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"SSC (CW) WF Seeks Purveyor of Aloe"
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samiam 5976 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

07-06-01, 09:27 AM (EST)
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"SSC (CW) WF Seeks Purveyor of Aloe"
I want to know who invented sunburn. I want to know whose idea it was to make people like me, pale as a snowman's heart attack, and then inject us with a beach-lust rivaling even the most dedicated surfer's; who thought it would be funny to make my skin change color faster than a nervous bride on her wedding night. If my skin could be categorized and immortalized on little cards like paint samples, I would change from Tom Sawyer Whitewash to Strutting Baboon's Ass in 20 minutes flat. From Bleached Blonde to Carrot Top. From French Vanilla to Fresh Strawberry, Hold the Whipped Cream. SPF may as well stand for Scarlet Passion Fruit for all the good it does me.

Nevertheless, the ideal of crispy brown skin, the elusive Perfect Tan (potential melanoma notwithstanding), propels me, mothlike, to bathe in sunlight, to let its fingers of light caress my skin like an eager lover. The Egyptians were willing victims, too -- they made a religion out of cheering the sun on in his daily rounds: Ra, Ra, sis-boom-bah. I've never seen a pyramid up close, but two'll get you five that there's a spot at the top for a lounge chair.

Most everyone else in the animal kingdom hides from the scorching noon rays, but not us. We welcome the pain and peeling skin like long-lost rich relatives who might die and leave us their inheritance at any moment. Anything fraught with this brand of cosmic irony has to be God's doing. And to show my appreciation, since cleanliness is next to Godliness, next time I take a shower I plan to pimp-slap Him with my loofah.


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  Table of Contents

  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
 RE: SSC (CW) WF Seeks Purveyor of A... darbygrl 07-06-01 1
   RE: SSC (CW) WF Seeks Purveyor of A... ItzLisa 07-06-01 3
       RE: SSC (CW) WF Seeks Purveyor of A... darbygrl 07-06-01 4
           RE: SSC (CW) WF Seeks Purveyor of A... ItzLisa 07-06-01 9
 RE: SSC (CW) WF Seeks Purveyor of A... dabo 07-06-01 2
 RE: SSC (CW) WF Seeks Purveyor of A... SherpaDave 07-06-01 5
 RE: SSC (CW) WF Seeks Purveyor of A... mistofleas 07-06-01 6
 RE: SSC (CW) WF Seeks Purveyor of A... Riordan 07-06-01 7
 RE: SSC (CW) WF Seeks Purveyor of A... desert_rhino 07-06-01 8

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Messages in this topic

darbygrl 293 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Network TV Show Guest Star"

07-06-01, 09:33 AM (EST)
Click to EMail darbygrl Click to send private message to darbygrl Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
1. "RE: SSC (CW) WF Seeks Purveyor of Aloe"
OK sam, I am lmao becuz I am right there with ya on the casper effect. My friends used to call me Casper when we would go to FLA. I would think I was so tan,, yet paled in comparison. Literally.
It is a cruel and usual burden to carry a love for the sun and a body covering of alabaster!


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darbygrl

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ItzLisa 3350 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"

07-06-01, 10:11 AM (EST)
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3. "RE: SSC (CW) WF Seeks Purveyor of Aloe"
LAST EDITED ON 07-06-01 AT 10:13 AM (EST)

Sam, what a great piece of work!!!

Same here, Darby and Sam!!! I am THE personification of "Honky"! And the fact that I'm full blooded Italian and burn to a crisp the minute I hit the beach never fails to amuse me! But it's okay, I have many reasons not to feel bad, among them - I love the sun, I love being out and wandering around on a sunny day, but I hate laying around in it doing nothing, so I find sunbathing itself very boring. In addition, I look truly stupid with a tan - let others laugh at my ghostly white skin all summer, I'd look a helluva lot dumber with a tan! And of course, no melonoma, no wrinkles, no pain and peeling - my lack of desire to sunworship has only brought good stuff for me! SPF 45 and I are the best of buddies, and have been for many years now - I couldn't get through a summer without it!

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darbygrl 293 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Network TV Show Guest Star"

07-06-01, 10:13 AM (EST)
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4. "RE: SSC (CW) WF Seeks Purveyor of Aloe"
You will have beautiful skin at 50!


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darbygrl

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ItzLisa 3350 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"

07-06-01, 02:10 PM (EST)
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9. "RE: SSC (CW) WF Seeks Purveyor of Aloe"
LAST EDITED ON 07-06-01 AT 02:14 PM (EST)

Well, thanks, Darby - so will you too, as well as a bunch of our fellow honkies around here it seems!

A question to all my fellow "Ghosts with the Most" who've replied so far - don't you find alot of other advantages to being so pale? I mean, seriously! Aside from the reasons I've stated above, I've always liked it because it goes well with my hair - the dark hair, dark eyes, white skin - it's always been a pretty cool contrast! Before I decided to tone down my make-up some years ago, it used to be a blast having the perfect coloring to wear fire-engine red lipstick! And further, being a total Casper takes all the guesswork out of buying makeup! If I need face powder or concealer, all I need to do is head for the absolute lightest shade, and buy it - and I've never been wrong, LOL!!! Not once, ever, have the words "I need to return this - it's too light" popped out of my mouth!

Of course, the downside - some years ago at the beach, I was walking along the shoreline, headed back towards my family. Far far in the distance, I could see my brother, doubled over and as I got closer, I could see he was laughing his butt off! I knew it, I knew it - it happened to me every summer at the beach! I reached them and said to him "What is so funny?" (as if I didn't know why he was howling!) When he caught his breath, he says "Oh, man, Lis - I could see you a mile away! It was like this glowing ball of light getting closer and closer to us!"

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dabo 26500 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

07-06-01, 09:59 AM (EST)
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2. "RE: SSC (CW) WF Seeks Purveyor of Aloe"
Loved the Ra-Ra part! Very nice piece of work, sam. Yeah, you would think some people are cold-blooded the way they seem to need to get out in the sun ... oh yeah, some people are cold-blooded. Seriously, an amusing and enlightening piece, thanks.

"If the race of man should be left naked upon a desert island, we should become extinct in six weeks. A few individuals might linger, but in a year would become worse than monkeys." (Samuel Butler, "Erewhon")

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SherpaDave 8325 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

07-06-01, 11:00 AM (EST)
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5. "RE: SSC (CW) WF Seeks Purveyor of Aloe"
From French Vanilla to Fresh Strawberry, Hold the Whipped Cream.

Mmmmm.... whipped cream.... You know how I feel about whipped cream. There goes sami, rocking my world again.


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mistofleas 8043 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

07-06-01, 11:47 AM (EST)
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6. "RE: SSC (CW) WF Seeks Purveyor of Aloe"
Sami...baby doll, that was wonderful! You talked of a subject I can relate to as well. I loved the pimp slap God with the loofah part and Ra, Ra Ra...had me rolling on the floor, I tell ya.
Thank you so much for this one! You rock girly!


<<<trying out the new sig picture from boomerang, what do you think?>>>

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Riordan 634 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Reality Show Commentator"

07-06-01, 01:32 PM (EST)
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7. "RE: SSC (CW) WF Seeks Purveyor of Aloe"
LAST EDITED ON 07-06-01 AT 01:33 PM (EST)

And to show my appreciation, since cleanliness is next to Godliness, next time I take a shower I plan to pimp-slap Him with my loofah. ROFL at this!!

You would so hate me. I will only burn if I am over water, and even then it is usually just my face. (Yes, I do know how bad it is.) I do not enjoy sunbathing, however I do have need of sunlight. I have heard of something called winter depression, and I believe it applies to me.

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desert_rhino 10087 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

07-06-01, 01:40 PM (EST)
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8. "RE: SSC (CW) WF Seeks Purveyor of Aloe"
Fresh Strawberry, Hold the Whipped Cream

OMG! <click> I *LOVE* those!

-- JV

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