Emydi and I did this summary as a tag team effort. It was truly enjoyable to work with her on this project. Because it was a two hour finale, we seperated the summary into two parts. In addition, we alternated writing each segment. We hope you have as much fun reading this as we had writing it for you!

Laverne and Shirley Episode 102 Part 1 “A Most Amazing Race”

Segment 1-

It has been over 20 years since we have seen our duo and a lot has changed. Both women have just turned 50. Laverne never married and her father has passed on and she now manages and owns the Pizza Bowl. Shirley, who left the apartment to get married to Walter, has recently been divorced and since the kids have grown up and are on their own, she has moved back in with Laverne. In tonight’s episode “An Amazing Race”, Laverne and Shirley are prepared to have a quiet evening at home while watching their favorite reality TV show- The Amazing Race, it is the night of the two hour finale. Both ladies are very excited to find out who the winner will be. Laverne has been cheering on Rob and Amber the whole way, Shirley is an avid fan of Uchenna and Joyce. Neither one likes Ron or Kelly. They have no idea what is in store for them but by the end of the evening they will have their own Amazing Race adventure.

Cue the music…Give us any chance we’ll take it, read us any rule we’ll break it, we’re gonna make our dreams come true…doin’ it our way. Nothin's gonna turn us back now, straight ahead and on the track now. We're gonna make our dreams come true, doin' it our way…

Laverne and Shirley is filmed before a live studio audience.

Fade in to the living room; the girls are hustling around getting the last minute preparations in line.

Shirley: Scooter Pies?

Laverne: Check

Shirley: Pepsi?

Laverne: Check

Shirley: Remote control?

Laverne: Check

Shirley: Popcorn?

Laverne: Check, check, check, we got it all Shirl, even the milk for the Pepsi, come on let’s sit down before we miss the introduction, I just love to hear Phil talk. (She sighs) He is a dreamboat.

Shirley: All right, I’m ready Laverne. (She holds her skirt from behind as she jumps onto the couch and bounces a couple of times)

Laverne sits down with the bowl of popcorn on her lap and turns the large screen television on with the remote and then sets it on the end table. She rubs her hands together and takes a hand full of popcorn and begins to eat it.

Previously on the Amazing Race, 11 teams started out in this race around the world…

Shirley: I loved when Ryan and Chuck “load tested” the zip line, it really is too bad they were out first I really liked them.

Laverne: Yeah, I agree. Then Debbie and Bianca the two best friends who are most likely lesbians got lost and finished last, they had showed such promise.

Shirley: Laverne, your mouth, have you lost your mind?

Laverne: Let’s face it Shirl, at my age I may never get married, I may as well have a little excitement in my vocabulary before I die. Speaking of which, that last shot of Brian and Greg with Meagan and Heidi reminds me, do you think they had any ‘voe dee doe doe’ while sharing that hotel room?

Shirley: Oh I don’t know, but those girls should have set higher standards if they did.

Laverne: Oh, I had forgotten what a pessimist Patrick was, man he is a whiner.

Shirley: I bet if I met Susan we would turn into pretty good friends, she was so sweet.

Laverne: Are you kidding me? That woman was an overbearing prude.

Shirley: Oh for crying out loud, let’s just agree to disagree on that one, it will be a long night if you keep this up.

Laverne: Ray and Deana, now that was a dysfunctional team if I ever saw one. The way they self-destructed…

Shirley: And then Brian and Gregg were next. They rolled that jeep and hurt that nice cameraman. I wonder how he is doing now?

Laverne: I bet he is OK. Oh and look, there is Lynn and Alex, don’t they remind you so much of Lenny and Squiggy?

Shirley: Well now that you mention it…hey Laverne, something is wrong with your TV set, can you hear that high-pitched noise?

She stands up and goes over to the television and starts banging on the side of it.

Shirley: It just won’t stop, it isn’t going away.

Laverne: Shirl..

Shirley steps in front of the set and begins banging on the other side, Laverne cranes her neck to the left to try to see around Shirley.

Laverne: Oh Shirl, the TV isn’t busted, that is just Gretchen whining about her broken elephant!

Shirley: Oh, ha ha, OK.

She goes back and takes a seat.

Laverne: Only three teams left, I hope Rob and Amber win, they are such a made for each other couple.

Shirley: I just love Uchenna and Joyce, they are genuinely nice people.

Laverne: Rob and Amber!

Shirley: Uchenna and Joyce! Isn’t there anything we can agree on?

Laverne: Sure, Kelly is a skank.

Shirley: Well, I wouldn’t use those exact words, but yeah, pretty much.

Laverne: Oh good, a commercial break.

Suddenly there is a knock at the door. Laverne and Shirley go over to the door and Shirley reaches into the closet and pulls out two baseball bats. She gives one to Laverne and raises hers and says in a deep voice:

Shirley: Who is it?

Voice: It’s us.

Shirley: (looks at Laverne) It sounds like Lenny and Squiggy.

Laverne: So let them in.

She opens the door and there stands Lynn and Alex. Shirley clasps her hands and jumps up and down.

Shirley: Oh my goodness, come in, what are you guys doing here?

Lynn: I heard you were watching the finale and thought you might like some insight from a real team.

Laverne: Sure we would, here have a seat, you can tell us all of the inside dirt!

They all go over to the couch and sit down.

Alex: First of all, Rob and Amber were real bitches. We just hated them.

Lynn: Oh yes, big time. The burning kind of hate that takes over your whole body like the deep itch you get when you have fallen naked in a patch of poison ivy. The kind of hate like what Lex was feeling when he got back-stabbed by Rob in Survivor. You know the feeling I mean?

Laverne: Oh sure, I used to hate Gloria Lubitz.

Shirley: No Vernie, I think they mean a deeper hate.

Laverne: Well I didn’t hate anybody worse than I hated Gloria Lubitz.

Shirley: OK, here we go, the commercial is finally over, let’s see where they have to go first.

Laverne: Shhhhhh, here is Phil, listen.

Potter’s Field Park was the pit stop for this leg of the race. Rob and Amber who arrived at 2:47 pm, will now depart at 2:47 am, they must fly 4,600 miles to Kingston, Jamaica. After landing, they must travel over 90 miles to Port Antonio and find the beach known as Frenchman’s Cove to find their next clue.

Suddenly Laverne is lost in a fantasy, she is by Phil’s side and he is holding her hand. She can get lost in the rhythm of his voice, it is so mesmerizing…

Shirley: Vernie?

She snaps her fingers in front of her friends face.

Shirley: Laverne!

Laverne: Wha what?

Shirley: Wake up, there go Rob and Amber, they just got to the airport and are going to have to take Air Jamaica, but not any time soon.

Lynn: That was one of the double edged swords on the race, all the bunching points gave teams that get lost because of their own idiocy a chance to catch back up with the good racers. It never once helped us though.

Alex: It always seems like Rob and Amber had all the luck in the world working for them, that really sucked, especially when we were all on the plane and ready to go and then bam! They open up the door and there is the anorexic tag along and her devious fiancée.

Lynn: Oh my God that was such a frustrating day, ugh.

Shirley: Ron and Kelly are next to leave. They don’t seem to get along too well lately.

Laverne: I can’t stand looking at her zit covered beauty pageant face any more, this girl makes me sick, just sick. Oh great, here she goes on one of her talks with the camera…

If he doesn’t figure out the quality girl I am, then he’s the one that is missing out.

Shirley: And just what quality does she exactly want him to see? I sure haven’t seen any redeeming qualities, is she watching a different race?

Lynn: Oh don’t worry, Kelly is totally delusional.

Shirley: There goes my favorites, Uchenna and Joyce. Were they as nice in person as they seem, please tell me yes.

Alex: They were the nicest couple besides Lynn and myself of course.

Lynn: Yes, I know I will be cheering for them to win it all. In fact, I know that Rob and Amber are not going to win under any circumstances…

Alex fires a warning glance at his partner and motions for him to stop talking.

Laverne: How do you know, this is a live broadcast isn’t it?

Lynn: Oh, never mind, don’t you worry your pretty little head about that, it’s nothing.

Shirley: Finally, all three teams are on the same flight to Jamaica, now they have to drive themselves to Frenchman’s Cove.

Laverne: Jamaica, that reminds me of the song we did for the talent show at the brewery.

Shirley: Which one was that?

Laverne gets up and starts waving her arms in the air and shaking her hips to the beat as she sings quite stiffly, “But I’m sad to say, I’m on my way, won’t be back for many a day, my heart is down, my head is turning around, I had to leave a little girl in Kingston town.”

The studio audience applauds as Laverne takes her seat.

Shirley: Oh yeah, that one.

Lynn: Ooooooo, they are at a roadblock and so soon.

Alex: They have to do the limbo! Oh my gosh I would have rocked on this one, I just know it. They get 8 chances to get as low as they can, and on each lower rung is a better start time for when they can leave in the morning.

Laverne: Wait a minute, we can set up a limbo challenge right here. Shirl grab the ladder, I’ll get the broom…

Lynn: No Laverne, that is quite alright, we have to be leaving soon. We’ll just wait for the next commercial.

Laverne: Well, OK.

Shirley: Wow, look at Amber, she can really contort her body.

Lynn: Why do you think Rob is hooked up with her, it certainly isn’t for her brains. (He laughs) And look at Kelly everybody, I didn’t think she could go any lower than when she called Ron a commitment-phobe for “becoming a POW on purpose”, but she sure can get lowwwwww.

Shirley: Look at poor Joyce, she is having a hard time getting underneath that pole.

Lynn: But Amber and Kelly are pole experts.

Alex: And they know how to go down.

Laverne: The lower the better…all the way dowwwwn.

Alex, Lynn, and Laverne laugh, Shirley smacks her lips in disgust.

Shirley: That is enough you guys, honestly!

Laverne: I’m sorry Shirl, these guys are cracking me up. Amber and Kelly got the 8:15am departure and Joyce got 8:30am. That isn’t too bad.

Lynn: Here are the commercials; that is our cue, we really should be going. We need to catch a flight to meet everyone at the finish line.

Laverne: Where is the finish line this year anyway?

Lynn looks over at Alex and he nods his approval.

Lynn: Miami, things will sure get hot there too. (He laughs again)

Shirley walks the guys to the door and says goodbye while Laverne goes to the kitchen.

Segment 2-

Shirley: Hurry up, Laverne, the show is starting again…

Laverne: Alright, Shirl, I’m just getting another milk and Pepsi

Shirley: I can’t believe you still drink that!!!

Laverne: Shirl…you know --the milk takes the fizz out of the Pepsi and the cuuuhhhh out of the milk…and by the way, I see you’re still holding Booboo Kitty

Shirley: Ok, hurry up, anyways and let’s watch the show, I hope Uchenna and Joyce catch up after losing that 15 minutes for not being able to limbo… If Lynn and Alex had been there, I’m sure Alex would have done just great, he’s so limber.

Laverne: Yeah, I bet Lynn just loves that…

Shirley: Why do you talk like that, gutter mouth?

Laverne: Maybe because I work in a bowling alley (she laughs out loud, snorting and so full of herself) You get it Shirl, gutter mouth - bowling alley (and laughs even harder at her own pun)

Shirley just rolls her eyes.

Shirley: Yeah Vernie, I get it, I get it, now hush up so we don’t miss the good parts.

The 3 teams wake up and Ron and Kelly and Rob and Amber leave at 8:15 am while Uchenna and Joyce have to wait until 8:30 a.m.

On the taxi ride to the next clue box, Rob comments on how they have a 33% chance of winning a million and that’s more than most people make in a lifetime.

Laverne: Look at Amber’s face Shirl, she’s thinking, hey buddy I already won MY million…

Shirley: Well I hope that nasty Rob doesn’t take it all from her when they get married.

Laverne: Well, if she’s smart, she’ll get an iron clad pre-nup..

Shirley: Oh, Laverne, I don’t believe in that…If you love each other, that shouldn’t matter..

Laverne: Easy for you to say Shirl, you just divorced a doctor and took him to the cleaners. If I would ever get married HA! I definitely would get one…no SOB is taking my Pop’s Pizza Bowl!!

Shirley: Alright, Laverne pipe down!! Uchenna and Joyce are on again, oh look their cab driver is named Mikey. Hey Mikey’s my nephew’s name…remember when we went to that toy store to buy him a gift and you got attacked by that robot…that was hilarious!!!

Laverne: Yeah, Shirl, real hilarious….I still have neck problems!!

Uchenna and Joyce are the first to the clue box and find that it is a detour. A detour is a choice between two tasks.

Raft IT or Build IT… Raft it—you have to travel 8 miles down the Rio Grande on a traditional bamboo raft using only a pole to steer to find their next clue.

In Build it--the teams have to actually build a bamboo raft correctly then they cross the river and climb up the hill to find their next clue.

Rob and Amber, Uchenna and Joyce, and Ron (because Kelly can’t make a decision to save her life) are all smart enough to realize that 8 miles down a slow river will take forever and they decide to BUILD IT…(again they means everybody except for Kelly because she never works).

With Rob’s vast experience with construction and his Survivor raft building, he immediately takes control and orders Amber around and she gladly submits and says “I’ll do whatever I can to make you happy now, but after the race you have to make ME happy”

Laverne: HAH… after the race Rob is going Downtown…Downtown…

Shirley: Ooooh Laverne I love that song…

Shirley starts singing “When you're alone and life is making you lonely you can always go – downtown…”

Laverne: Shirl, you’re impossible!!

Shirley: What?!?

Uchenna and Joyce end up passing Ron and Kelly because the last time Ron built one was “um, Never” and Kelly continues to be her useless self and Ron continues to be a Smart Ass.

Laverne: Well lets face it is one step up from being a dumbass. (She snickers)

Rob and Amber and Uchenna and Joyce get approval from Frick and Frack and get their rafts into the river. Amber looks for the brake on the raft but can’t seem to find it. Rob tries not to laugh.

Meanwhile Ron and Kelly have somehow managed to connect their raft to the sub-structure and they can’t lift or move it.

Laverne: It’s nothing a handy pair of pliers can’t fix, a little snip here a little tuck there, and bam, the raft is free and at the same time he can help Kelly with her dermatology problem…

Uchenna and Rob climb up the slippery hill to get the clue, Amber takes a dive. Again Rob tries not to laugh.

The clue tells them to go to their next Pit Stop, a Villa at Round Hill-- a Coconut and Spice Plantation in Montego Bay (80 miles by taxi). Mikey stuck around for Uchenna and Joyce and Romber finds the heir to the Tyson chicken fortune driving a cab in Jamaica.

Ron finally frees their raft from the sub-structure and after navigating across the river he is able to climb up the hill to get the clue.

Shirley: It stands to reason that Kelly wasn’t going to climb up that slippery hill.

Tyson gets Mikey to stop for gas. Mikey is able to fill up his taxi first and Uchenna and Joyce are off while Tyson is still pumping gas for Romber. Ron and Kelly show up and their no name taxi driver also gets gas.

All 3 teams are off--to sit in traffic and then Romber’s celebrity rears it’s UGLY head and a policeman who is a HUGE Survivor fan stops Tyson and asks for Romber’s autograph. Uchenna and Joyce cackle. Ron says maybe Romber’s good luck will end here….

Laverne: Rob and Amber still have luck, after all we know where he keeps his horseshoe.

Shirley: Oooooh, goodie Uchenna and Joyce are in the lead I hope they win this leg.

Laverne: Not gonna happen Shirl, Romber always wins.

Segment 3-

Rob and Amber are free from the fanatical Jamaican cop, it appears that celebrity has its price and Rob laments, “That cop could have just cost us a million bucks. It would take a miracle for us to get ahead of the other teams right now.”

Ron and Kelly in the taxi behind the leaders notice that the left rear tire of Uchenna and Joyce’ van is starting to get flat. Romber’s taxi driver makes haste and catches up to the group, Rob comments on what a good driver they have. The driver says “I’ve got this down mon, no problem.” Rob then sees that Uchenna and Joyce are about to get a flat it will take just one bump of a pothole.

Laverne: If they were racing through the streets of Milwaukee after a long winter, there would be potholes galore to run into.

Shirley: Oh, I sure hope Uchenna and Joyce make it!

Laverne: Nope, there it goes, FLAT TIRE.

Shirley: Oh heck, now rotten Kelly and Ron are in the lead.

Ron: “We were kinda hoping that Rob and Amber would come in last today, but Uchenna and Joyce could catch up to us at this point.”

Rob: “That could be our lucky break.”

Laverne: Wow is Ron ever dismissing Uchenna and Joyce as competitors, I think that will come back to haunt him.

Shirley: I hope so. I am so on pins and needles right now, I can’t stand this. Ron and Kelly are too stupid to win!

Laverne: I thought for a minute that cabby was going to start singing “You take the high road and I’ll take the low road and I’ll get to Round Hill before ye mon”

Shirley: (giggles) That’s a good one Laverne.

Laverne: Oh garbage, Rob’s driver doesn’t know were Round Hill cottage is, he has to stop for directions.

Shirley: And Uchenna and Joyce are not giving up, look at them stay so positive! I just love them.

Laverne: Somebody is about to finish the leg, there is Phil (she sighs) and a Jamaican man at the mat.

Ron and Kelly run to the mat and are greeted by a Jamaican man “Welcome to Montego Bay Jamaica!” Ron and Kelly says “Thank you” and looks apprehensively at Phil.

Phil: “Ron and Kelly, you are team number one, congratulations. If you’ll move aside now I want to greet our ratings king and queen. Rob and Amber, you are team number two!”

Laverne: Ah, poor Ron and Kelly didn’t get a prize for coming in first place. Wouldn’t it have been funny if Phil had said- “Rob and Amber, since you finished second, I am happy to tell you that you have won a $20,000 gift certificate to Travelocity which you can use to create your own dream trip after this race.”

Shirley: But why give a prize for second place?

Laverne: Because Rob and Amber have been winning all of the first place prizes and CBS wanted to give the other teams a shot at winning a prize and it backfired, why else?

Shirley: Uh oh, here comes Uchenna and Joyce, I think they are going to be eliminated, I can’t look.

She buries her head behind Boo Boo Kitty, closes her eyes and puts her hands over her ears.

Phil: “Uchenner and Joyce, you are the last team to arrive. But I do have some good news, this is a non-elimination leg and you are still in the Amazing Race and have a shot at the million dollars! But unfortunately I need to take your money, all of it. And your possessions, all of them. You must start the next leg without any money.”

Laverne: Shirl! Shirl? (She pulls the hands off Shirley’s ears.) They didn’t get eliminated Shirl, they are still in the race!

Shirley lets out a big scream.

Shirley: Oh thank goodness!

Uchenna: The two things they haven’t taken from us are our hearts and our minds and those are in fine working order. We just have to let the chips fall where they may, the finish line is not far away.

Joyce: We’ve gotten through some serious challenges. I cut off all my hair to prove how competitive I am. We’re in it to win and be the last team standing when this is done.

Shirley: Ahhh, so sweet, I think I’m going to cry. (She leans over and rests her head on her friends shoulder.)

Laverne: There, there, don’t cry. Shhhh, here is Phil again, I really want to meet him.

Find out who wins the Amazing Race when the next leg continues in just a few minutes.

Shirley: I really don’t know why you are so obsessed with him, he must be half your age.

Laverne: Obsession is nine tenths of the law Shirl, and he is my obsession anyway, so leave me alone. Besides you are just jealous because he has larger breasts than you do.

Shirley: Laverne!

Laverne: I’m just kidding Shirl, come on lets take a quick break while these commercials are on, I need to visit the ladies room.

To be continued…