized cupcakes. Others feature bottoms with the word “conflama” written on the butt, Juicy Couture-style. You heard of one and two piece swimsuits? Well, my new line also features 3- and 4-piece swimsuits, something uhhhhh, you know, totally revolutionary. You gotta see ‘em to believe ‘em. We also feature specialized bras for “back boobies”, and the largest selection of plus-sized thongs anywhere! Girls, don’t let anybody lie to you and tell you that you can’t look damn fine in a thong just because you weigh more than 350 lbs!! Stand in yo' truth & get yo’ credit cards out!!

<<whispers to Iyanla>> Uhhhhhhh, I might need, uhhhhhh, you know, some help getting’ out this hover round & into the pool. You got my back, girlfriend?

Love ya, Mean it!!