Bilaal and Sa'eed: Apparently Allah has about as much interest in The Amazing Race as God does. When you were Philiminated early, it must have been because Allah willed it. I was glad to see you go early because I am certain that Bilaal would have hollered at Sa'eed all the way around the world.

David and Mary: Mary, Mary, Mary... You really think that David is cute? Don't ever let him stand next to Godwin then.

Duke and Laura: Well, Duke, maybe you would have known how athletic and outgoing your daughter is if you hadn't distanced yourself from her when she came out. Both of you cried. Is your last name Bunky?

Dustin and Kandice: We have a cheerleader team already. Do we need a beauty queen team too? I cannot tell you apart.

Erwin and Godwin: One of you has great hair. One of you has really ugly hair.

Kellie and Jamie: We have a beauty queen team already. Do we need a cheerleader team too?

Lyn and Karlyn: Yeah, Sarah was really lame when she used her leg as an excuse to board the plane early, but did it really merit the continual bitching about it that ensued.

Peter and Sarah: The constant pep talk descended into the realm of being simply condescending, Peter. Your girlfriend has physical disability. You do not need to coach her along like she is a child.

Rob and Kimberly: Rob is a big PITA. Kimberly should team up with Laura and leave Duke and Rob to fight it out together. Least Favorite Team!

Tom and Terry: Hmmmm, ever since a couple of athletic gay men won The Amazing Race 4, the audience has been treated to Rebecca and Mary Adam, Lynn and Alex, John and Scott, and Tom and Terry. Are the producers afraid that athletic (and goodlooking) queers would upset the natural order of things if they ever cast them again?

Tyler and James: Addiction counseling seems to be your Jeebus. I want to hear as much about that as I want to hear about how God and Allah intervene in The Race. Just be quiet and look pretty.

Vipul and Arti: Yeah, "Vipul of the people" was a pretty dumb saying, but otherwise you seemed like nice people and I was sad to see you go. Thank you for not telling us how much Ganesha wanted you to win.