Floaters, Factions and Followers!!!

Well here we are again folks! Another amazing episode of the Amazing Race!!! Woo hoo that theme song really gets my adrenaline pumped! Yay!

We begin with a recap of last week, which I will not bore you with because you can read all about the whole thing here, where our lovely Seana wrote a fantabulous summary of the episode!

So… we join our teams who are leaving the pit stop at Primavera de Serra, near Brotas, Brazil. The clue has the teams get back in their punch buggies and drive to a nearby farm, 3 miles away and take a ride on a zip line. They will have $307 bucks for this leg. Our silly hippies, BJ and Tyler, set off first at 4:48 am. Eric and Jeremy, the beach bum frat boys, who I will now call BBFB, are a few minutes behind and leave the mat at 5:01 am. They are followed by MoJo (In case you don’t know, that’s Joseph and Monica, who gave their own team this nickname at the start of the race, just for the convenience of we summary writers!) at 5:18 am and Dave and Lori, the loveable nerds, who I will now refer to as team N.E.R.D. ~ make up your own mnemonic, at 5:28 am. Of course, we are treated to one of the great TAR equalizers because the farm does not open until 7 am! The silly hippy boys decide they will be jumping out of the bushes as the other teams drive up to the farm in their punch buggies. They actually get on the cars and take a ride on the hood and roof! Well, what did you expect? They have over two hours to wait for the farm to open! They were bored! They needed to entertain themselves! …and give us viewers something to laugh about!

In the meantime, other teams are beginning to leave the pit stop. At 6:31 am, Ray and Yolanda (team R.A.Y. ~ thanks dajaki) set out to drive the 3 miles with Wanda and Desiree (team W.A.D. aka We Are Dopes!) just a minute behind. Gee, do you think they’ll make it 3 miles by 7 am? Can you say bunching? There are now 6 of our 9 teams waiting for the farm to open! The gates finally open and it’s a massive scramble!!! BJ and Tyler get there first, go down the zip line and get their clue. It says they need to get to the Brotas bus station and go to Sao Paolo airport so they can fly 7300 miles to Moscow, Russia where they will have to find Chaika Bassein, an Olympic training facility… one that has water! Yes folks, the place has water. Bassein? That’s kind of like the word basin and we all know what a basin is, right? Yes! It’s a thing that holds water! The other 5 teams at the farm complete the task and also head off to the bus station to get a ticket for the next available bus.

Lake and Michelle, (L.A.M. aka loud and mean ~ don't let the sound of this mnemonic fool you, these people are the farthest from sweet, little lambs), head out from the pit stop at 7:06 am and the Double D’s, Danielle and Dani, are behind by a minute. L.A.M. get lost! …allowing the Double D’s to pass them by and get to the farm before them! Lake decides to get out of his punch buggy and stand on the hood and roof of the car to see if he can find the farm from on top, because, you know there is a sign somewhere, sticking way up high out of the tall grass, with a big arrow shaped red flag that says, “IT’S OVER HERE, LAKE!!!” This causes the roof to buckle, but I’m sure it only did that because of his yelling at Michelle... and her yelling at him to get off the car! It wasn’t from the weight of him standing on it! That roof was cringing, just like the viewers! Hey! TAR should make them use their $307 bucks to fix it! Yeah! That would be a cool, new penalty! Whenever a team does any damage during the race, they should have to pay for repairs!

The old folks, Fran and Barry, (team F.A.B. aka foagies are bitchin’!) who led us to believe in their CBS promo video that they are a very active older couple, not anything like the previous older couples and who are trying to change the stereotype of older TAR couples, are the last to leave the pit stop at 8:24 am. They are 1 hour and 17 minutes behind all the others! Way to do your part about that stereotype, folks!

So, the teams are arriving at the bus station. The earliest time available is 9:15 am. The hippies, BBFB, MoJo and N.E.R.D. get on the first bus. The next bunch of teams, W.A.D., the Double D’s, L.A.M. and R.A.Y. get on the second bus, which will leave at 10 am.

Finally, F.A.B. get to the farm to do the zipline and they are off to the bus station where they see no other teams! Omigawd! They are the only team on the third bus which will leave at 10:45 am. They whine and kind of deflate as they wait for the bus. Hey! Guys? Guess what? You know how you were 1 hour and 17 minutes behind leaving the pit stop? Yeah well, now you are only 45 minutes behind! Be optimistic here F.A.B.! You have just gained 32 minutes! Sheesh! Plus? You are on your way to the airport and if you’ve ever seen TAR for even five minutes of your life, then you know there will be airport bunching!!! Boy! Some people!

In the next segment, the teams are at the airport scrambling for tickets to Moscow! They are shown snippets of various teams at the Lufthansa counter. Lake calls the ticket lady “Senorita” while Michelle points out that she doesn’t think that’s the right word. It’s about time they leave Brazil because I’m getting darn annoyed at these people speaking Spanish! Let’s see how they do with the language barrier in Russia! Oh wait! Maybe I shouldn’t wish that they leave Brazil, they could be worse with Russian! By the time we see all of the first 8 teams getting their tickets, F.A.B. gets off their bus at the airport. Lo and behold! I think TAR has just made history! We, of course, get treated to airport bunching, but this is no ordinary airport bunching. Nope folks… I present to you the newest concept in TAR equalizers… SUPERMEGAGINORMOBUNCHING!!! Yep, all 9 teams are on the same Lufthansa flight that will depart at 7:10 (I’m assuming it is 7:10 pm, given the bus times) and go through Frankfort, Germany before arriving in Moscow at 12:10. As a matter of fact, this bunching is so bad that Lisa & Joni and John & Scott have caught up and they’re on the same flight too!

So, the teams fly to Moscow. Did I tell you they were all on the same flight? Yup! When the flight lands, there is a mad scramble to find taxi cabs to take them to the Chaika Bassein, that’s an Olympic training facility. Did you know they have water there? Yup! The hippies luck out and grab the first taxi. F.A.B. gets the next one. So much for them being at the back of the pack! Next is R.A.Y., followed by L.A.M., BBFB & the Double D’s share a taxi as do MoJo & N.E.R.D. and finally W.A.D. are bringing up the rear. As the teams arrive at the water facility, they grab their clue. It’s a Roadblock! In case you don’t know, a Roadblock is a task that only one person may perform. In this Roadblock, teams must climb a 10 meter platform, jump into the pool, swim to the other side then dive down in the water for their next clue. Of course, the teams must choose the person who will do it before they open the instructions. Now remember, these teams were told they were supposed to go to a water facility waaaay back when they were in Brazil. When they get to the water facility, the Roadblock route marker asks, “Who wants to take the plunge?” So, I’m thinking, perhaps, maybe, you know, the teams may want to discuss who will do the Roadblock during all the time they knew they were going to this water facility. Nah! That would be too easy! Why the heck would the teams want to think this through? I mean, it’s no big deal who does it, right? Well! Two of the teams, R.A.Y. and W.A.D. have the person volunteer who either can’t swim or is afraid of drowning! WTF???

Anyway, on with the race! The hippies, who arrived first at the task, are first to complete it and receive the next clue which tells them to travel by taxi to Smolensk Cathedral on the grounds of the Novodevichiy Monastery. Most of the teams complete the Roadblock with no problems, but Yolanda tells us that she can’t swim! Well… why did you volunteer to do a task called taking the plunge? …and Wanda tells us she also can’t swim! Yolanda actually does the task quickly, gets the clue and R.A.Y. are off with a bunch of other teams to the Cathedral. Wanda, on the other hand, finally jumps off the platform and swims across the pool, but she can’t dive down for the clue and starts becoming hysterical! Desiree tries to calm her, but we go to commercials with Wanda still screaming! I guess she’s all full of hot air because she floats and can under the water to the clue! Hey! I have an idea! Desiree should grab her backpack and toss it to Wanda! Yeah, that could do it! The weight would help her sink down to the clue! What? Oh darn, it’s a Roadblock and only one person can perform it. Shucks! Oh well.

After the commercials, the other 8 teams are all on their way to the Cathedral. Some factions are continuing to share the taxis, including BBFB and the Double D’s. Just then, Dani realizes she left the clue, in her fanny pack, back at the locker room at Chaika Bassein. They get out of the cab to go back and leave the BBFB to navigate alone! With no one to follow... for now!

Wanda screams out enough hot air to get under the water and get the clue. The Russian spectators start cheering for her! What she doesn’t know is that they were just really happy they could finally have their pool to themselves and they are finally put out of the misery of hearing this woman scream! They get into a taxi to go to the Cathedral, the Double D’s show up for their lost fanny pack. W.A.D realizes they are still in the race! So it’s looking like a race for last place between the two female teams!

Meanwhile, the other teams are getting the next clue which tells them about this leg’s detour. Phil tells us: A Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with it’s own pros and cons. In this Detour, teams must choose between Scour and Scrub. In Scrub, teams must get to a trolley depot and wash it inside and out. This task could be very physical. They will be judged on their ability to clean by some trolley washing supervisor guy that probably doesn’t speak English or Spanish for that matter, but he has their next clue! In Scour, teams must go to Dubrovka Theatre and search through hundreds of nesting dolls for one of ten microscopic clues. It’s not a physical task, but it could take a very long time! Hey! I wonder if N.E.R.D packed their microscope in their packs! It could come in handy.

So the teams are on their way to the chosen Detour tasks. The hippies, L.A.M., BBFB and F.A.B. decide to wash the trolleys. R.A.Y. chooses to search through the dolls. Lake decides he will follow R.A.Y. Michelle points out that he doesn’t know if they are doing the same Detour, but they hop in their taxi and follow them anyway! BBFB also get in a taxi and follow them. The hippies and F.A.B. arrive at what is supposed to be the trolley depot and can’t find an entrance or a flag. They both decide to switch to the nesting doll task. In the meantime, R.A.Y. followed by BBFB and L.A.M. arrive at the theatre. Lake is getting frustrated and complains the searching is a dumb task! He says it’s R.A.Y.’s fault and Yolanda tells them, “Ya’ll should’ve picked your own damn detour!” There is furious music in the background, which makes trying to find the little clue very frustrating, but hey, at least they didn’t have to eat spicy Hungarian soup with that music playing!

N.E.R.D. and MoJo arrive at the Cathedral and decide to scrub the trolleys. W.A.D. and the Double D’s also finally get to the Cathedral and choose to scrub. Funny… those 4 teams may have got a little lost, but didn’t seem to have a problem finding the trolley depot!

Back at the theatre, BBFB find their microscopic clue, which is not actually microscopic as they can read it with the naked eye! It tells them to get to Red Square and find Phil. It does not say go to the pit stop! We see a glimpse of Phil in Red Square and I instantly notice he has no greeter with him! Oh no! Don’t tell me! It’s not a pit stop, is it? L.A.M. find the next clue then R.A.Y. followed by the hippies. They are on their way to find Phil. F.A.B. are still searching and the other 4 teams are still at the trolley depot.

The BBFB are first to the mat. Phil raises his eyebrow and waits a moment to tell them. This leg is not over, they must keep racing and here’s your next clue!

At this point, half of all TAR fans fall to their knees screaming, “NOOOOOOO!!! It’s a Superleg!!!” Their screams are so loud they wake up sleeping babies and set off a barking dog frenzy heard around the world! …and unfortunately for me, I do not get to tell you how the Philiminated team screwed up this leg so badly, they deserved to go to sequesterville!

Oh well! Next week, hopefully Estee will have that pleasure when she mocks the racers for looking like a bunch of Pinnochio's wearing leiderhosen and has some fun while teams are tortured with the “wall of death”!

'nutz: Proud member of the inoffensive OT Triumvirate... and Shroomhater! - shroom go boom!
Sorry this took ahwile to get posted. I had a hectic couple of days!