LAST EDITED ON 12-14-09 AT 06:40 PM (EST)
<What? A Blue Carbuncle? Who is writing this drivel? Can't they come up with anything more original than an A.C Doyle ripoff? No? Well, OK then...>
Hello Losers, back to business. The business of …(Ra Ha ha…)
<The lights darken, vapors rise from the floor, bats fly around, Spanish moss hangs from impossibly scary tree limbs, a faint scream can be heard in the distance, and I put a flashlight under my chin, (ooohhh, scary)>
The Mystery of Loser Lodge!
We had a rather traumatic week what with various mysteries and plots and schemes and behinds being uncovered. I’m not at liberty to reveal what nepharious items were discovered in Kermie’s tail, mainly because the quick action of her date “TinMan” Moley interrupted my search (I’ll get you my pretty!), but you can bet they were items of a sneaky and sordid nature. IOW, the best kind. Moley might be auctioning off pictures in the near future.
It seems that there was a blue Carbuncle lost, but since no one wants carbuncles anyway, there isn’t much interest there (Carbuncle is a cool word, so I might still use it a lot). And Santa turned out to be Agman in a white beard who just wanted to get the Loser Ladies into his lap. His surprise will come when Shambo gets voted off. Ever had a Marine first sergeant tickle your ivories there, Agdude?
The French maid thing? Well Dakota did fess up, but since she did assume the French Maiding duties, with all that implies, and all that one cares to dream up using the Loser lodge method of making the naughtiest inferences, who cares? It worked out for the best, I think. The body of the old maid was disposed of somehow without lying around and creating a mess, she (Dakota) put on a great BBQ buffet, and she wields a mean riding crop in her parlor. So what’s not to like? Her economy with underwear is just another commendable talent.
Plus she has deduced that the double wide crowd is guilty of stuff, thus demonstrating her talent for deducing stuff. And she is still investigating and pondering (and occasionally snorkeling) while leaving the balomba booby Inspections to the guys (thankyouthankyouthankyou) so we may hear more from her in the future.
It appears that Bystander is the accomplice of choice. I think it’s that uni-brow that makes him look so guilty. Or those electrodes protruding from his temples. (BTW I think murderous automatons get a bad rap, but that's just my opinion).
What is that white powder Jbug is lacing our Kaluha and coffee with?
Currently I am inspecting the Bushinka of Babuska (aka Wallflower). I think I need to read that diary she keeps that she is so secretive about. Wait, maybe now is my chance, she’s in the shower and ……
What was I saying?…Oh yeah, she’s in the shower and …..
Where was I again?….
Oh yeah the diary… (wait, she’s coming out of the shower…)
<Rats, caught again, looks like I’ll just have to use the old “picture adjusting ploy”>
“Howdy Miss Wallflower, we got a lot of complaints about crooked pictures and I was just going around to all of the bungalows and fixing all the pictures. My you look fetching, not everyone can not wear a bathrobe so well.”
<I think I got away with it this time. Good old Picture ploy>.
Wait, Suzzee is snoozing, and I’ve been meaning to check out her software so maybe now is my chance. She’s been pretty secretive about the scores and contests and all, maybe there’s some embezzling going on there. Maybe…maybe…Maybe losers have been paying their dues, and she’s just been pocketing them? Ignoring the well established tradition that losers never pay dues, that could be a possibility.
Well, since we have another week to deduce stuff, maybe something will come up (yeah, that is code. As one might have guessed by now, everything is code).
Enter as many ideas as you wish for “What is the crime?” and “Who did it, where, and with what?” in this thread, and at the end of the week send a PM to Suzzee voting for the best entry in the mystery deduction contest. We ocasionally wander off the path of being tied into Survivor so I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that it is possible that one of the S19 survivors voted off the island (the "other" island) will be PO'ed enough to do criminal stuff. Vote early, late, and often. If there aren’t enough votes to constitute a caucus Suzzee reserves the right to extend voting for as long as she wishes. After the polls have closed, Suzzee will tally up the winner.
If you win, you and your date will be sent on an all-expense paid trip to the exclusive resort “Loser Island Doublewideville”. You will go diving in the majestic splendor of lawn sprinklers, ride through the natural wonder of the vast out-backyard on Agdude's wobbly skateboards, go up and down on a see-saw, soar thru the skies on a tire swing, and spend romantic evenings dining on Dakota’s BBQ sausages and sipping aged bottles of Boonesfarm wine. And unless you prefer autoeroticism, please pick a date.
Naturally, Suzzee and I aren’t eligible,
it wouldn’t look right for our crimes to be exposed before the statute of limitations runs out, we don’t want to give the appearance of favoritism.