1. Nadia Turner
This week’s choice for Diva of the Week was a tough one! Talk about a one-two punch! But the edge goes to the Diva in the ‘showstopper’ slot, Miss Nadia Turner. Girlfriend looked unquestionably fierce in a gorgeous, clingy white one-shouldered gown. Her hair (now classier minus the caramel highlights) was big, chocolate brown, and beautiful. And her diamond-shaped drop earrings were to die for. Take note, flat-chested girls, Nadia smartly chooses gowns with lots of frills, gathers and folds at the bustline, to maximize her assets. That way, she can remain fashionably emaciated, and still look buxom at the same time. You go, girl! 2. Vonzell Solomon
This week, Vonzell proved yet again that, as a fashion Idol, she’s tough to beat (and if Nadia hadn’t pulled out all the stops this week, Vonzell would have held her number one position.) With her hair pulled back into a sleek pony, her gorgeous face took the focus, most notably her lovely eyes (which were perfectly framed with a bronze-metallic shadow.) In a strapless dress of black lace over cream silk, with a delicate black satin ribbon at the waistline, she was ‘tres elegante,’ and classic… without being old-fashioned.
3. Carrie Underwood
The three remaining ladies are getting all the props this week from this critic. Carrie looked lovely as always in a sky blue chiffon gown (which looked like it might have been dyed to match her gorgeous blue eyes) and sexy silver spike heels. The dress had a real 40’s feeling about it… the cut was not unlike Marilyn Monroe’s famous white satin ‘Seven Year Itch’ gown… which was perfect for the period and style of the song. Her blonde hair was big, bouncy and wavy… again perfect for the period.
4. Constantine Maroulis
Though I still think he needs a haircut and a good scrubbing (volunteers anyone?) I couldn’t argue with Constantine’s fashion choices this week. The combination of dressy elements with casual basics is ‘de rigueur’ today, and in a classy black tipped tux jacket over a textured taupe silk shirt, with jeans and black pointy boots, he was spot-on.
5. Anwar Robinson
This week was a vast improvement for Anwar over the last two weeks, and I’m happy to see him taking this a bit more seriously. He looked trendy and elegant in a long black velvet coat, light bootcut jeans, a black floral print shirt, and a long sky blue scarf (which looked like it was made from leftover material from Carrie’s dress.)
6. Anthony Federov
Anthony fell a few places this week, I’m sorry to say, when his choice of wardrobe was nearly as flawed as his choice of song. The sheer blue vertical striped dress shirt was somewhat sexy… and in keeping with the sky-blue theme that seemed to follow us through the night… but white jeans? Ill advised, I’m afraid. There are very few people who can wear white jeans… and Anthony really isn’t one of them. While Anthony is, by all accounts, thin… he doesn’t have particularly wide shoulders nor a particularly narrow waist. Consequently, the white jeans shortened and widened him unappealingly. In addition, the white jean-sky blue shirt combination had a sort of ‘Caribbean Cruise’ feeling about it that was completely wrong for the style and period of the song. Sorry, Anthony, but the fashion police have spoken… and you’re getting off this week with a Warning.
7. Bo Bice
To paraphrase Simon… ‘If I’m being honest…’ Bo looked silly, ‘costumey,’ and inappropriate in a red faux-crocodile shirt and black leather pants. (Can you say Fashion Citation?) Additionally, and maybe I’m the only one who noticed this, but the too-tight waist of the pants had the unfortunate side effect of making Bo look a bit chubby in the belly area. Normally, I might cut Bo some slack… but the fact that he butchered the lyrics to his ill-chosen song left me with little sympathy for him. And while I’m Bo-bashing… isn’t it time for a shower? And while you’re at it, Bo, how about a nice hot-oil treatment? The dry, flyaway look has NEVER been fashionable.
8. Nikko Smith
This critic is thrilled that Fashion Victim Nikko has finally been removed for our TV screens. This was his worst week yet, sartorially, and in response he got the long-deserved re-boot! This week, he donned black suit pants and vest, a blue dress shirt, and a brown and blue spotted tie. That’s the good news. Here’s the bad news: He also wore black Converse high-tops, which are unfashionable with any outfit, let alone a suit. And he wore the trademark rectangular glasses which we are soooo bored of at this point. Finally, to top it off, he wore a black straw fedora with a black satin band and little grey feather in it. No, I’m not kidding… a little grey feather. The whole sort of Ghetto Mobster look just isn't working for you, man.
9. Scott Savol
Though this was his best wardrobe week so far, I simply, on principal, can’t rate Scott any higher than this. He was clean and safe in a boxy black suit and royal blue dress shirt. In fact, it looked like what he might have worn to court if he were on trial this week (which to some degree is appropriate, considering the trial he’s getting in the media.) And though much improved, he’s still The Fashion Police’s Public Enemy Number One. I still hate his ridiculously manicured facial hair, and his flat, emotionless, charisma-free performances. So there.
There are certainly some who will scoff at my use of shallow, surface attributes to judge our Idol Finalists. I say, to those who scoff, they can all kiss my tanned, hairless, Stairmaster-toned a$$.
Larry Johnson is a comedy writer, currently working for Disney TV. Look for his weekly commentary from a gay point of view. Please DON’T go to his former website, which shall remain nameless, because it has been usurped by a (gasp!) Straight Porn site.
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