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PLEASE NOTE: The Reality TV World Message Boards are filled with desperate
attention-seekers pretending to be one big happy PG/PG13-rated family. Don't
be fooled. Trying to get everyone to agree with you is like herding cats,
but intolerance for other viewpoints is NOT welcome and respect for other
posters IS required at all times. Jump in and play, and you'll soon find out
how easy it is to fit in, but save your drama for your mama. All members are
encouraged to read the
complete guidelines.
As entertainment critic Roger
Ebert once said, "If you disagree with something I write, tell me so, argue
with me, correct me--but don't tell me to shut up. That's not the American way."
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"SSC (CW) WF Seeks Purveyor of Aloe"
samiam 5976 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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07-06-01, 09:27 AM (EST)
 
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"SSC (CW) WF Seeks Purveyor of Aloe" |
I want to know who invented sunburn. I want to know whose idea it was to make people like me, pale as a snowman's heart attack, and then inject us with a beach-lust rivaling even the most dedicated surfer's; who thought it would be funny to make my skin change color faster than a nervous bride on her wedding night. If my skin could be categorized and immortalized on little cards like paint samples, I would change from Tom Sawyer Whitewash to Strutting Baboon's Ass in 20 minutes flat. From Bleached Blonde to Carrot Top. From French Vanilla to Fresh Strawberry, Hold the Whipped Cream. SPF may as well stand for Scarlet Passion Fruit for all the good it does me.Nevertheless, the ideal of crispy brown skin, the elusive Perfect Tan (potential melanoma notwithstanding), propels me, mothlike, to bathe in sunlight, to let its fingers of light caress my skin like an eager lover. The Egyptians were willing victims, too -- they made a religion out of cheering the sun on in his daily rounds: Ra, Ra, sis-boom-bah. I've never seen a pyramid up close, but two'll get you five that there's a spot at the top for a lounge chair. Most everyone else in the animal kingdom hides from the scorching noon rays, but not us. We welcome the pain and peeling skin like long-lost rich relatives who might die and leave us their inheritance at any moment. Anything fraught with this brand of cosmic irony has to be God's doing. And to show my appreciation, since cleanliness is next to Godliness, next time I take a shower I plan to pimp-slap Him with my loofah.
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ItzLisa 3350 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
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07-06-01, 10:11 AM (EST)
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3. "RE: SSC (CW) WF Seeks Purveyor of Aloe" |
LAST EDITED ON 07-06-01 AT 10:13 AM (EST)Sam, what a great piece of work!!! Same here, Darby and Sam!!! I am THE personification of "Honky"! And the fact that I'm full blooded Italian and burn to a crisp the minute I hit the beach never fails to amuse me! But it's okay, I have many reasons not to feel bad, among them - I love the sun, I love being out and wandering around on a sunny day, but I hate laying around in it doing nothing, so I find sunbathing itself very boring. In addition, I look truly stupid with a tan - let others laugh at my ghostly white skin all summer, I'd look a helluva lot dumber with a tan! And of course, no melonoma, no wrinkles, no pain and peeling - my lack of desire to sunworship has only brought good stuff for me! SPF 45 and I are the best of buddies, and have been for many years now - I couldn't get through a summer without it! ****************************************
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ItzLisa 3350 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
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07-06-01, 02:10 PM (EST)
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9. "RE: SSC (CW) WF Seeks Purveyor of Aloe" |
LAST EDITED ON 07-06-01 AT 02:14 PM (EST)Well, thanks, Darby - so will you too, as well as a bunch of our fellow honkies around here it seems! A question to all my fellow "Ghosts with the Most" who've replied so far - don't you find alot of other advantages to being so pale? I mean, seriously! Aside from the reasons I've stated above, I've always liked it because it goes well with my hair - the dark hair, dark eyes, white skin - it's always been a pretty cool contrast! Before I decided to tone down my make-up some years ago, it used to be a blast having the perfect coloring to wear fire-engine red lipstick! And further, being a total Casper takes all the guesswork out of buying makeup! If I need face powder or concealer, all I need to do is head for the absolute lightest shade, and buy it - and I've never been wrong, LOL!!! Not once, ever, have the words "I need to return this - it's too light" popped out of my mouth! Of course, the downside - some years ago at the beach, I was walking along the shoreline, headed back towards my family. Far far in the distance, I could see my brother, doubled over and as I got closer, I could see he was laughing his butt off! I knew it, I knew it - it happened to me every summer at the beach! I reached them and said to him "What is so funny?" (as if I didn't know why he was howling!) When he caught his breath, he says "Oh, man, Lis - I could see you a mile away! It was like this glowing ball of light getting closer and closer to us!" ****************************************
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p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e -
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Seriously, an amusing and enlightening piece, thanks.
