Will I miss SO if it goes away?? Which SO ... the old SO or the new SO??? IMO, they are not one and the same. I DO miss the old SO. I've been missing it all season. As far as I'm concerned, they can take the new SO and throw it immediately in the can. I have it scheduled to record each day on the DVR and occasionally scan through it to see if there is some actual insight, help, therapy, compassion, personal responsibility, support, and all the rest that innitially made SO the amazing, original, helpful show it began as. THAT's what I miss.

During the OldSO, watching angry, hurtful, or irresponsible behavior of some of the women wasn't the irritating, blood-pressure rising, agony it has now become. "Bad" behavior of old was shown ... yet you could be comforted knowing it was being shown BECAUSE it would be delt with, if not in the immediate episode, within the next day or two. Now, "bad" behavior is being shown strickly for the "rubber-neck" curiosity value. And that's why the blood pressure gauge climbs anytime I attempt to really WATCH and actual concentration on this years show. It's like watching a spoiled rotten brat completely controlling a group of adults and the adults being clueless of the irritating behavior and even more clueless of any actual solution. Or like the school bully with the bully dad who controls the school board, continually getting away with horrible, hateful behavior and still getting all the awards never earned nor deserved.

I'll be the first to admit, I want to see the bullies have to answer for their behavior and have to learn another way, apologize, atone ... whatever. I wanted to see Allison called on her selfish, whining, attention-seeking behavior, made to see how it doesn't serve her, and I would have loved watching her learn to be truely giving and compassionate, not the fake self-serving compassion she loved to TELL everyone she had. I would have stayed glued without blinking if I could have watched GagLisa being shown in a session with the LCs her fake, rediculous, worse-acting-on-the-planet crying and puking and being called on it each and every time she tried to get something from it. I would have liked to see Jill have to answer for her entitlement issues more than just at the first of her marathon stay and not given even more reasons to increase this harmful attitude. I would love to watch as Kelly is made to see her hateful, obsessed, lazy attitude and ... again, called on it each time. And not because I want to see the women "whipped" just because their behavior is obnoxious but because none of these women will be able to have the happy, successful, fulfilling lives they truly want without someday being what I know they deep inside wish they could be ... the confident, successful woman we all want to be. We all have varying degrees of a lot of irritating or self-limiting behaviors. Watching as these women learn of theirs, understand them, then learn what to do to limit or eliminate them is what made SO the unique program it started as. Was it good to send Allison or any of the others home with a fake graduation seemingly worse off than the day they entered the house? Is Allison getting the positive life-affirming attention she desperately tried to get? No, Allison is one of the biggest jokes of SO. Is this what she came on the program for? I'll admit, I saw more than enough evidence of Allison's whinny, self-serving behavior during her 1st season to not care for her at all but there are others who came to the SOH that I didn't like at the beginning but grew to support and pull for as they learned and grew during their time on SO. I would have loved to have gotten behind and pulled for Allison also but SO never gave me the chance. Now, my memory of her will always be one of dislike ... one that would only be humiliation for her. Do I blame Allison? I don't know. Yes, she came on a reality show, maybe wanting fame or a new career or some other self-serving gain. That was Allison. But I don't think she fully deserved what she got. I'll always believe those who came on the show the 1st couple of seasons honestly came for help in "starting over" for any number of reasons ... and in the mix, they may have also wanted the attention. Allison has problems, as do many of those we see. But now it seems what I see is more of SO exploiting these problems, putting the women in situations to exadurate their problems, then editing them to laughable proportions. Yes, that is what reality TV is all about. But when SO started I thought maybe thay could actually be a bit different. They seemed to start that way ... and my worst fears were realized ... that they would morph themselves into the exact replica of the hundreds of other reality shows scattered all over the TV schedule.

I've gotten a lot out of SO, especially at the beginning. It came at a time for me when my own life was barely liveable. I was fighting for my life, physically. My body was a prison, making my own bedroom a prison cell. I needed whatever I could find that was positive and affirming. SO was a drop in a huge bucket of void I was trying to survive. My own siblings and parents had abandoned me during this life-threatening illness when I had spent my entire adult life giving and being supportive to them all. I couldn't understand their behavior. It was devistating. My only child, one of the strongest positive forces in my life, had just moved 500 miles away out of state to college. I'd never sat still a day in my life and just before the illness I was running marathons, playing competitive tennis and beach volley ball, riding bikes and hiking at every chance, finally hubby & I had the resources to travel nationally and internationally, and I'd quit one career & was back in school for a new masters degree and a new career. I was living the life I'd dreamed and worked many years to attain. In a matter of weeks I was fighting for my life and completely bed-ridden. I was struggling.

Though my health is finally improving and it looks like I MIGHT be able to SOMEDAY run just a teeny tiny bit (please God - it's my mental, physical, & emotional salvation!) I got used to the daily affirmation and reminder to continue to strive to be the best me I can be. I hope to resume one class this fall so hope I have less and less time to fill ... but I will still miss OldSO.