It’s time for episode 2 of The Bachelor, one of my favorite reality shows. How many girls will cry tonight? Who will have her heart broken? Will the prince admit he’s never even been in a castle? Read on to find out this and more. Okay, first off, no, the prince doesn’t admit he’s never been in a castle. So cross THAT question off our list! Still, I think it’s pretty obvious.
The Girls Settle In
As the girls get comfortable in the house, we learn there will be two group dates and an individual date. Lisa gets the first individual date because she received the single rose and earrings last week. Erica, still sporting her tiara, lest we forget she is of the privileged class, of course has a problem with Lisa getting the individual date.
The first date box arrives at the house, and the five girls included on that date are very excited to see their names, squealing like schoolgirls. This has always puzzled me. Did they think they wouldn’t get assigned to one date or the other? They will apparently be seeing the sights of the city. Agnese, the Italian girl with broken English says it’s hard living with American girls because they are crazy. I live with three American girls and must agree with her!
As the girls check out the house, Erica has a little problem and calls out for Chris Harrison to address it. Hmm, does he live in a little anteroom on the property somewhere so he can be summoned by the ladies at a moment’s notice? Like Alice on the Brady Bunch? Anyway, Erica is astonished there are no maids. Plus, the rooms are smaller than she’s used to and she must share with three other girls. She is appalled that she’ll have to hire one of the other three girls to clean their room. There’s certainly no mention of cleaning up after herself. Isn’t it nice how there’s always an obvious bad guy on The Bachelor? Will she transform into a real person during this process, only to get dumped in the final two and have her heart broken? Next, the refined Erica butchers Agnese’s name, calling her Ag-NESS-ee. You’d think a woman as refined and cultured as she wouldn’t have any trouble with pronouncing Agnese’s name. It is very disrespectful.
Lorenzo is enjoying spending time with Agnese and says that although there is a communication problem, she’s really sweet and trying hard to communicate with him. He likes her (and so do I). Lorenzo shows up for the first date, which will start with a motor scooter rides through the city. Conveniently, Erica says her license has expired and she must ride with Lorenzo. I think it would have been funny if he’d made her ride with one of the other girls! She proceeds to tell him her sexual history and dating timeline and he could not look more bored. She seems so vacant and shallow I almost feel sorry for her. Please note, I said almost. I’m sure when this airs she will be horrified, but I think her servants will be ecstatic. I imagine them getting very excited to watch the show every week, laughing their @<#&% off every time she makes a fool of herself. They will probably develop a drinking game in her dishonor. They’re probably with me in hoping she makes the final two so they can see her get her heart broken on TV. Personally, I doubt she’ll make it past this week.
Next up, they go shopping for dresses. They get to pick (and keep) one dress, which they will wear to the upcoming cocktail party. Jami says this is the best date of her life, despite sharing it with five other girls. Sadie tells us privately that she thinks Erica is the front runner tonight since she spent so much time with Lorenzo. Clearly she doesn’t know much about Erica yet, or the concept of giving someone enough rope to hang themselves with. Jami and Lorenzo talk about her tattoos. She’s proud of them, I can’t tell whether he agrees or is humoring her.
Back to the house, where Lisa’s date box arrives. You can tell the other girls are very jealous of her. Is it merited or are they petty? Time will tell.
Back to the date, and Jami tells us that Erica is the most spoiled brat she’s ever met. Lorenzo goes off with Erica to talk privately. He asks if there are any girls she doesn’t like, and Erica replies that certain girls aren’t good matches. She points out Jami, and says that she isn’t a good match for him because she didn’t go to college. Erica says college is important to her because she wants to have nice conversations with people. Bwahahaha! This is one of the most ignorant things I’ve ever heard, and frankly, as vacant as Erica sounds, I’m surprised to learn she’s gone to college! Lorenzo is taken aback. He can’t believe what she’s saying and argues that you can’t judge people who haven’t had what you had. She says “but I DO judge” and then follows up by saying that’s just her opinion. He laughs at her and suggest they go back inside. Wow! Erica has managed to piss off about 75% of America with this statement! I can’t wait for the Girls Tell All segment now!
Erica is upset, and we get to hear her talking with the other girls. There are so many good quotes I don’t know where to start. She says “he doesn’t care about the things I care about. He asked me to judge. He makes me feel like a bad person because he grew up having a more privileged life than I did and he doesn’t judge people but I do.” Jami can’t help but giggle while she pours her heart out. This is a good reason to like Jami.
Lorenzo sits alone with Sadie and asks why she’s there and why she’s single. She likes that it's moving quickly. She asks what he’s doing there and comes across as genuine and I like that. She is one of my favorites. He says it was the best conversation he’s had there and he enjoyed every second of it. He gives her the rose moments later. Erica tells us that he must not want a true princess because she has been bred to be one. He could care less. The things she thought would be her advantage aren’t. She is so full of fun quotes, there’s really nothing I can add to improve upon them!
Back at the house, Lisa tells us about her mapped-out love life. She wants to be engaged in a year, married in two, have kids in five. She hopes he gives her the rose right away so they can just hang out. “What if he doesn’t give you the rose”, one girls asks. “Not gonna happen”, she replies. Kim says she thinks its premature, but I don’t think she has anything to worry about.
Lisa and Lorenzo get in the limo and head off to a picnic in Villa Borghesi Park. He says its over 7,000 sq meters! I’m guessing he has no idea what that 7,000 square meters means. The park means a lot to his family history, we learn. They sit on the steps and start talking. She tells us she’s watched The Bachelor and really thinks this process works. This makes sense given that every Bachelor show has ended in an enduring marriage! . She says with her timeline it’s important to find someone right away - so far so good. They talk about past relationships and he says he’s had a couple long relationships and thinks people are getting married because everyone else is, and mocks this idea saying “oh, I want to be married by the time I’m 30; I want three kids by the time I’m 29”. Then he says “it’s not just about love (to the girls he dates), its about timing.” She tells us privately she may have to wait a couple dates to tell about her five year plan. Good idea, but remember, he’s GOING to see the show! A stronger woman would have said something right then to disagree with him.
Back to the house, and they are eating chocolate dipped apples. Desiree says chocolate is better than sex sometimes. Jami says “never!” Desiree then asks when everyone lost their virginity. One girl, who must be part of the production crew because I don’t even recognize her, passes on the question. Sadie tells the girls she’s saving herself for marriage and hope the girls don’t tell Lorenzo. Sadie, you COULD have kept it to yourself like the last girl did! I love Sadie’s laugh. Sarah asks to make sure that Sadie has sexual feelings (she does), and poor Agnese just looks confused. Desiree is looking at Sadie like she’s part of a circus sideshow.
The next date basket comes out and it is apparently a day on the beach. I wonder if he chose the girls with the hottest bodies to get the beach date.
Lorenzo tells us he thinks Lisa likes him for who he is not what his done or his title or name, and he had the perfect date. She tells us she thinks the other girls are going to see her as their stiffest competition. She says “I am, how could I not be?” Well, I guess right now, it’s the truth.
The Beach Date
The date starts in a helicopter. Lorenzo is duly appreciative of his situation, dating 12 women. Erica thinks the girls are lucky and wishes she was going on this date. I think she should offer to pay one of the others to stay behind. The girls are giddy to see him climb out of the copter. They get a beautiful tour of the city skyline and wind up at a Mediterranean villa with an open bar. Desiree thinks shirtless Lorenzo is gorgeous. They played football, blondes against brunettes. Lorenzo is giddy – six girls in bikinis playing tackle football. Sarah loses her bottom and we’re treated to a pixilated version of her butt. It takes up way too much of the screen sadly.
Jennifer sparks a conversation with Lorenzo asking what sports he played in high school. He tells us she surprised him and was one of the only ones to start talking to him. They are having a good time. He talks about the rose and it looks like she must be getting it. He asks Desiree if she has a serious side, and she says yes, but goes on to say she’s ready to fall in love because she loves being in love and would show up at his work and have fun in his office. She talks about her kinky side and how comfortable she is in her skin and looks not at all serious! He makes it known he does not object. He might keep her around to get a better look or feel for her. The other girls talk about being more jealous of Desiree than Lisa. I think this is misguided.
Alright, now we get the Kim is trashed segment. She’s drunk, making a fool of herself, and she’ll pass out eventually. The funny thing is how she tries to pass it off as taking a nap. Lorenzo tries to wake her up and she’s down for the count. When she finally wakes, she can’t even speak coherently; only gibberish comes out of her mouth and she comments she thought Lorenzo was the waiter. In front of him! Then she berates the women for laughing at her. Kim please do not be surprised when you don’t get a rose!
Lorenzo gives Jennifer the date rose despite the lap dance Desiree gave him. Desiree is bummed that he didn’t feel the chemistry. Desiree, an erection doesn’t equal chemistry, though you may not know that.
He spends alone time with Agnese and says he likes her but the language barrier is an issue. I like her a lot. He likes that she tries so hard to communicate with him. Then, she communicates with the universal langue of her lips. She is the first one to really kiss him, but sadly, it looks really awkward and he looks uncomfortable.
Lorenzo sits and talks with Kim to get to know her a little better, which is a complete waste of time if you ask me. Maybe sparks will fly here? She tells us she’s not embarrassed about the date just “because she shut her eyes a little bit”. Sorry, there are no sparks. He says “no damage done.” Translation – you weren’t getting a rose anyway.
Lisa , Jami and Desiree are sitting talking when the prince comes over. Lisa asks him to come outside with her, and makes an offhand remark to Ellen on her way out “quit talking crap about me.” Now, I would guess she’s joking, but this doesn’t seem to be a good move. They’re already feeling angry and jealous towards her. I have a feeling they’re going to make her life miserable.
Desiree and Jami decide to explore and find Lorenzo’s bedroom. They proceed to roll around in his bed and are busted by Lorenzo. He thinks it’s a dream come true, having these two ladies rolling around in his bed.
In the other room, Ellen calls out Lisa on her comment and Lisa is a little taken aback. She is in tears. She deserves it, getting a little cocky. More girls come into the bedroom and Lorenzo is a little disappointed. They dance in his room. Some of them are getting pretty nasty with their erotic dancing. Kim takes the opportunity to nap in his bed. Fun stuff.
Erica tells us she wants a rose because Lorenzo is royalty not a commoner and needs her. Whatever. I hope she gets one actually, the longer she goes, the more it will hurt later. What a slap in the face for anyone to lose out to Erica though!
The Rose Ceremony
Lisa, Sadie, and Jennifer already have roses, so six more are available. First to get a rose is Jeanette. Who the hell is she? Next is Desiree who he says is a total nut. Then Jami. It looks like he wants to keep the freaky ones around. Gina is next to get a rose. She reminds me of Gina Gerschon. She’s pretty, but again we didn’t see much of her. Agnese gets the next one. Yay! I like her! She seems so genuine and sweet. Plus, she’s got a crooked smile and I’m a sucker for crooked smiles! It’s down to Ellen, Kim, Sarah, and Erica. The final rose goes to... Erica! She tells him he made a really good decision. He’s glad she approves. Whew! Wow, all I can say is he’s had to have already narrowed it down and is keeping some of them by the urging of the show. The show needs Desiree and Erica for entertainment value, and no other reason!
Kim. Sarah, and Ellen are crushed. Kim is still delusional, insisting she did not pass out at the beach. Ellen wishes him luck, and later tells us she’s not ready to go home.
Next week, more spectacular dates! Woo hoo! How far will they go for a $2 million necklace? I think Desiree would go just as far for a couple sticks of gum and a rum and coke! Also, one girl loses her mind. It appears to be Erica, and they are giving her credit for having a mind.
Tune in to The Bachelor next week, then come back here to Reality TV World for the best in reality show commentary.
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