LAST EDITED ON 08-13-11 AT 12:54 PM (EST)

Cue the recording of the scriptwriter (S) and producer (P) phone call....and, transcribe:

S: What the he.ll happened? I leave to go to my family reunion and you have Lawon get evicted? I thought the plan was for Brendan to battle Rachel after Rachel was evicted! That would have made for terrific tv because the audience would have been torn about which one they would root for!

*crackle*...*crackle*

S: are you there? I can't hear what you just said.

P: remember when ED bailed out after 5 days? And the rest of the vets threatened to all pack up and leave, too, unless we gave them more money and guaranteed they would make jury...or at least, have a really, really, really good shot at making jury?

S: what? Jury? Who cares about jury? I thought you just wanted good ratings...who cares if they are in jury together!

P: well, jury means more screen time, something the vets all wanted. We send cameras to jury every so often to update viewers on their favorites. Jury is guaranteed stipend. And our polling shows the vets are pulling in the ratings much more than the newbs. Plus, they get to determine the winner.

S: next thing you'll tell me is that you have changed your mind about the winner. Don't tell me the poll has anything to do with it!

P: we did get 2mm+ votes in our poll. Not as many paid votes as we had hoped, but the economy is down compared to when Kaysar got voted back in.

S: I thought this game was supposed to be about power shifts. You have Dani in the HOH again for what is actually her third week, because we all know that Kalia did Dani's bidding for the first part of her HOH. How in the heck did Dani win?

*crackle* *crackle*

P: Dani....asked....first script....current week's script accidentally ....mistake...sorry... off the storyline...provided

S: And just WHAT have you done with Shelly? She had a bigger role than you have been showing and now she is on the block? Having meltdowns? Did you give her the wrong meds?

P: Shelly ...*crackle* ... moral majority conservative type. She went to the Glenn Beck rally, for Pete's sake! Can't have.....*crackle*....for a winner ... *crackle*...must be done.

S: You've killed my scripts! Brendan isn't even nominated!

P: It's BB. Expect the unexpected. Call back after the POV ceremony, we'll talk.

S: WHAT?

*click*

S: $%#&!