Of course we're getting a kickback...I mean "incentive" from Binney-Smith - they're the Crayola people. I only know the corporate name because it was on the check they sent me. And in typical Iyanla fashion, we'll share the wealth with the inmates...I mean sistahood.
Each of the HG's will get their very own, for keeps, box of Crayola Crayons when they come into the house. I did that for you Rhonda, because you love arts and crafts so much. Maybe we should give each woman her own cubby...ah, forget it. Jodi will start crying because she thinks Kelli stole her safety scissors, or Lisa2 will have her safe-to-eat white paste stolen, but she won't want to stir up a hornets' nest by mentioning it. She'll just keep her suspicions inside and eventually, they'll manifest into somethin' ugly.
Anyway, I got really aggressve during negotiations and wouldn't sign unless they gave us those BIG boxes with the sharpeners on the back. So, you owe me. Aside from the six figure incentive I got, it was a totally selfless act on my part. I don't use crayons. I'm a magic marker girl myself.
Listen...I was wondering how you're feeling. Any pain or burning during urination? I know that sounds strange, but I was workin' some spells last week...you know, the stuff I needed the hair strands for? Well, I had everyone's hair laid out on my work station near my altar of ancestors, and they were all labeled and stuff, and guess what happened? You're gonna laugh - this is really funny! My cleaning lady tried to dust around it and some of the hair might have gotten mixed up with some of the other hair. I'm pretty sure your hair went into a potion I was making for Christina. Actually, I'm sure of it. She has an STD, a pretty stubborn one actually, and I was trying to cure her - she has no medical insurance. Well, long story short: there is a possibility, a really STRONG possibility, that her ailments are now in your body. They're part of your existence...get it? Don't ask me to explain the black arts Rhonda. Just take my word for it...you might need to see a doctor...or I could work up an herbal remedy for you.
Oh...you might want to tell the boss. I know you two are "close".
Get back to me asap. If you want a cure...it's going to take some footwork on my part. Yes, it will be a real inconvenience for me, but I am the selfless great mother spirit.
Damn...I deleted my sig