LAST EDITED ON 04-17-03 AT 02:19 PM (EST)Note to readers/fans/stalkers: This is my weekly Diva rant, similar to the popular and critically praised 'Gay Survivor Journal.' It is an exclusive to the RealityTVWorld American Idol board.
Please note that my opinions are based solely on image, style and originality, not on voice. Some of the biggest selling recording artists of all time couldn't sing for crap. A short list of Stars with marginal vocal talent would include: Cher, Bette Midler, Britney Spears, Enrique Iglesias, Madonna, Jennifer Lopez, Ricky Martin, Kylie Minogue... the list goes on and on. What they had was Star Quality... so what I am looking for is a DIVA (male or female) with that X-factor.
This Week's Diva Rankings
1. Kimberly Locke
Diva of the Week. Girlfriend makes another jump this week, from third to first, winning her first Diva of the Week title. My first thought when she took the stage was: ‘Wow, she’s lost a lot of weight!’ And while no doubt she has dropped a few pounds since her early weeks, I think the truth is actually that she is finally dressing for her body type. Pay attention, ladies (and drag queens.) When a person wears a two-piece ensemble (or a dress with any sort of waistband or belt) this divides the body into two parts. When the body is evenly divided, the eye is drawn to the widest area of each of those parts. So when a lady like Kimberly wears a tucked shirt, band-waist dress, or short jacket, the eye is drawn to her shoulders (which are okay) and her hips (not so good.) On the other had, when she wears a long tailored jacket (like she did on Tuesday) the division is not balanced, so the eye is drawn to the center of the larger area. Thus on Tuesday, my eye was drawn solely to her breasts (as it should be.) Furthermore, her choice of always-fashionable, always-slimming black was perfect. The lace on the top of her shirt was subtle and classy, her necklace was understated, her charcoal felt cap added urban flair, and her sleek black hair looked healthier and smoother than ever.
In attitude, as well, she was 100% Diva this week. Her performance had a ‘go ahead, put me in the bottom three again… I don’t care… I’m still FIERCE… so ##### you!’ attitude about it that I loved. No flash or showiness here, just style and substance. You go!
2. Trenyce
Runner Up Diva of the Week. Trenyce holds this week in the number two slot. This week she wore what was, by all accounts, a cream silk undergarment. I know some of you at home were screaming ‘you forgot your dress, girl!’ But before you cast stones, my friends, please be aware that Trenyce’s slip-dress was certainly in keeping with current fashion trends. (In fact, this look is not even really edgy… it has been available for several seasons… it borders on outdated.) Still, on a ‘family’ show this look was somewhat ‘risky’ (not to be confused with risqué, which it also was.)
The true test of a ‘risky’ garment choice is two factors: 1. How does she look in it? (In her case, smokin’. The underwire detail helped augment her otherwise pancake-like chest, and the shirred fabric helped fill out her lanky figure. Also, the cream color played nicely off her lovely skin tone.) 2. Can she pull off the necessary attitude? (Trenyce? Attitude? No doubt on this point.) All in all, this week was a winner for Ms. T!
3. Kimberley Caldwell
In her last appearance on American Idol, Kimberley goes out with a bang! It was not a Diva-of-the-Week smash, but it was undoubtedly a success. She looked gorgeous, as always, in an asymmetrical black skirt with a silver ‘charm-bracelet’ belt, high black boots, and an unusual black, silver, and sky-blue bandeau top held in place with shoulder straps, and a strap crossed at the throat. The look had a sort of New York meets New Delhi feeling that I found quite interesting. (Her detractors, who are obviously just jealous beeyotches, may have called the look ‘gypsy stripper.’) I, for one, also liked her Marcia Brady hairdo. It may not have been the best hairstyle she has created, but at least it was, like every week, fresh.
Furthermore, Kimberley earns Diva points this week for handling her boot this week with humility, grace, and good sportsmanship. (She quite honestly could have screamed: “Carmen is safe? Are you ##### kidding me! She SUCKED! But, thankfully, she let the truth remain unspoken.)
4. Clay Aiken
Clay looked marginally better this week, choosing a black two-piece suit and royal blue T-shirt. The royal blue was a perfect choice for his skin tone and eyes, and one can never go wrong with a black suit.
My gripes about the look are small but not insignificant.
First, the navy blue track shoes. (Track shoes. Need I say more?)
Second, the fit. It is clear to me that Clay has a long and lean physique, narrow hips, wide shoulders, and little or no muscle tone. This is the body style (except the part about the muscle tone) that most runway models possess. This means that Clay should be able to wear fitted, couture clothing, and look great in it. There must be a style that would FIT HIM and also be in keeping with his ‘nerd-stud’ image. Enough with the baggy, oversized, ill-fitting duds, Clay! Take some risks! May I suggest Armani?
5. Ruben Studdard
Again, Ruben shunned the 205 jerseys… this time with mixed results. While the cream suede shirt-jacket was no doubt fashionable, I would have chosen a richer, darker color to play better with his skin tone and also make him look less Earth-shakingly huge. (For the same reason, the white undershirt was also a horrible choice.) His faded denim pants were acceptable, if unremarkable.
And, as always, the judges didn’t mention Ruben’s most obvious flaw. America, in case you haven’t noticed, Ruben is grossly obese. The man can barely cross the stage without getting winded. I worry that one week he’ll collapse lifeless on the stage while riffing ‘yeah, babeeeeeee.’ Did anyone else notice how much he was sweating this week? By the end of the number, his forehead was drenched. (A Diva NEVER gets caught sweating.) In the name of all things fair and just, please Simon, mention that Ruben could stand to lose a few… HUNDRED… pounds.
6. Joshua Gracin
Somehow, Josh managed to do the impossible. He wore dark colors and slimming fabrics (a black shirt and charcoal pants) and looked… dare I say it…. pudgier than ever! The black shirt was, in theory, a good choice. But when tucked into his too tight, flat front, shiny gray slacks, it accentuated his unfortunate waistline. Note to gentlemen: when the pockets of your flat-front pants protrude at the side, the pants are too small! Either choose a larger pair, or forego the unflattering flat front for some pleats. Sure, the flat-fronts are more stylish, but not all men can wear all styles. (Especially tubby supposedly-fit marines like Josh.)
7. Carmen Rasmusen
Oh my heck, what in the name of Joseph Smith was Carmen wearing this week! This former-Diva hit rock bottom this week. It looked to me like she really wanted to wear this (god-awful) turquoise/blue/green swirled silk strapless elastic-waist dress, and her mom said: ‘but Carmen! It’s a sin to show your bare shoulders!’ So she threw on this black cap-sleeved T-shirt underneath it. Then, for fun, she added a yellow ‘smiley face’ pin and a blue shoelace choker (and matching blue eye shadow!) If this is what passes for fashion in rural Utah, then I say we just nuke the place and cut our losses.